Judea & Samaria– Everyone’s favorite soldier-slapping Woke Poster Girl has a lot on her mind lately. You see, Ahed Tamimi has had a recurring series of very disturbing dreams this week. Instead of doing time for slapping an Israeli soldier, Ahed dreams that she slapped a soldier of an Arab nation…..and the Arab nation reacts by…..well, let’s just say she doesn’t get a free Mercedes in any of these dreams. The Daily Freier skyped with Ahed and she spilled some serious tea.
“So yeah, I keep having these really creepy dreams.” explained Ahed as she absent-mindedly texted with Al Jazeera. “I slap a soldier that I think is Israeli, but when he turns around, I realize that he’s a soldier from a Brotherly Arab Nation in Eternal Solidarity with the Palestinian People. And yeah, he kicks the shit out of me and sends me to prison.”
Ramallah: Shock & sorrow permeate this West Bank city after residents learned that spoiled actress who would never dare pull her stunts on an Arab police force political prisoner Ahed Tamimi had eaten “Palestine” during her stay in an Israeli jail. Ms. Tamimi, who gained fame punching Israeli soldiers on film, had apparently eaten the geographic entity known as “Palestine” in between her second and third helpings of baba ganoush some time in late June.
The UN wasted now time scolding Israel for the unfolding tragedy, passing a Motion in the General Assembly by a vote of 147-2 (The United Kingdom abstained) admonishing Israel for giving Ahed “The Freshman 15”.
Meanwhile, Bree Skyfire-Williams, co-captain of the latest Flotilla to Gaza, was somewhat philosophical about the turn of events. “I guess this means she won’t need the emergency hummus and pita that we put in our cargo hold for her.“
UPDATE: Ms. Tamimi apparently is now launching a Book Tour in support of her memoir of imprisonment: “The Zionists made me add extra Tahina to my falafel“.
Live from Tel Aviv. This is like Satire and Stuff.