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EDITOR’S NOTE: We blacked out the name of the cat’s owner. But if you are that person, the Daily Freier wants to help you get your cat laid and will be happy to add any relevent contact info to this post. Let us know.

By Aaron Pomerantz

Last Updated 9/24/2017 at 12:30 PM

Ramat Gan: Popular Facebook page “Secret Tel Aviv” is a useful resource for the city’s English-speaking community, serving as a way to locate your lost underwear, sell “somebody else’s” Adult movie collection, or to find a sweater for your pet chicken

Yet today the site is in a bit of trouble with the Authorities. Just before Shabbat, a Ramat Gan woman wrote a post attempting to procure a female cat for her male Sphynx named “Yoda” to have sexual relations with. Now the Tel Aviv Police Department’s cyber-crimes unit is investigating this possible case of cat-pimping. The Daily Freier walked down to the police station on Dizengoff to get all the facts.

“What we are uncovering is really unprecedented.” explained a detective named Sivan. “I mean, this may be the first time anybody ever used Secret Tel Aviv to have sex. If we don’t move quickly, Secret Tel Aviv could turn into the sort of site where women ask for advice on the best skin care options in Tel Aviv and a bunch of sketchy dudes make the same perverted joke. Imagine that!”

The Daily Freier then took the time to speak to several passersby at Shuk HaCarmel about this disturbing development. “I am very worried about the direction that Secret Tel Aviv is taking recently.” explained alert local Ronit S. “I mean, at this rate, they might even open their own Sperm Bank. Wait, never mind.”

Naturally, the post was so strange that Secret Tel Aviv’s readers chose to ignore it and….. JUST KIDDING! They lost their minds! There were 80 comments before the Admins shut it down! A third of them were women (Yes. They were ALL Women) urging the owner to get Yoda’s junk “snipped”. A third of them were people trying to facilitate a cat hookup. And a third of them just stopped by to stare.

In order to get a more balanced view on this story, the Daily Freier reached out to Tel Aviv’s cat community for their opinion, which wasn’t really that difficult, because our Vaad Bayit leaves food for them outside our building and they are ALWAYS AROUND. Anyway, we spoke to a Calico named “Phoebe” who shared her opinions on this urgent topic. “So my girlfriends showed me the post because I’ve been single since June and I have to admit he was kinda cute….. but then I saw that he lives all the way out in Ramat Gan. So yeah… thanks but no thanks. I am NOT doing the Walk of Shame on the 66 Sherut.“

By Aaron Pomerantz

Last Updated 8/14/2016 at 11:10 AM

Tel Aviv, Shabazi Street: Neve Tzedek’s latest Gallery is taking the Tel Aviv Art World by storm, and with good reason. The Krakonowsky Gallery on Shabazi Street has cleared all of its walls in order to exhibit nothing but photos of people taking photos of cats in Neve Tzedek. The Gallery’s Chief Docent Yair G. explained.

“What we are trying to do is capture the essence of place. And that place is Neve Tzedek. Which has a lot of tourists. And a lot of cats. Everything else kinda fell into place.”

The Daily Freier asked Yair how long the Krakonowsky Gallery has been open, and he explained that it opened six weeks ago. Yair, who hails from Ashkelon, then went on to explain the name of the Gallery. “We were looking for something that sounded sufficiently Old World, sufficiently Ashkenazic, and sufficiently Pretentious. And then, BAM! The name hit me. Inspiration is like that sometimes.”

The Daily Freier then took the time to follow the patrons throughout the Gallery to get a feel for their reactions. Film Graduate Student Naomi P. admired one photo of a Birthright participant taking a photo of a Calico cat as it wrestled with an empty bag of Bamba. “Amazing. She seems perfectly at ease with being in front of the camera. No fear of humans whatsoever….. The Birthright participant I mean.”

Local collector Arielle C. shared her enthusiasm on the exhibit. “Wow. Just wow. This is just superb. And now my obsession with artistic depictions of pop tarts just seems so…..so…… June 2016.”

The Krakonowsky Collection’s Exhibit will continue through September, at which point it will switch over to pictures of tourists trying to find their way out of Neve Tzedek.

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