Tag: Libertarian

Feiglin’s cannabis voters accidentally choose “Joint List”

“Nobody told us”

(photo credit: Zehut Party)

By Aaron Pomerantz & Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 9/19/2019 at 4:20 PM

Tel Aviv: With the result’s from Tuesday’s elections in, there were some real suprises. Likud under-performed, Lieberman got a lot of votes, and the Arab Joint List Party performed better than expected. Yet while some people attribute Joint List’s performance as a negative reaction to Abu Yair Bibi, the Daily Freier has found the real reason: a large bloc of former Zehut voters accidentally voted Joint List.

You see, Moshe Feiglin’s Zehut Party was a real… party. Kinda hardcore on the National Security side, kinda Libertarian on the domestic side: right to bear arms, and lots and lots of weed. Last year, Zehut did an amazing job of stealing the Stoner vote from Meretz. Later, Feiglin joined Netanyahu’s Coalition in exchange for 3 grams of Kush, rolling papers, some krembo, and an apple. Yet somehow the whole thing turned into a Balagan, as the Daily Freier learned when we went to vote and discovered the confusion of the former Zehut voters. In Tel Aviv, there are A LOT of these guys. Trust us.

Hey, I just voted for the new Zehut Party.” exclaimed a guy named Udi who we recognized from Midburn. “Their name is the best: ‘Joint List!’ ….That’s almost as good as ‘Spliff List’, right?

More votes means cheaper weed!” cackled Danny from the coffee shop. “Also, Mamash love the new name!

After meeting four more of our confused Zehut friends at the polling station, the Daily Freier finally broke the news: that ‘Joint List’ is a party consisting of Communists, Islamists, and Arab Nationalists…. and we became a giant buzzkill. The reactions were immediate:

Nobody told us.

We thought that maybe Feiglin and the guy with the Mohawk wanted to get a better domain name for their website.

Maybe that’s why we didn’t get enough votes last time.

UPDATE: The Times of Israel reports that Joint List would have received 15 seats, but half of Zehut’s voters think that the Election is tomorrow.

Gary Johnson suspends Campaign in order to attend Hacky Sack tournament

Gary Johnson suspends campaign in order to attend hacky sack tournament Daily Freier(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 10/15/2016 at 12:30 PM

Fort Collins, Colorado:  In the latest twist to an unpredictable election season, Libertarian candidate for President Gary Johnson has temporarily suspended his campaign in order to compete at next week’s Hacky Sack tournament in Boulder. The Daily Freier caught up with the candidate when their minivan stopped at a local brewpub/bike repair shop for a campaign rally.

I know running for President is important.” explained former New Mexico Governor Johnson as we sat at the table in the back of the mini-van. “But I missed last year’s tournament and I’ll be darned if I miss two years in a row.” Governor Johnson pushed away a bottle of Febreze, a toilet paper roll with a fabric softener sheet lining the inside, and a hollowed out apple with some sort of resin on it as he cleared space on the table to chart out his strategy for the tournament. “Two years ago I made it to the quarter-final round before getting eliminated. There’s a lot of luck in who you draw for your circle, but it also helps to just show up with a good vibe and not be a dick. That’s usually good enough to get you to the second or third round. I kinda lost track of time, but it felt like we had the sack in the air for hours. Stoked.”

As a campaign aide placed a cassette marked “Phish Binghamton April ’94” into the minivan’s tape deck, Governor Johnson called a brief halt to the interview. “Can we just chill for a sec? I think this is the one where they closed with ‘Highway to Hell’ done a capella.”

With less than a month to go before the election, the move to suspend the campaign for a week met with some internal friction within the Johnson-Weld team. In fact, Johnson’s campaign aide described running mate former Massachusetts Governor William Weld as “being a total buzzkill about the whole thing“. Yet Governor Johnson was not swayed by any dissent. “Weld’s good people,” Johnson noted, as he rolled some sort of cigarette on a pristine white binder labeledForeign Policy that appeared to be in its original plastic wrapper, “but sometimes he just needs to chill. Besides, we just need a few days to unwind. Catch some rays. Maybe do a nice bike ride down to the Springs.  Plus I got a bro down there who just opened his own climbing gym.”

As the Daily Freier got up to leave, Governor Johnson discreetly asked us if we “wanted to go in on a bag“.