Pretty Girl: Hi! My name is Ally!
Young Man: Hi my name is Daniel. But my friends call me Barry. I’m from Hawaii.
Ally: That is so cool!
Daniel: Yes. Yes it is. Say, who is that large angry guy walking over?
Ally: OMG, that’s my ex, Johnny Khameini. He’s in that Karate Gang called Cobrazbullah Kai. I hate him.
Johnny: Hey Ally, whose this tool?
Ally: Johnny, stop!
Daniel: It’s OK, Ally. I can reason with him. Johnny, I understand you may have some legitimate grievances against me. I’ve come to your land and now I’m trying to impose my values on….
[Johnny beats the crap out of Daniel]
Daniel: To be perfectly frank, I deserved that.
[SCENE: Outside a High School Dance. Daniel is running from a gang]
Johnny: I’m gonna kick your ass Daniel!
Daniel: I don’t think you’re being very productive with that kind of talk!
[Johnny and the Cobrazbullah Kai Gang jump Daniel. An old man who looks kinda Japanese but kinda Jewish appears and fights off the attackers]
Daniel: Thank you old man, but I was just about to convince those guys that there are better ways to work out their deep-seated yet legitimate grievances. By the way, what’s your name?
Old Man: I am Mr. Bibiyagi. And you must learn to stand up for yourself and stop being such a…..such a…… Freier.
Daniel: Quite frankly, that kind of popping off is just not helpful.
Mr. Bibiyagi: (Sighs) Here, let me teach you some moves.
[Shows Daniel ‘Wax on, Wax off’]
[Scene: Three Months Later. A Big Karate Tournament.]
Mr. Bibiyagi: Daniel-san, are you ready to spar with Johnny Khameini?
Daniel: Yeah…. about that. Listen, Mr. Bibiyagi. I appreciate your advice, even when, quite frankly, it was wrong. And I know that you think you know a lot about karate. But listen: I once lived in Indonesia for a year. So I know some things that you don’t necessarily know. Anyway, I came up with a better idea, so I don’t believe it’s necessary to spar with Johnny in the tournament. Here it comes right now.
[A forklift enters the arena and drops a pallet of $100 Bills in front of Johnny]
Daniel: Here’s the money, Johnny. 400 Million. So are we cool?
Johnny (laughing): Sure we are, Daniel. Sure we are…..Until next month that is.
Daniel: That sounds fair.
Mr. Bibiyagi: Oy gevalt. [Places head in hands.Walks away]
[Fade to Black]
(This article was first published over at Israellycool!)