By Roxy Cruz

Last Updated 2/19/2020 at 7:30 PM

Tel Aviv: Who amongst us did not LOVE LOVE LOVE to play with Barbies when we were young? But for those of us living in Israel, the concept of a doll with a nice house, a car, and a real job just seemed…. unrealistic. Which is why we are really really excited to introduce this new line of Israeli Barbie dolls crreated by Tel Aviv’s very own Roxy Cruz!

Also, Israeli Spouse Barbie may or may not be based on Roxy’s life story.

Israeli Spouse Barbie: Left her well-paying job as a senior executive in Denmark to live with Yuval, a struggling poet and musician, in Shuk haCarmel. Comes with a free headset and a working contract in  Customer Service.

Yuval Melech HaShuk: Israeli Spouse Barbie’s partner. Comes with scratch-n-sniff “Festival in the Negev & Cannabis” scent.

Yuval’s bullshit Army stories that he tells Taglit Barbie sold separately.

Rumor has it that the Israeli Government exports its hottest/laziest men to Northern Europe in order to bring back experienced Customer Support Technicians in the form of their new girlfriends.

Barbie Sigalit: An Israeli bartender and aspiring actress who lives and has sex once in a while with 3 roommates. Has a recreational drug issue to treat her daddy issues, plus her issues because she wants to be Yemenite but is actually Ashkenazi. Barbie Sigalit has a dog that she refuses to look after, but she also wants to have a baby soon.

So if you CALL NOW and order Israeli Spouse Barbie & Ken Yuval Melech HáShuk, you also receive free of charge and unsolicited, Barbie Sigalit….since Ken Yuval convinced Barbie Israeli Spouse to try polyamory so he can keep Barbie Sigalit, too.

Also, you get the free darbuka from their living room that nobody in the house knows how to play.