Tag: Barry Manilow

After Brexit, Barry Manilow’s Tel Aviv concert raises fears of “Bentry”

Barry Manilow Bentry Daily Freier Tel Aviv

(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By Lee Saunders

Last Updated 7/6/2016 at 7:00 AM

Tel Aviv: The Israeli stock market took a battering this week, feeling the full effects of one man’s ruthless ambition. Not David Cameron or Boris Johnson and ‘Brexit‘ but ‘Bentry,’ the long-feared arrival in Israel of ‘singer’ Barry Manilow.

As news filtered through that the 74-year-old ‘Copacabana’ singer from New York had printed his Easyjet boarding pass, shares on the Tel Aviv Stock Exchange coincidentally plummeted 45% and the Shekel lost a further 20%. Despite selling 80 million albums worldwide, it is Manilow’s first ever visit to Israel, as part of his ‘Goodbye’ world tour that feels like it’s been going on since the 80’s. “No vacancy” signs were put up in all beachfront hotels.

Although Manilow’s concert sold out, inflating his 401K pension and putting a severe dent in the local housing market, Israeli Finance Minister Moshe Kahlon immediately encouraged investors not to panic, warning that Barry was here only for one day and would not go anywhere outside of the Yad Eliyahu arena in Tel Aviv.

Unconvinced locals were seen fleeing north with traffic reports predicting heavy congestion as families rushed to avoid hearing ‘Looks like we made it.’ The 45,000 stray cats of the city were also not taking any chances, taking the extreme measure of boarding buses to Ramat Gan.

Having set up a 24-hour Situation Room to keep tabs on Britain’s stunning decision to leave Europe, Kahlon admitted he was relieved as he has adapted the room into ‘Operation Mute-the-Man’. He shelved discussions over the introduction of Hebrew as a European Union official language in a post-Brexit world, as well as Sarah Netanyahu’s application for more credit cards.

Instead, Kahlon brought in extra Mossad agents to ensure that Manilow would not go more than 50 meters outside the stadium. “This is by far the national security priority at the moment. After the two-hour crisis, Manilow will be immediately deported back to the US without a European stopover. They have suffered enough this week. He may ‘write the songs’ but I call the shots.

Although quietish in recent years, Manilow came out and married his long-term partner in 2014, adapting and singing one of his own songs at the Chuppa, changing his irritating infectious hit ‘Mandy‘ to ‘Dandy‘. I guess music and passion weren’t always the fashion…

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Help us Roger Waters, You’re our only Hope!

barry

Dear Roger,

We know that we may not have started off  “on the right foot” together.  But that was the past. It doesn’t make any sense to dredge up “old hat”. Like the time we said you got hired by MSNBC. Or the time we said that you were no Syd Barrett. Or the time we said you were a dick ….. No, it is time to move past old conflicts.  To let go. To throw off the past (Hey, how do you say ‘throw off‘ in Arabic?  A bit rusty over here).

So, here’s the thing.  There’s no easy way to say this. We Need Your Help. We’re going to say two words. BARRY. MANILOW. In Concert. Tel Aviv. Israel. June 30th (OK, that’s like 8 words). Which has left us in the uncomfortable position of rethinking our stance on the BDS Movement. Like maybe we can meet you guys half-way.

Bottom Line: You need to stop this shit. NOW.

We know you can do this.  We’ve seen you in action.  You convinced highly talented, highly nuts singer Lauryn Hill to cancel her Israel tour (What’s her beef with the Jooz anyway?  Was it a Jewish accountant who told her that paying your income tax was optional?). Same with Elvis Costello, whose dedication to “peace and justice” appears to be a bit of a new thing for him.

Anyhoo, we are like begging you. And we’re willing to lend a hand.  Tell us what you need.  Social Media?  Stuffing envelopes? An angry mob?  We’re there!  Teaming up with George Galloway in solidarity wi…. well, no.  Not so much.

Help us Obi-Waters Kenobi, you’re our only Hope.

Hugs,

FREIER!

The Daily Freier