By Yuval Weiss
Last Updated 3/10/2021 at 11:00 AM
Damascus: The Middle East is reeling from news that the Corona Virus has tested positive for Bashar & Asma Assad. Apparently Mr. Corona was exposed to the Ophthalmologist/Serial Killer and his Lovely Wife some time in the last two weeks. The Daily Freier managed to do a Zoom call with Covid as he went into Bidud and desperately searched online for an available vaccine.
“This is a nightmare.” fretted Covid-19 as he bathed his hands in Purel. “Nobody has any actual information about how dangerous this entity could be to my health. I mean, the White Hats had some pretty good data, but Assad had them all killed.”
“I just don’t know how I could have better protected myself.” lamented The Rona. “I had on a mask, but Bashar crossed through that barrier like one of Obama’s Red Lines from 2012.“
The Daily Freier challenged Corona that public health-wise, perhaps he was throwing stones from a glass house, but he quickly cut us off. “Listen, I may have escaped from a Chinese Laboratory [Allegedly!- The Daily Freier Legal Department] , infected millions of people, and ruined the world economy, but I never dropped chlorine bombs on kindergartens. A little respect please.”
As the Daily Freier ended the Zoom call, Covid turned to us with one last question. “Hey, what’s the best way that I can wash Assad’s microbes off my body? Should I take a hot ba’ath?“