Tag: Tel Aviv University

Peter Beinart Criticizes Israel For Its Lack of Interest in Peter Beinart

Peter Beinart Criticizes Israel For Its Lack of Interest in Peter Beinart

By Aaron Pomerantz and Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 11/15/2016 at 1:00 PM

Tel Aviv, Dizengoff: Peter Beinart, the conscience of modern Progressive Judaism and all around Liberal Zionist Bad Boy, is not too thrilled with the choices that Israel has been making lately. And he’s not afraid to tell us. In fact, Pete is currently quite cross with us for ignoring his amazingly prescient advice about the Peace Process, to the extent that he now takes press junkets to Judea and Samaria with J-Street in order to pester goats.  His powerful voice has hit Israel like a bombshell, compelling everyday Israelis to stop what they’re doing and ask themselves “Just who does Peter Beinart think he is? No, Really. We’re kinda drawing a blank right now. Who is he again?

(The Daily Freier Appears on Israellycool Today! Stop by and Check it Out!)

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Taking a stand against BDS, Jellyfish return to Israel

Refusing to Give in to BDS Jellyfish Return to Israel Daily Freier

(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By Aaron Pomerantz

Last Updated 6/22/2016 at 1:20 PM

Netanya: In a move described as “bold”, “courageous”, and “defiant”, the  jellyfish have returned to Israel despite intense pressure from the Boycott, Divest, and Sanctions (BDS) Movement. Everybody’s favorite jellyfish, Ethan and Shoshanna, spoke to the Daily Freier about their personal journey.

When the summer currents began pushing us northward from the Coast of Egypt, we just got bombarded with tweets from BDS.” explained Ethan. “Roger Waters wrote us an open letter. Max Blumenthal told us that his dad would NOT be happy if we went to Israel. Omar Barghouti told us that we would be collaborators if we arrived, but we checked his IP address and he was tweeting from the Tel Aviv University Library.”

The Daily Freier asked Ethan if he identified as a Zionist, and he explained his stance. “Of course, but I also identify as a citizen of the world.  Jew, Muslim, Christian….in the end it really doesn’t matter. I will sting the living shit out of you regardless.

At this point Shoshanna interjected with her views. “I’m just so happy to be back. I missed this place SO. MUCH. But to tell you the truth, I expected a bit of a warmer welcome from everyone. But that might just be Israel. Sometimes it takes a while to break into social groups.” Shoshanna spotted a family in shallow water 5 meters away. “They seem nice, maybe I will float toward them and introduce myself. Sometimes you just have to extend a tentacle of friendship.

 

Instagram’s @SabrasBeingPolite breaks down stereotypes

Sabras Being Polite Insta Daily Freier

By Mia Deych

Last Updated 6/22/2016 at 7:00 AM

Tel Aviv, Florentin: Inspired by the impressive success of HotDudesAndHummus and not connected to Israel (but definitely created by Jews) BrosBeingBasic , a group of students at Tel Aviv University launched a new Instagram account SabrasBeingPolite.

The idea of the new account is very simple: to show the world, the UN and everyone who complains on Secret Tel Aviv (#welcometoIsrael) that sabras are indeed amazing people with big hearts and loud voices. Next time, when someone helps you to find gluten-free cookies at the supermarket, offers his aunt friend’s son as an ideal (obviously!) shidduch, picks up your lost wallet on the street and finds you to give it back, or simply lets you cross the street on the green light (He has to. It’s the law. But still…), take a picture of this brave man or woman and share with the world!

Sounds like a genius idea, isn’t it? We took it to the streets to find out what Israelis think about it.
That will be just another Instagram account.” complained barista Shay at the coffee kiosk. “No kittens, no boobs, no gay flags. It’s not gonna work.” He wanted to tell us about his plans for when he moves to New York next year, but that would have ruined our morning hafuch moment.

This is cool, really cool.” enthused Motti, one of three teenagers balancing on one electric bicycle. “Achla idea, capara.” agreed his friend Shlomo.

Not everyone was positive though. “This is just racist!” yelled Inbar, while carrying her yoga mat to the free rooftop meditation class somewhere in Florentin. “This is racist and immoral, because occupation is immoral”. This caused a serious psychological trauma for us, so we decided to stop investigating Israelis and instead ask for your opinion, our precious readers.

In big Win for BDS, Omar Barghouti brings bag lunch to Tel Aviv University today

Loose Seal

Buster Bluth

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 6/6/2016 at 9:30 PM

Ramat Aviv: In what experts are calling a huge victory against Israel, Boycott/Divest/Sanctions (BDS) Founder/Qatari Exchange Student Omar Barghouti has decided today to avoid the eateries at Tel Aviv University and instead bring a bag lunch from home. In between trying to replace Israel with a Palestinian State, Mr. Barghouti has found time to matriculate at the Zionist Entity’s Tel Aviv University, where he is a PhD candidate in the Chutzpadik Department (Ha Ha! Just Kidding! But not really!).

Mr. Barghouti, who normally boycotts Israeli media because they have cooties,  spoke with the Daily Freier after we put on a Rage Against the Machine T-Shirt and a keffiyeh and tricked him into thinking we were just another goofy Tel Aviv leftist from +972.  Mr. Barghouti then explained his moral stand against Israel. “Today I refuse to eat at the campus McDonald’s. I refuse to go to the cafeteria in the Sports Center with the nice ready-made avocado sandwiches. Nor will I go to the Aroma with those cute little chocolates that they give away with every coffee. Nor will I go to that debauched beer cart with all of the degenerates in the middle of the Campus Quad. No, today I take a stand and bring a bag lunch from home consisting of Osem chips, and leftover Burger Ranch from last night. Thus are the sacrifices of a Campus Revolutionary like myself.

When the Daily Freier told Mr. Barghouti that it was a bit rich to derive benefit from a nation he sought to dismantle, he replied  “My studies at Tel-Aviv University are a personal matter and I have no interest in commenting.” (NOT SATIRE! HE REALLY REALLY SAID THIS!)

When the Daily Freier asked Mr. Barghouti if he might build on today’s success and continue the food boycott tomorrow, he looked at us with disdain. “And miss out on Taco Tuesday at the University Food Court??? No I don’t think so.

Omar Barghouti asks Nefesh B’Nefesh for help with Residency Permit

Omar Barghouti

Buster Bluth

Loose Seal

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 5/14/2016 at 11:30 PM

Ramat Aviv: Qatari Boycott Divest and Sanctions mascot Omar Barghouti is in a bit of a conundrum lately, as the country he is trying to take down through lawfare apparently is not being terribly helpful with his travel permits. Barghouti, who is a PhD Candidate at Tel Aviv University when he is not trying to destroy the country that funds his education, has lately turned to Nefesh B’Nefesh to help straighten things out.  The Daily Freier got a copy of Barghouti’s letter to Nefesh B’Nefesh by pestering their receptionist for 30 minutes until she gave it to us if we would just go away.

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Greetings Facilitators of the Ongoing Illegal Occupation of the 1948 Territories,

I hope this letter finds you well.  I am writing your Entity because I hear that you know how to “grease the wheels” of the bureaucracy for Semites who wish to live here. So Please help. You’re a Semite. And I am also a Semite…. who dislikes certain other Semites. But that is neither here nor there. The Bottom Line is that my Inalienable Right to attend overseas conferences and be feted as the awesome guy that I am is being jeopardized.  Besides, Max Blumenthal owes me 30 Bucks and if I can catch up with him at the Berkeley Confab I am pretty sure I can collect. Anyhoo, hook me up. Because if I am not allowed to travel overseas it would be a total disaster. Or, you know, a Naqba.

Cordially,

Omar

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Reaction to Mr. Barghouti’s letter has been mixed, with some very strong opinions. Alert Local Ronit S. described her reaction. “Wow. The idea that a PhD Candidate at Tel Aviv University would seek to destroy the very State that is providing his education is a complete shock…. to anyone who has never been to Tel Aviv University.

Word on the street is that if Mr. Barghouti’s current plan doesn’t work, he will sneak in and out of the country on Birthright Tours.

+972: Because Haaretz is Just Too Darn Right-Wing!

972

(Photo Credit: +972 in the Hizzouse!)

By Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 3/20/2016 at 7:50 PM

Tel Aviv: For those of you who don’t know the word on the street, there is a hip source of news for those times when Haaretz is acting just a bit too (!!Trigger Warning!!) Likud/Neocon/Naftali. And that news source has a name: +972.  The Daily Freier checked out the scene by peeking into some select coffee shops along Sheinkin and Florentin to find out just what the hoopla is all about!

“I was just so tired of Haaretz’ failure to describe Hezbollah as a self-defense organization.” explained Bikram Yoga instructor Dalia C. “Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Haaretz’s Arts and Culture beat. I mean, the guy running around the stage with the flag in his ass was A-MA-ZING, butt however, their politics were just a bit too Bibi for me.”

Local artisan bike repairman Avi M. had similar gripes. “As much as I enjoy reading Amira Hass explain that throwing rocks at Jews is a form of self-expression, she can’t carry the paper by herself.  I just really want to read a blog that’s so nuts it could be my Poli-Sci Professor.  Plus, there’s just something special about a collective who make their money hustling European Left Wing NGO’s for donations.  I mean, basically it’s a financial quid pro quo involving doing  jobs your fellow countrymen won’t touch in order to get money from rich American donors….I guess that makes them the Donald Trump’s wives of Israeli commentary.”

When I’m looking for something to read in the afternoon, what I’m really looking for is somebody defending ‘Breaking the Silence’ when they move from whistleblowing to compromising national security.”  explained food co-op manager Adi P. “And frankly, Haaretz is just coming up a bit short.”

With all the buzz on the streets, +972’s popularity has not gone unnoticed. Today Tel Aviv University announced plans to bring the Blog into the Research and Development arena of its Medical School.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Half of Tel Aviv Under Arrest After Witness Describes Bike Theft Suspect as “Guy with Sort of a Hipster Beard”

(Photo Credit: The Artist Formerly Known as Snir)

By Aaron Pomerantz

Last Updated 1/12/2016 at 12:30 PM

Tel Aviv, The Old North: Approximately 46% of the city is in police custody today after a man spotted stealing a bicycle on Allenby was described by eyewitnesses as “brown or black hair, with sort of a hipster beard. Possibly a man bun, but maybe not”.  The Daily Freier went down to Police Headquarters to check out the balagan first-hand.

With thousands of men milling around in giant makeshift holding pens, Jabotinsky between Dizengoff and Ben Yehuda Streets was completely cut off to traffic.  The police shouted orders to the assembled men by bullhorn, but to little effect. It appeared that the prisoners had themselves issued a list of demands, to include: better Wi-Fi, some coffee hafuch, rolling papers, more outlets to charge their I-Phones, and Krembo.

Despite the chaos, the Daily Freier was able to speak to those citizens who had assisted the authorities in their investigation. Alert local Ronit S. witnessed the theft and immediately went to the police to provide a statement.  “So I went to Headquarters and sat down with a sketch artist and described the guy who stole the bike. But when he was done drawing, the picture looked kinda like my last three ex-boyfriends. Oh yeah, I also told the cops that I overheard the suspect talk about his trip to Southeast Asia and that he was thinking of joining a start-up. Wait. Why are you laughing at me? I thought I was being helpful!

As the city adjusts to the mass incarceration, the effects are already being felt. At least 22 coffee shops failed to open today due to a lack of employees.  In addition, Birthright Israel reported much more efficient movement of their tours throughout the city, unimpeded by guys approaching the women in their groups because they “just want to talk to you for a second”. The Facebook page “Secret Tel Aviv” crashed after 12,000 people asked, “for a friend”, how to bail yourself out of jail, create a makeshift pipe out of an apple and tinfoil, and/or which pizza places will deliver to jail. Over 5000 “arrested selfies” were also uploaded to the site before the server went down.

While incarcerated, four of the detainees have already collaborated on an app that allows you to crowd-source prison break attempts with other people currently detained in the same jail as you.