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Björk_at_Cannes (Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 9/21/2015 at 11:00 AM

Reykjavik: The Reykjavik City Council’s boycott of Israeli goods is shaking key demographics in both nations, with fans of superstar Bjork who live in Judea and Samaria, along with Icelandic citizens who play the Israeli beach game of matkot feeling the brunt of the unfortunate turn of events. The Daily Freier dispatched its International Affairs reporter to Iceland to cover this critical event, but he was eaten by a fire-breathing sea monster when he sailed over the edge of the earth (Hahahah! Just kidding! No disrespect to our Icelandic readership! Some of our best friends are Icelandic!….Get it? Get it?)

The Daily Freier sat down with Sigur S., chairman of the Reykjavik chapter of the Pan-Icelandic Matkot League to discuss this troubling breach in relations in this critical international partnership. “Just a balagan. A complete and total balagan.” noted a despondent Sigur as he munched on a mixture of bamba and sunflower seeds. “This is going to kill our big plans for a matkot tournament at the local lava-fed hot springs. Well, that and after last year’s ill-tempered walrus incident, nobody wants to sign up.”

Judea and Samaria’s vast fan-base of noted Icelandic musician Bjork is equally despondent. Shmuel K., President of the Jordan Valley chapter of the Bjork Fanclub, shared his personal pain. “I believe that HaShem gave this land to us, and I will defend Eretz Yisrael with my life…..But I also believe that “Human Behavior” is just about the most amazing song ever. My wife BatSheva is a big fan also. Sometimes, when we’re bored, we’ll just text Sugarcubes lyrics on Whatsapp to each other. But now what? What else can I listen to? I mean, ever since she dressed up as a giant duck, my previous obsession with the Cure just seems so….so….silly and immature.”

The Daily Freier urges its readers to chime in on this critical issue, or maybe just ask Chris Gunness what he thinks.

roger-waters-keffiyeh (Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 4/20/2015 at 11:46 AM

London: World Renowned Recording Artist Roger Waters, in an angrily worded open letter in today’s Issue of the Guardian, demanded that Israel stop naming new neighborhoods in Judea and Samaria after Pink Floyd songs and lyrics. “From Kiryat Dark Side of the Moon to Kfar Crazy Diamond, this crime against humanity has to stop right now. “, the renowned recording artist and freelance jerk opined in today’s Guardian. Mr. Waters continued “If this does not stop immediately, I will hector various artists into not appearing in Israel and creepily troll Bar Rafaeli in my concerts.” When asked what would happen if Israel complied with his demands, Mr. Rogers indicated that in this case he would…. hector various artists into not appearing in Israel and creepily troll Bar Rafaeli in his concerts. Residents of Ma’ale Comfortably Numb seemed unfazed by the ruckus. Local handyman Shlomo K, stated “Roger Waters? Didn’t he used to be in a group with Syd Barrett?”

When reached for comment, Jerusalem Municipality spokesperson Dov L. appeared conciliatory, “We respect Mr. Waters’ opinion and welcome all outside advice on this difficult issue vis-à-vis the Israeli- Palestinian conflict. Hopefully, these outside voices can help bring us and our neighbors closer together……I mean, it’s like we’re two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl. Year after year. Running over the same old ground. What have we found? The same old fears.”

When asked if the Government had a message for Mr. Waters, Dov simply said “Wish you were here”.