Last Updated 4/11/2019 at 3:00 PM
Jerusalem: Today the New Right Party issued an ultimatum to the Israeli Election Board: either perform a complete recount of Tuesday’s vote or else be ready for another bizarre music video from party leaders Naftali Bennett and Ayelet Shaked. So far the New Right has failed to meet the 3.5% vote threshold required to receive Knesset seats, and this outcome is deemed unacceptable. You see, 6 months ago Bennett and Shaked were considered top challengers to Prime Minister Netanyahu. But as far as we can tell, Bibi has voodoo dolls of all of his enemies and forces them to say or do a series of really dumb things. (Wait, do you have a BETTER explanation? No? We thought so.) Thus…
1) Bennett and Shaked left a perfectly good party to start a new party.
2) Shaked made a fake perfume video called “Fascism”. (No. Really.)
3) Shaked made a weird 1980’s-style music video about breaking up with the Army. And Bennett rapped on the track. (No. Really.)
Yada, Yada, Yada, they lost. Badly. They got beat by Meretz, which absolutely DOMINATED the vote on several entire streets near Gan Meir. They got beat by Moshe Feiglin’s party, whose entire campaign infrastructure appeared to be run off of Telegrass. So Bennett pushed back at a Press Conference today.
“Our demands are simple.” Bennett intoned. “A full and comprehensive recount of the votes or else Ms. Shaked does another weird 1980’s-style concept video that makes you think that you’re high even though you’re not.”
Bennett continued. “Do you think we’re bluffing? Try me. Ayelet wants to make another fake perfume video. So don’t doubt us….. I’m ready to do another freestyle rap. I might even beatbox this time. I’m totally serious.”
As the Press Conference adjourned, Ayelet Shaked could be seen behind the stage pushing an electric synthesizer, colored lights, and a fog machine.