Tag: Iceland

Iceland’s Eurovision Band loses “Bad El Al service” case after Court finds no history of good El Al service

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 5/27/2019 at 6:00 PM

Tel Aviv: The District Court of Tel Aviv has dismissed the lawsuit brought against El Al Airlines by Hatari, Iceland’s Eurovision Entry. You see, Hatari, a band  of woke rich kids committed in their own special way to social justice, decided to wave the Palestinian flag because they couldn’t find Narnia’s flag during a live Eurovision broadcast. And Israelis, being Israelis, decided to throw some serious shade, culminating in El Al allegedly giving the band purposely poor seats and service on their flight home. Hatari then responded by filing a lawsuit, which was subsequently tossed out today. You see, El Al has this tiny, and let us just stress VERY UNDESERVED reputation for…. you may want to sit down for this….. poor customer service. We know… crazy, right? (Editor’s Note: Just to be fair, we called El Al’s Toll Free Number about this rumor, but the woman yelled at us and then hung up.) So the Court resolved that there was in fact no data set of “good El Al Customer Service” with which to compare Hatari’s accusation of crappy service. The Daily Freier walked down to the courthouse to get all the facts.

We spoke to Tamar C., a bailiff at the courthouse, who read from the Court’s decision. “It is the Court’s opinion that the Band Hatari, henceforth to be referred to as ‘the plaintiff’, did not adequately prove they were purposely and maliciously served poor food, because none of us in the Courthouse can remember receiving ‘a good meal’ from El Al…. not even Sarit from the cleaning staff, and her brother works in El Al’s catering office.

When the Daily Freier noted that the plaintiff had accused El Al of purposely placing them near extra-rude passengers, Tamar continued: “It is the Court’s opinion that the ‘very rude’ Israeli passengers the plaintiff was seated next to would not even make the tryouts for Israel’s ‘Bad Travelers’ All-Star Team.

Tamar continued: “In addition, The Court finds that the plaintiff’s accusation of ‘targeted harassment’ from Ben Gurion Airport personnel was simply the established protocol after the band went through a Security Checkpoint and set off the Sanctimony Detector, also known as the Beinartometer.

The Daily Freier hopes that the current crisis does not harm the very vital Israeli-Icelandic relationship.

 

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Reykjavik City Council Boycotts Israel: Zionist Bjork Fans, Icelandic Matkot League Hardest Hit

 

Björk_at_Cannes(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 9/21/2015 at 11:00 AM

Reykjavik: The Reykjavik City Council’s boycott of Israeli goods is shaking key demographics in both nations, with fans of superstar Bjork who live in Judea and Samaria, along with Icelandic citizens who play the Israeli beach game of matkot feeling the brunt of the unfortunate turn of events.  The Daily Freier dispatched its International Affairs reporter to Iceland to cover this critical event, but he was eaten by a fire-breathing sea monster when he sailed over the edge of the earth (Hahahah! Just kidding!  No disrespect to our Icelandic readership! Some of our best friends are Icelandic!….Get it? Get it?)

The Daily Freier sat down with Sigur S., chairman of the Reykjavik chapter of the Pan-Icelandic Matkot League to discuss this troubling breach in relations in this critical international partnership.  “Just a balagan. A complete and total balagan.” noted a despondent Sigur as he munched on a mixture of  bamba and sunflower seeds.  “This is going to kill our big plans for a matkot tournament at the local lava-fed hot springs. Well, that and after last year’s ill-tempered walrus incident, nobody wants to sign up.”

Judea and Samaria’s vast fan-base of noted Icelandic musician Bjork is equally despondent.  Shmuel K., President of the Jordan Valley chapter of the Bjork Fanclub, shared his personal pain.  “I believe that HaShem gave this land to us, and I will defend Eretz Yisrael with my life…..But I also believe that “Human Behavior” is just about the most amazing song ever.  My wife BatSheva is a big fan also.  Sometimes, when we’re bored, we’ll just text Sugarcubes lyrics on Whatsapp to each other. But now what? What else can I listen to? I mean, ever since she dressed up as a giant duck, my previous obsession with the Cure just seems so….so….silly and immature.”

The Daily Freier urges its readers to chime in on this critical issue, or maybe just ask Chris Gunness what he thinks.