By Aaron Pomerantz
Last Updated 4/10/2016 at 2:40 PM
Ramat Gan: A fast response by police aided by quick thinking bystanders prevented a potential tragedy today at Ramat Gan’s Vegan Expo. An Argentine Oleh was trapped for several hours within the Expo and was extracted safely an hour ago by a police patrol assisted by a Department Hostage Negotiation team. Natan P. is a recent immigrant who was “looking for the new Rak Basar” when he accidentally stumbled into the Vegan Expo. The Daily Freier was on the scene to get the word on the streets.
According to attendees, Natan entered the Vegan Expo and within minutes began behaving suspiciously. “I saw a guy running from stall to stall shouting gibberish.” explained alert local Ronit S. “A vendor offered him a chicken schnitzel made from vegetable protein. Then the guy yelled ‘Pollo no es carne! Pollo no es carne!’ When the vendor explained that it wasn’t actually chicken, the guy yelled ‘la milanesa de soja es un insulto a las milanesas!‘. The woman from the tabouleh stand tried to patiently explain that the entire exposition contained only sustainable vegan products for sale, but the guy just stared at her and said ‘pero aún podes tomar cerveza, no?‘ Then he ran toward the tofu vendor who tried to offer him a tofurkey leg. He snatched the tofurkey leg and tried a bite. Then he punched out the vendor, flipped over a muesli display table and ran away. As he ran out he tried to capture a pigeon, but it was too fast…… I don’t know why, but weird things always seem to find me when I’m in Ramat Gan.“
Concerned citizens called the police, but by the time they arrived Natan had retreated to a stand of trees in the far corner of the Expo, built a small fire, broiled his shoe, and was busy cutting it into an improvised choripán. Police retreated after he menaced them with the frozen tofurkey leg that he had stolen from the kiosk. After roping off a perimeter, a Police hostage negotiation team communicated with Natan by bullhorn from a safe perimeter and finally lured him from the trees with a tray of kebabs and 500 grams of uncooked ribeye steak.
A visibly shaken Natan was taken to Ichalov Hospital for observations and then released to his Aunt and Uncle, who appeared to have brought a picnic basket containing an entire roast.