Tel Aviv, Kikar Dizengoff: A work of modern art planned for display in the soon to be renovated Dizengoff Square is meeting heavy opposition from concerned members of the Community. The statue, designed by Neve Tzedek artist Yair G. and titled “Tel Aviv Epiphany”, does not portray a man eagerly displaying his genitals to passerby. And Tel Aviv residents are not too happy. The Daily Freier walked down to Dizengoff Square where an impromptu protest was taking place.
“I don’t know how they do things down in Neve Tzedek” admonished Tomer C., a resident of Bograshov. “But up here in Tel Aviv, we expect our statues to be touching themselves. Or rummaging around down there as if their lease paperwork is hidden somewhere in their boxers shorts.”
As the protest continued throughout the day, sympathetic members of the Municipal Government met with community organizers. “These statues really serve as a public service.” explained Cultural Affairs Chairperson Safir H. “I mean, when you think of it, a Tel Aviv guy offering to show strangers his genitals is actually a rather accurate preview of what out of town visitors will experience in Tel Aviv.”
Yet despite the strong opposition from community activists, some Tel Aviv residents see the wisdom in maybe erecting displaying a slightly different kind of statue. Alert local Ronit S. explained. “My family lives in Holon, and last week I had to give my mom directions to my new apartment. So I told her ‘Turn right at the statue of the guy grabbing himself.’ And my mom was like ‘You mean the one on Rothschild where he is using both hands? And then I said ‘No. The one on Dizengoff and Gordon where he is relaxing in a chair with his legs open.’ So yeah…. maybe if they just had a statue of a bird or a car or something, it would be better.”
As the protest adjourned for the evening, several philanthropic-minded men from the neighborhood offered to serve as models for a statue that better served the wishes of the community.
Tel Aviv, Shabazi Street: Neve Tzedek’s latest Gallery is taking the Tel Aviv Art World by storm, and with good reason. The Krakonowsky Gallery on Shabazi Street has cleared all of its walls in order to exhibit nothing but photos of people taking photos of cats in Neve Tzedek. The Gallery’s Chief Docent Yair G. explained.
“What we are trying to do is capture the essence of place. And that place is Neve Tzedek. Which has a lot of tourists. And a lot of cats. Everything else kinda fell into place.”
The Daily Freier asked Yair how long the Krakonowsky Gallery has been open, and he explained that it opened six weeks ago. Yair, who hails from Ashkelon, then went on to explain the name of the Gallery. “We were looking for something that sounded sufficiently Old World, sufficiently Ashkenazic, and sufficiently Pretentious. And then, BAM! The name hit me. Inspiration is like that sometimes.”
The Daily Freier then took the time to follow the patrons throughout the Gallery to get a feel for their reactions. Film Graduate Student Naomi P. admired one photo of a Birthright participant taking a photo of a Calico cat as it wrestled with an empty bag of Bamba. “Amazing. She seems perfectly at ease with being in front of the camera. No fear of humans whatsoever….. The Birthright participant I mean.”
Local collector Arielle C. shared her enthusiasm on the exhibit. “Wow. Just wow. This is just superb. And now my obsession with artistic depictions of pop tarts just seems so…..so…… June 2016.”
The Krakonowsky Collection’s Exhibit will continue through September, at which point it will switch over to pictures of tourists trying to find their way out of Neve Tzedek.
Ramat Gan Eden: Have you ever wondered why Israelis honk all the time? You might have though they were impatient, pushy or even rude, but a new discovery made at the Linguistics Faculty of Bar Ilan University explains everything.
“The sound of honking is an absolute copy of an archaic meaning for ‘sorry‘ in ancient Hebrew.” explained Professor Yael K. over the phone as we wandered lost around Ramat Gan trying to find the Campus. “Moreover, it actually means ‘I am sorry for all that I have done wrong within past 24 hours.‘ so it can actually be addressed to a lady they cut in line earlier this morning or a guy they elbowed trying to get on the bus. The word was spelled as בייב, which can be mistakenly confused with the word ‘beep’ due to the overwhelming influence of modern English.”
Professor Yael then provided the historical background of this remarkable theory. “If you look at the history of the Jewish people, we’ve always been reflexive. We tend to gather the information, analyze it, and only then do we make conclusions. Therefore, we don’t say sorry straightway, but we wait until we can fully understand what happened and apologize”.
However, how do Israelis acquire this knowledge? “There are a few hypotheses, but very likely, it’s Tnuva milk that enables the transfer of this information from one generation to another. That’s how we learn this ancient word, and thus it becomes a part of our vocabulary. Some linguists even suspect that 1% milk has a bit worse transferability rate, and that Soy milk is completely worthless, but further peer-reviewed research is required.”
Am Israeli Chai
Live from Tel Aviv. This is like Satire and Stuff.