By Aaron Pomerantz and Gabby Shuster
Last Updated 3/8/2017 at 4:20
Tel Aviv: With the recent ruling decriminalizing cannabis in the State of Israel, Tel Aviv residents are concerned that they may start smelling marijuana smoke on the streets. Like, In Tel Aviv. Marijuana smoke. We mean, out in the open and stuff. The Daily Freier set out to get all the facts before we started to make things up.
“I’m just concerned that when I walk down Florentin Street I may encounter marijuana smoke.” explained local musician Tomer G. “And that would not be OK.”
“This sets a very bad precedent.” noted Avner B., an artisanal cheese maker out of Yafo. “Soon people won’t need to mix cannabis into tobacco to mask a cigarette’s true nature. They may not even need to smoke their cannabis in ceramic pipes that are painted to look like a filtered cigarette.” Avner’s eyes darted around the room nervously for a moment. “I mean, if that’s the way other people smoke cannabis now. I mean, people who definitely aren’t me.”
North Tel Aviv resident Yoni K. also shared his fears. “Next thing you know, people will be smoking spliffs at a Tuesday night rooftop party, one of those bars on Dizengoff with the long tables and benches, or at a bus stop in broad daylight on Ibn Gvirol.” (Note to the satirically impaired: This is already happening).
“I am curious what this ‘cannabis’ thing smells like.” observed alert local Ronit S. as she sat outside of a pub near the Carmel Market. “Does it smell like that cigarette that those guys over there are smoking? Because that cigarette smells like my older brother’s Metallica jean jacket smelled like back in High School.”
“Wait. Cannabis is decriminalized now?” enthused Sarit B., a hostess at a pub on Allenby Street. “I’m a little excited. Maybe now cannabis use will be readily observed in Tel Aviv’s pubs, bars, and clubs.”
This week’s ruling has had ramifications beyond Israel’s borders as well, with 2016 United States Libertarian Party Presidential Candidate Gary Johnson indicated that he may be now interested in a fact-finding visit to the Holy Land.
Tel Aviv officials reacted to the potential fallout of the ruling with mixed feelings. Municipality Cultural Affairs Chairperson Safir H. tried to see the bright side of the change. “Well, at least the smell of pot on the streets might displace the smell of dry pee.“