Tag: Cannabis

4:20, Israelis Abroad

“Wait, what happened to TeleGrass?” Naama Issachar adjusts to life in Israel

By Aaron Pomerantz

Last Updated 2/9/2020 at 3:00 PM

Tel Aviv: After being caught with some cannabis and spending close to a year in a Russian jail, Naama Issachar is now happily back in Eretz Yisrael thanks to a personal appeal from Prime Minister Netanyahu. Yet a lot has changed here in Israel since the early days of 2019, and Naama discussed her adjustment process to Israeli life with the Daily Freier.

“Wait, what’s up with Telegrass?” Naama asked us, slightly annoyed. “There’s a Nature Party in the Galil next week and I was hoping, I mean a friend was hoping to touch base with my weed guy, I mean a friend’s weed guy.” Naama paused for a moment and reflected. “The funny thing is that all of Tel Aviv basically smells like a giant spliff, but ‘everyone is out of weed‘. Like is that even scientifically possible?”

Naama continued describing the Big Adjustment. “I have so much to catch up on. Things like who won ‘The Voice’, and who we’re sending to Eurovision…. so is ‘Tudo Bom’ still a thing?”

Before ending the interview, we secured a promise from Ms. Issachar that she would update us with all the stories from her inevitable trip to MidBurn and/or Tzfat later this year.

EPILOGUE: While the Daily Freier has a rich history of shrewdly negotiating with Mr. Putin, nobody from the Government bothered to call us. Next time something like this happens, can someone have Bibi’s office send us a text?

4:20, Israeli Politics

Feiglin’s cannabis voters accidentally choose “Joint List”
“Nobody told us”

(photo credit: Zehut Party)

By Aaron Pomerantz & Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 9/19/2019 at 4:20 PM

Tel Aviv: With the result’s from Tuesday’s elections in, there were some real suprises. Likud under-performed, Lieberman got a lot of votes, and the Arab Joint List Party performed better than expected. Yet while some people attribute Joint List’s performance as a negative reaction to Abu Yair Bibi, the Daily Freier has found the real reason: a large bloc of former Zehut voters accidentally voted Joint List.

You see, Moshe Feiglin’s Zehut Party was a real… party. Kinda hardcore on the National Security side, kinda Libertarian on the domestic side: right to bear arms, and lots and lots of weed. Last year, Zehut did an amazing job of stealing the Stoner vote from Meretz. Later, Feiglin joined Netanyahu’s Coalition in exchange for 3 grams of Kush, rolling papers, some krembo, and an apple. Yet somehow the whole thing turned into a Balagan, as the Daily Freier learned when we went to vote and discovered the confusion of the former Zehut voters. In Tel Aviv, there are A LOT of these guys. Trust us.

“Hey, I just voted for the new Zehut Party.” exclaimed a guy named Udi who we recognized from Midburn. “Their name is the best: ‘Joint List!’ ….That’s almost as good as ‘Spliff List’, right?”

“More votes means cheaper weed!” cackled Danny from the coffee shop. “Also, Mamash love the new name!”

After meeting four more of our confused Zehut friends at the polling station, the Daily Freier finally broke the news: that ‘Joint List’ is a party consisting of Communists, Islamists, and Arab Nationalists…. and we became a giant buzzkill. The reactions were immediate:

“Nobody told us.”

“We thought that maybe Feiglin and the guy with the Mohawk wanted to get a better domain name for their website.”

“Maybe that’s why we didn’t get enough votes last time.”

UPDATE: The Times of Israel reports that Joint List would have received 15 seats, but half of Zehut’s voters think that the Election is tomorrow.

4:20, Israeli Politics

“So how did you think we got all our great ideas?” Meretz defends pot smoking MK’s

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 11/30/2018 at 3:30 PM

The Yafo Flea Market: Meretz is striking back forcefully against a recently re-visited Government Ethics Panel from 4 years ago forbidding their Knesset Members from smoking cannabis. The Jerusalem Post reported that Tamar Zandberg, a MK for Israel’s In-No-Way-Out-In-Left-Field Meretz Party, was admonished that she could not smoke weed because:

a) it’s against the law

b) she’s like a lawmaker and stuff

But if you think our friends at Meretz were going to simply roll over and give up, well, you’re wrong. The Party issued a stern rebuttal to the Ethics Committee, signed by all of their MK’s, and delivered at a Press Conference this afternoon at the Yafo Flea Market.

“This so-called ruling by the Quote Unquote Ethics Committee is totally unjust.” admonished Meretz spokesperson Danny C.  “This ruling deprives our party of some of our best idea generating sessions. I mean, just last night we were only one or two bong-hits away from truly solving the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.”

Danny continued. “Also, after a marathon 12 spliff session on Tuesday, we came up with a solution to Greater Tel Aviv’s sky-high rental costs which was just brilliant! ….The trouble is, the next morning was “Group Cleanup Day” at our communal apartment on Sheinkin, and now we can’t find the pizza box where we drew the diagrams for all the geodesic domes, houseboats, and rooftop yurts. Wait, do you know what day the Garbageman comes? We might be able to find it in the Green bins next to the curb.”

The Daily Freier asked Danny just how long Meretz has been doing…. ummm…. ‘enhanced brainstorming”, and he replied that it’s been “like years and years”  since this has been the case. “In 2014, the Party drafted a 5-Point Resolution to better integrate Israel’s Arab minority, but by the time we got back from Midburn, we realized that we’d left the manifesto at the campsite in the blue IKEA bag that also held our bamba and glow-sticks.”

Danny then reached under the podium to get the Party’s latest press release on increasing voter participation, only to find that he’d misplaced it. But he was positive that it contained the following phrases: “It worked in Holland“, “commune in the Arava“, “windmill“, and “hemp seeds“.

 

4:20, Start Up Nation, Tel Aviv Living

Scientists baffled as Tel Aviv now 100% covered in spliff smoke, but “everybody’s out of weed”

Daily Freier Tel Aviv IsraelBy Aaron Pomerantz

Last Updated 5/2/2017 at 11:20 AM

Tel Aviv, Kerem HaTeimanim: Israel’s greatest scientific minds are stumped by a strange and disturbing anomaly of the Natural World: the complete and total coverage of the city of Tel Aviv in a haze of smoke from cannabis/tobacco spliffs, despite the fact that everybody in town is “totally out of weed.” The Daily Freier decided to turn to our science advisors, Gideon and Alex from the Technion, for an expert analysis.

“What we are looking at is a possibly limitless source of renewable energy.” explained Alex. “If the matter in question, i.e. loosely rolled cigarettes containing a mix of tobacco and cannabis, can simply exist outside of the realm of matter being created or destroyed, then we may be on the cusp of something amazing. It would be like discovering a perpetual motion machine. Only cooler.”

Gideon agreed with Alex, but with an interesting theological twist. “One can be committed to science and reason, yet also believe that our Universe was created with Intelligent Design. Specifically, the concept that spliffs continue to materialize in Tel Aviv despite the universal absence of cannabis begs the question: Is this a modern miracle in the same venue as the miraculous Chanukah oil that lasted 8 Days? Like, Nes Gadol Haya Po?” Gideon was quick to mention that this theory is not confined to the Jewish Community. “I was just speaking to a priest in Jerusalem, and he likened the current state of affairs in Tel Aviv to the Wedding Feast of Cana where Christians believe that Jesus turned water into wine…. Except this must be bamba into cannabis. Or something like that.”

When the Daily Freier pressed the scientists for a possible alternate theory, they insisted that their hypothesis would stand up to peer review. “Our data is sound. Something incredible is happening in Tel Aviv….. either that or everyone is just full of crap and secretly hoarding their weed stashes for themselves.“

4:20, Tel Aviv Living

Cannabis Decriminalization raises fears in Tel Aviv that you might start smelling pot smoke in the streets

Tel Aviv marijiana decriminalized(Note: This story is published in today’s print edition in Scratch ‘N’ Sniff format)

By Aaron Pomerantz and Gabby Shuster

Last Updated 3/8/2017 at 4:20

Tel Aviv: With the recent ruling decriminalizing cannabis in the State of Israel, Tel Aviv residents are concerned that they may start smelling marijuana smoke on the streets. Like, In Tel Aviv. Marijuana smoke. We mean, out in the open and stuff. The Daily Freier set out to get all the facts before we started to make things up.

“I’m just concerned that when I walk down Florentin Street I may encounter marijuana smoke.” explained local musician Tomer G. “And that would not be OK.”

“This sets a very bad precedent.” noted Avner B., an artisanal cheese maker out of Yafo. “Soon people won’t need to mix cannabis into tobacco to mask a cigarette’s true nature. They may not even need to smoke their cannabis in ceramic pipes that are painted to look like a filtered cigarette.” Avner’s eyes darted around the room nervously for a moment. “I mean, if that’s the way other people smoke cannabis now. I mean, people who definitely aren’t me.”

North Tel Aviv resident Yoni K. also shared his fears. “Next thing you know, people will be smoking spliffs at a Tuesday night rooftop party, one of those bars on Dizengoff with the long tables and benches, or at a bus stop in broad daylight on Ibn Gvirol.” (Note to the satirically impaired: This is already happening).

“I am curious what this ‘cannabis’ thing smells like.” observed alert local Ronit S. as she sat outside of a pub near the Carmel Market. “Does it smell like that cigarette that those guys over there are smoking? Because that cigarette smells like my older brother’s Metallica jean jacket smelled like back in High School.”

“Wait. Cannabis is decriminalized now?” enthused Sarit B., a hostess at a pub on Allenby Street. “I’m a little excited. Maybe now cannabis use will be readily observed in Tel Aviv’s pubs, bars, and clubs.”

This week’s ruling has had ramifications beyond Israel’s borders as well, with 2016 United States Libertarian Party Presidential Candidate Gary Johnson indicated that he may be now interested in a fact-finding visit to the Holy Land.

Tel Aviv officials reacted to the potential fallout of the ruling with mixed feelings. Municipality Cultural Affairs Chairperson Safir H. tried to see the bright side of the change. “Well, at least the smell of pot on the streets might displace the smell of dry pee.“