Tag: Iron Dome

Hamas, The United Nations

Aspiring North Tel Aviv Blogger Forced To Retract Satirical Piece About United Nations Complaining That Israel Didn’t Share Iron Dome With Hamas When He Learns That….No….Really…..The United Nations Complained That Israel Didn’t Share The Iron Dome With Hamas

united_nations_general_assembly_arms_treaty

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 8/26/2014 at 17:30 PM

Tel Aviv- A Local humorist faced professional humiliation and ostracism today when he was forced to retract a satirical piece he published on his Blog earlier this week. Aharon Ben Yekutiel, who publishes stories that he thinks are funny while frequenting bistros in the Yirmiyahu-Namal neighborhood of Tel Aviv, suddenly removed a humor piece from his Blog purporting that the United Nations complained that Israel wasn’t sharing the Iron Dome Missile Defense technology with Hamas.  The facts on this retraction are still sketchy, but apparently his website has attracted trolls and one of these trolls pointed out that Navi Pillay, UN High Commissioner for Human Rights, did in fact earlier  complain that Israel refused to share its Iron Dome with the “governing authority” of Gaza, also know as “Hamas”.  Mr. Ben Yekutiel hurriedly took down the link, but not before said trolls took screenshots and posted them on Facebook’s “Secret Tel Aviv” page  and the highly esteemed “Jewsnews” website.

Mr. Yekutiel then tried to defend his error. “I mean, c’mon.  I know the UN is ridiculous.  I know that such paragons of liberty as Sudan, Saudi Arabia, and Libya have all served on the Human Rights Council.  I know they’re one step away from electing Roger Waters to be Secretary General.  But really? Complain that in a time of war a nation did not share its Ballistic Missile Defense Technology with an enemy whose founding charter vows to wipe out the Jews? It’s almost as if the  United Nations has moved beyond self-parody.”

When asked about his future plans, Aharon was pessimistic.  “I’ve lost all credibility.  I’ll never snark in this town again.  I don’t know what to do with my Blog.  Maybe I can post funny videos of peoples’ cats.  I hear people like funny cat videos.”

Dating and Relationships, Hamas

Guy in Missile Shelter Says He’s Only One Or Two More Alerts Away From Asking Out Girl From Second Floor

stock-footage-man-and-woman-talking-outside-at-night1By Emily Goldstein

Last Updated 7/17/2014 at 6:20 PM

Ramat Aviv– Summer TAU student Ethan Schwartz told sources today that he is “like this close” to asking out an attractive coed known simply as “Melissa from Rockland“.  Mr. Schwartz noted, “I saw her during the first alert last Tuesday, and each alert I’ve been able to throw a little light banter.  You know, a joke here and there. ‘Where’d you go to school?’, that kind of thing.  I even showed her the Red Alert App on my Iphone.  Yesterday after the All Clear, I laughed and said ‘See You Soon!’ as I was leaving and she kinda giggled.”

Concerning recent peace efforts, Mr. Schwartz expressed reservations; “If this current ceasefire holds through the weekend, my entire timetable is thrown off“.

When contacted by Daily Freier Staff about Mr. Schwartz’s overtures, “Melissa from Rockland” had no idea in fact who he was.