By Yekutiel Bornstein & Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 6/27/2023 at 9:45 AM

Brooklyn: Authorities today are warning citizens about a disturbingly powerful new strain of marijuana that is hitting the streets. “Ontario as-a-Jew Sticky Smicha” is a brand of cannabis so powerful that after two solid bong rips you will believe that David Mivasair is actually a Rabbi. That’s right, the THC content is so high that just a small dose will have you believing that David the Canuckian BDS Activist is not just a goofy imposter. The Daily Freier spoke to NYPD Narcotics Detective Farrell who warned young people to stay away from this dangerous new high.

“I’m not Jewish myself.” explained Detective Farrell. “But I understand that a few hits of this stuff will have you believing that David isn’t just pretending to be a Rabbi in order to make it more palatable that he opposes Israel’s existence.” Detective Farrell finished his Chocolate Cruller and continued. “Three hits and you’ll think that Ariel Gold is indigenous to Spain.“

You see, Ravreverend Mivasair says he’s a Rabbi. But he works in a Church. He explained that he got his Smicha from famed Jewish Renewal Founder/LSD connoisseur Zalman Schechter. Or from a Tim Hortons in Saskatoon. It’s hard to keep the stories straight.

Yet after eating a brownie made with “Ontario as-a-Jew Sticky Smicha“, we were so high that we were nodding our heads when Monsignor Mivasair agreed that Zionism has nothing to do with Judaism. We were so baked that we didn’t wonder whether Minister Mivasair went to the bathroom each time they sang “Ki Mi Tzion“. After two hours we were eating raw cookie dough straight from the tube and forgetting that Parson Dave has a problem with teaching about the Holocaust.

The Daily Freier contacted Pastor Mivasair for comment, and he promised to Tweet his response “on Saturday right after Mincha“.