Jewish visitors to the Temple Mount are in a state of confusion and disarray. Robbed of their traditional escorts from the Muslim Wakf, the Jews wander aimlessly, bereft of the comfort of a bunch of angry men yelling at them not to pray. The Wakf, employed by our friends the Jordanians, normally keep a sharp eye out for the dangerous act of Jews praying (Stopping gun smugglers? Not so much). However, the Wakf has been on strike ever since Israel installed metal detectors, which was a totally unprovoked violation of the “status quo” for no good reason except, like, last Friday three Arabs smuggled guns onto the Temple Mount and used them to murder Israeli policemen. The Daily Freier spoke with an impassioned Wakf spokesman named Fares as he stood by the Lion’s Gate.
May 27, 2017
Hey gang! Big Marwan over here, and welcome to “Blogging with Barghouti“! Coming to you from the belly of the beast in the Zionist Entity’s biggest, baddest, most inhumane jail. The jail that STILL does not comply with our inalienable rights to 20 TV channels, cell phones and unlimited magazines (No. Really. that’s our demand!) Which is why we are still conducting our steadfast and honorable hunger strike.
Today Jews worldwide are asking their parents, therapists, significant others, rabbis, and spouses whether it would be possible to observe this year’s Yom Kippur” Marwan Barghouti style”: by pretending to refuse to eat, but then secretly eating.
Palestinian prisoner Marwan Barghouti has been described as a leading proponent of non-violent resistance, except, you know, he sort of like ordered the killing of a whole bunch of people and stuff.
(NOTE: This is word-for-word Marwan Bargouti’s Op-Ed in the New York Times. Words eliminated are struck through. Words added are in Bold Italics.)
HADARIM PRISON, Israel Corcoran Prison, California— Having spent the last 15 47 years in an Israeli Amerikan prison, I have been both a witness to and a victim of Israel’s Amerika’s illegal system of mass arbitrary arrests and ill-treatment of Palestinian prisoners the people, man. The people. After exhausting all other options, I decided there was no choice but to resist these abuses by going on a hunger strike.
Sometimes it’s hard to keep track of whether you are reading Peter Beinart’s latest impassioned critique of the Jewish State or Taylor Swift’s latest breakup song. Like, it’s an honest mistake. One of them is moody, self-absorbed, and uses the pen to lash out at perceived betrayals when a relationship ends…… And the other one used to date a Jonas Brother. But anyhoo, we thought we would quiz the loyal readers of Israellycool. Good luck!
Scene: Hebron, 1800 B.C.E
Abraham: Oy vey ist mir! My beloved Sarah has died! Efron the Hittite, please let me bury my wife here.
Efron the Hittite: Fine, fine. Pick a cave. Mi cave es su cave.
Abraham: Efron, you are a real tzadik. But let me drop some shekels on you. How does 400 silver sound?
Efron: plus VAT?
Abraham: Yeah sure, plus VAT. Also, maybe we could cut a deal on recurring maintenance and….
(A stranger approaches)
Abraham: Can we help you?
Stranger: So that’s it? You think you can justify the Occupation with a few shekels?
Abraham: Sorry, but who the hell are you?
Stranger: I am Peter the Beinart. And you need to check your privilege.
(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)
Listen, I take pride in my work. Being the most disloyal lawmaker in “Israel” is not easy. And as a woman you have to work twice as hard to be recognized as number one when it comes to seeking the destruction of Israel as the homeland of the Jewish people. But through hard work and sacrifices (don’t get me started about dating), I have succeeded against all odds.