[SCENE: A California Beach]

Pretty Girl: Hi! My name is Ally!

Young Man: Hi my name is Daniel. But my friends call me Barry. I’m from Hawaii.

Ally: That is so cool!

Daniel: Yes. Yes it is. Say, who is that large angry guy walking over?

Ally: OMG, that’s my ex, Johnny Khameini. He’s in that Karate Gang called Cobrazbullah Kai.  I hate him.

Johnny: Hey Ally, whose this tool?

Ally: Johnny, stop!

Daniel: It’s OK, Ally. I can reason with him. Johnny, I understand you may have some legitimate grievances against me. I’ve come to your land and now I’m trying to impose my values on….

[Johnny beats the crap out of Daniel]

Daniel: To be perfectly frank, I deserved that.

——————————————————–

[SCENE: Outside a High School Dance. Daniel is running from a gang]

Johnny: I’m gonna kick your ass Daniel!

Daniel: I don’t think you’re being very productive with that kind of talk!

[Johnny and the Cobrazbullah Kai Gang jump Daniel. An old man who looks kinda Japanese but kinda Jewish appears and fights off the attackers]

Daniel: Thank you old man, but I was just about to convince those guys that there are better ways to work out their deep-seated yet legitimate grievances. By the way, what’s your name?

Old Man: I am Mr. Bibiyagi. And you must learn to stand up for yourself and stop being such a…..such a…… Freier.

Daniel: Quite frankly, that kind of popping off is just not helpful.

Mr. Bibiyagi: (Sighs) Here, let me teach you some moves.

[Shows Daniel ‘Wax on, Wax off’]

————————————————–

[Scene: Three Months Later. A Big Karate Tournament.]

Mr. Bibiyagi: Daniel-san, are you ready to spar with Johnny Khameini?

Daniel: Yeah…. about that. Listen, Mr. Bibiyagi. I appreciate your advice, even when, quite frankly, it was wrong. And I know that you think you know a lot about karate.  But listen: I once lived in Indonesia for a year. So I know some things that you don’t necessarily know. Anyway, I came up with a better idea, so I don’t believe it’s necessary to spar with Johnny in the tournament.  Here it comes right now.

[A forklift enters the arena and drops a pallet of $100 Bills in front of Johnny]

Daniel: Here’s the money, Johnny. 400 Million. So are we cool?

Johnny (laughing): Sure we are, Daniel. Sure we are…..Until next month that is.

Daniel: That sounds fair.

Mr. Bibiyagi: Oy gevalt. [Places head in hands.Walks away]

[Fade to Black]

(This article was first published over at Israellycool!)