(photo credit: The Leeor Institute for Lone Soldier Research)
By Yuval Weiss
Last Updated 4/20/2021 at 4:30 PM
The Lone Soldier Center, Tel Aviv: With news that our idealistic and naive Prime Minister was outmaneuvered by Yair Lapid offering Mansour Abbas some sweet political freebies to join his coalition, a new Political Party has signaled that it too is ready to be bought off. The Recently formed Chayal Boded (“Lone Soldier”) Party has signaled that it will swing its electoral strength behind the right coalition… for a price. The Daily Freier joined a hastily convened Press Conference in the Lone Soldier Center Dining Hall just as they finished serving that tasty Chinese chicken with the sticky rice.
“Our demands are simple.” explained Party Spokesperson Doron S. “We need an iPhone charger. A couple of spliffs. Some tuna fish. A big bag of Bamba. Also maybe a bottle of Tubi this weekend after we get back from the South.” Doron whispered hastily with a cluster of advisors behind the microphone and then continued. “Don’t worry about the tuna fish, Josh is doing Miluim this weekend so when he gets back we should be good to go in terms of groceries for at least 2 weeks.”
“Before we join any Coalition…” Doron admonished “The Lone Soldier Party has some serious questions that need answers. Like the Knesset Dining Hall… MK’s eat for free, right? Also, will this give us some sort of discount on our Arnona?”
The Daily Freier stood up to challenge Doron on his Party’s short-sighted platform, but the Lone Soldier Center manager announced that she had an extra toaster oven that she was giving away and we got knocked to the ground in the subsequent chaos.