Tag: United Arab Emirates

Historic: EL AL flight attendant ignores you while flying over Saudi airspace!

(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By Mark Levy

Last Updated 9/9/2020 at 3:15 PM

Somewhere over the Arabian Peninsula: Quick, somebody call The Scorpions, because The Winds of Change are here! That’s right, Ivanka’s husband has Peace springing up all in this joint. Our Treaty with the United Arab Emirates holds fast, despite the arrival of Israeli travelers. Serbia and Kosovo want to move their Embassies to Jerusalem. Now Saudi Arabia is starting to show signs of thawing its relationship with Israel by allowing Israeli commercial aircraft to fly over its airspace, vastly shortening trips to the Gulf, India and the Far East!

You’re flying EL AL to Dubai on business, feeling quite emotional about this historic change, and the Flight Attendant (Smadar?) is totally ignoring your request for a Coke. Only now she’s ignoring you over Saudi Airspace! Incredible! Im Tirtzu, right?

So Smadar has finally acknowledged your existence, and she’s reacting to your request for a soft drink as if you asked for a Gold Krugerrand on caviar. Only now she’s doing it over what looks like the lights of Riyadh! We’ve come so far!

Wait, she’s returning with what looks like a soft drink in a plastic cup! OMG! As we fly over a nation that was once our enemy but now is sort of our frenemy! Is that your Coke? Yes it is, and she just slammed it down on your tray table with all the strength of Start-Up Nation! Who would have thought just ten years ago that you could enjoy passive-aggressive EL AL customer service 10,000 meters over the Arabian Desert!  Herzl is smiling down upon us!

Wait, so she didn’t provide ice in the drink and you want to get her attention? What are you, nuts? Do you have some sort of death wish?

 

UAE cancels Peace Treaty after arrival of Israeli Tourists

“Please remove our hotel’s bathrobe from your suitcase.”

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 8/16/2020 at 10:30 AM

Dubai: Years of hard work by diplomats from the United Arab Emirates, Israel, and the United States are up in smoke today after the UAE abruptly withdrew from its Peace Deal with Israel. What caused this change? The BDS Movement? No. An angry phone call from Abu Mazen? Nope. The whiny complaints of Ben Rhodes or Peter Beinart? No, but they were hilarious. No, No, No. In the end, the deal was destroyed by the arrival of a unique threat. That’s right, Israeli tourists showed up. The Daily Freier was able to get the facts just before Dubai permanently banned Israelis again forever.

It seemed like a good idea.” explained a Tourism Ministry employee named Ahmed. “The young Israelis said they wanted to have a ‘Nature Party’ on the sand dunes. Who doesn’t love nature?” Ahmed took a long sip from his coffee and stared out the window into the distance. “Your young people really like trance music and Ecstasy.

We had a problem on a flight last night.” sighed Ibrahim, a Customs Officer at Dubai International Airport. “We don’t even know how the Israelis got on the airplane during Corona, but they did.” Ibrahim nervously fidgeted with his cigarette and continued. “May I ask you a question? What does ‘Ani rotzah shokolad‘ mean?

Finally, the Daily Freier stopped by the Dubai Hilton to try to figure out what went wrong. “I am sorry, but I do not have time to speak with you.” explained the manager. “The bathrobes and hair dryers are currently missing from all of our rooms.

When asked about the abrupt diplomatic loss, Prime Minister Netanyahu was surprisingly relaxed. “The irony is that the Emiratis did not even get a chance to meet our National Dream Team of Tourist All-Stars.