Tag: Ronit

Secret Tel Aviv

Anarchists hack into Secret Tel Aviv, post reasonable requests to exchange goods and services followed by helpful and informative feedback

Anarchists Hack into Secret Tel Aviv, Post Reasonable Requests to Exchange Goods and Services Followed by Helpful and Informative Feedback

(Photo Credit: Secret Tel Aviv)

By Aaron Pomerantz

Last Updated 5/6/2015 at 3:00 PM

Tel Aviv, The Old North: A previously unknown anarchist collective has hacked into the popular ‘Secret Tel Aviv’ website, and inserted malicious posts that offer a reasonable exchange of good and services, as well as intelligently written requests for information.  These posts are then followed up by helpful and informative user feedback in which those who replied clearly read the original post, thought about their response, then wrote it in a way that adds some sort of value to the conversation.  Local residents vented their concerns about this disturbing situation to the Daily Freier:

“I saw a post asking for information on Holiday Bus Schedules, and something just didn’t feel right.” noted Jerry F. of Neve Tzedek. “The question was intelligent and well written.  But what really got me concerned were the responses.  The first post on the thread included an attachment to the Dan Bus Lines Website in English.  Then somebody else included helpful hints.  Not one person called him stupid, to look it up himself, or told him to go back to his country of origin.  After a while I was just, like, NOT. COOL.” 

Alert local Ronit S. had a similar scare that fortunately turned out to be a false alarm.  “I responded to an ad looking for models/actresses for an upcoming event.  At first I have to admit I was concerned.  I mean, the ad was written by someone with a grasp of basic business letter-writing. It also clearly stated the times, dates, and payment for work.  So I was definitely feeling weird about it.  But when the guy responded he said that he needed pictures of me in my underwear, and that his studio was behind the Central Bus Station.  So I was, like, Baruch. HaShem. Legitimate Secret Tel Aviv.”

However, according to a recent press release, Secret Tel Aviv is aware of the incursion and is taking concrete steps to fix the problem.  “We take this violation of our customers’ trust very seriously and our tech support team are working around the clock to fix this.” wrote the Secret Tel Aviv Webmaster.  “In the meantime, here are some quick tips for our readers to know that they are in fact looking at a legitimate Secret Tel Aviv post:”

1) Somebody wants you to carry something on an airplane for them

2) Somebody on the post calls you a racist

3) A thread devolves into sexual banter within 5 replies

4) A frustrated, confusing rant against Israeli men or women

5) The words “Forex” or “Binary”

6) A response to an unfortunate event that includes the phrase “Welcome to Israel”

7) Somebody is selling used cosmetics

8) A post that starts with “I know this might not belong here” followed by a post that definitely does not belong there

9) A request, with photo attached, to identify an insect found in somebody’s kitchen

10) Anything involving cats

Daily Freier Staff had to cut short their investigation so that they could check the ‘Secret Tel Aviv’ site because, hey, we still love it.

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Beach, Hamas

Authorities Interdict Hamas Sleeper Cell in Tel Aviv Disguised as Family Walking Seven-Abreast on Jogging Path While Chatting, Twentysomething Woman Walking Very Large or Very Small Dog, Middle-aged Man at the Beach in Speedos

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By Aaron Pomerantz & Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 7/26/2014 at 10:30 PM

Tel Aviv- Tragedy was narrowly averted today, thanks to the vigilance of some alert citizens when authorities uncovered a Hamas Sleeper Cell.  In a sign of the growing sophistication of Hamas’ operations, the sleeper cell was designed to mimic groups of people typical to the municipality.  According to interrogations conducted on the agents, this included a family of seven blocking the entire jogging path while they yak about whatever and don’t let you past. In addition female Hamas agents were trained to walk dogs weighing either less than 2 kilograms or more than 50 kilograms while Whats-Apping and holding a large coffee.  Finally, retired heavyset Hamas agents were trained to walk around the beach wearing Speedos.  It was this final part of the cell that ultimately gave them away, as the Speedo-wearing agent was discovered as he tried to exit the sea at Gordon Beach.  Alert resident Ronit S. spoke with the Daily Freier “I was swimming with my girlfriends and I saw this middle-aged guy in a Speedo approach.  When he didn’t suck in his chest, square his shoulders and cock a sleazy look at me and my friends, I knew something was wrong, so I called the police”. Ronit continued ” I mean, WTF?  We’re HOT, Right?” Interrogations of the cell also led authorities to anticipate a sleeper cell disguised as a guy in capri pants wearing a fanny pack, a man on a motorized bicycle heading toward you on the sidewalk at 50 kilometers per hour, and an older Russian speaking woman behind you in the checkout line who definitely wants you to hurry up.