Month: December 2016

Walking Dead episode to be filmed in Tel Aviv’s Atarim Square because they don’t have to change anything

By Aaron Pomerantz

Last Updated 12/5/2016 at 10:20 PM

Tel Aviv, Kikar Atarim: The city is kind of excited today as word spread that Blockbuster Television Hit “The Walking Dead” will film an episode in our very own Atarim Square because “we don’t need to change anything“. Atarim Square, which used to be named Namir Square after the Former Mayor until the place got so gross that the Mayor’s widow asked that his name be removed (really!),  is a natural choice. Executive Assistant to the Producer Ryan P. explained.

We wanted a locale that conveyed a total loss of hope. Like ‘The Road by Cormac McCarthy’ levels of bleak hopelessness. And then we found Atarim Square. Boom!”  Yet despite the natural fit, there were a few early setbacks. “We had to bring a clean up crew in to tidy up a bit just to make it more realistic. It was that disgusting. I mean, the Walking Dead depicts an apocalyptic plague outbreak. But that place is just gross.Daily Freier Tel Aviv Walking Dead season finale to be filmed in Tel Aviv’s Atarim Square because they don’t have to change a thing

Ryan continued to explain the process of setting up the shoot. “We were concerned that we would need special permits because I guess it’s a Palestinian Heritage Site or something, but fortunately, everything worked out. And if we want to shoot a second episode, we even have a right of return!

In fact, Atarim Square’s location paid unexpected benefits for the production team, as Ryan explained to us. “We were even able to use some of the dancers at the Shomre-Shabbat strip club next door as extras for Negan’s harem.

But even though things seemed to run smoothly, planning and choreographing a feature television show thousands of miles from home on short notice can be tough. Yet paradoxically, Atarim Square’s chaotic craptastickness somehow found a way to help. Lead Set Designer Melissa K. explained.  “So at the last minute, the writers told us we needed to build a set for where Tara had hidden a decrepit boat in an abandoned shopping center. And we were freaking out. Like, in 2 hours, where are we going to finds a decrepit boat to put in an abandoned shopping center???  And then one of the techs told us that…hey…. did you see the decrepit boat lying around in the abandoned shopping center?  Baruch HaShem.
boat-in-atarim-square Daily Freier Walking Dead Tel AvivWhile Atarim Square’s unique funk helped some aspects of the production, other aspects suffered. In fact, paramedics needed to be called after actors playing Zombie Walkers passed out from the intense and overwhelming smell of dried pee and had to be revived with smelling salts.

Walking Dead episode to be filmed in Tel Aviv’s Atarim Square because they don’t have to change a thing Daily Freier

After the paramedics left, some of the sound techs were unconvinced that the overwhelming stench was just pee, so they walked down to the nearest Lotto kiosk to place bets on exactly what the street liquid was made of.

The Daily Freier will keep its loyal readers apprised as to when the episode will air, and where we will have a viewing party.

  • No Daily Freier reporters were harmed in the taking of these photos.

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Tired of being judged, Tel Aviv realtor now telling friends he’s a stripper

tired-of-being-judged-tel-aviv-realtor-now-telling-friends-hes-a-stripper-daily-freierBy Mark Levy and Aaron Pomerantz

Last Updated 12/3/2016 at 10:00 PM

Tel Aviv, Ben Yehuda Street: Local real estate agent “Ron” is a little tired of the disrespect he receives from strangers, friends, and certain family members for his chosen vocation. Friends crossing the street when they see him. Dates getting up halfway through the sushi when he tells them what he does for a living. Certain cousins ‘forgetting’ to invite them to their wedding (looking at you, Meirav). So he has decided to take a stand.  Ron is going to confront his detractors and say ‘Hey! Real estate agents are the engines of the…” Just kidding. He is going to lie his tuchus off. As of last Tuesday, Ron has begun telling his friends and family and neighbors that he quit his real estate job to pursue a career as a male stripper. Ron explained.

So every day, my brother drops me off at Atarim Square on his way to work. And he thinks I am going to my ‘job’ as a stripper. But once he’s out of sight, I go to the parking lot, and change out of my leather chaps and cowboy hat and put on my realtor clothes. I know that I’m living a lie, but people have just started treating me so much nicer since I started doing this. I finally feel that I’m part of society. Am Yisrael Chai.

In order to get all the facts, the Daily Freier decided to interview a few key personnel, starting with Ron’s Yenta Aunt, Nava. “I am so glad Ron quit his job as a realtor. Now stripper, that’s a step up. I mean, he needs to do a few more sit-ups and maybe actually try to bench his own weight, but nobody’s perfect.

The Daily Freier was also able to speak with Ron’s neighborhood juice guy on the corner, Naor, who shared his philosophy on this topic.  “I’m actually proud of him. He needs to stay away from that Real Estate Agent Balagan. Listen…… yesterday at my shop somebody compared Tel Aviv realtors to Hamas. But there are differences. One of these groups has a worldview completely at odds with the Israeli public, makes outrageous demands, and seems to hate Israelis personally….. and the other one has some missiles and is based in Gaza.

While Ron is still committed to the whole realtor thing, he has begun doing some research on what an actual male stripper would earn by checking Secret Tel Aviv, and he has to admit, switching professions is tempting.

As the Daily Freier ended the interview with Ron and got up to leave the coffee shop, he asked us for 6000 Shekels plus VAT “because I found this place and opened the door for you“.

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“Guys! let’s write a fake story about a Spanish Gay Porn Star who joins the German Spy Agency, secretly converts to Islam, self-radicalizes, and gets busted in a Jihadist chat room plotting an insider attack!”

(SPOILER ALERT: THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED)

SCENE: The Daily Freier Newsroom. Morning Staff Meeting

Yuval Weiss, Editor: OK people! It’s a slow news day. We need to make something up.  Maybe we can write something about a guy joining the German Intelligence Agency.

Lee Saunders: OK, but the guy is actually of Spanish descent.

Yuval: Good! Next!

Mia Deych: Can he be gay?

Yuval: Yes! Next!

Aaron Pomerantz: OK, but he’s also active in the gay adult film industry until 2011.

Yuval: Not only is that idea in the story, that idea is DEFINITELY in the story! Next!

Yekutiel Bornstein: But now he’s on the DL. Like married with 4 kids.

Yuval: Brilliant! Next!

Emily Goldstein: But then he secretly converts to Islam in 2014!

Yuval! Perfect! Now THIS is brainstorming!

Mark Levy: And then he self-radicalizes!

Yuval: I’m feeling it! Next!

Lee: But then he applies to work in the German Intelligence Service and is accepted!

Yuval: Amazing! Keep it going! Next!

Aaron: And let’s make him 51 years old. You know, Like Bono except much younger!

Yuval: Yes! We have the momentum! Next!

Mia: Then he starts frequenting Jihadi Internet Chat Rooms!

Yuval!: Money! Next!

Emily: Can we make it so that he’s not that smart? Like he says in the chat room that he’s a German Intelligence agent of Spanish descent?

Yuval: Yes! And in the Jihadi chat room, his alias is the same as his Gay Porn Name! Next!

Yekutiel: So in the chat room he offers to facilitate access to the spy agency’s headquarters in Cologne! And then… what’s wrong?

Yuval: (Checking his I-Phone) F–K! This actually just happened! This has never happened before in the history of satire. I mean, it’s not like any of our crazy stories ever come true in real life or anything!