Tag: #IranDeal

Iran Names its Newest Ballistic Missile in Honor of Ben Rhodes

Tehran- The Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps was giddy with anticipation today as they waited for Iran’s Supreme Leader to unveil their newest weapon system to the public. As crowds waited at the bi-weekly “Death to America/Death to Israel Military Parade and Children’s Puppet Show”, the Ayatollah Khameini removed a giant tarp to reveal Iran’s newest missile: the “Ben Rhodes”. Named in honor of the most clever former aspiring novelist to ever serve as a National Security Advisor to Barack Obama, the “Ben Rhodes” is an impressive weapon indeed. The Ayatollah Khameini explained the reasoning behind the name to the press.

(The Freier is on Israellycool today. Check us out!)

 

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Kerry Warns Israel That If They Oppose Iran Deal, He Will Personally Deliver 10,000 Electric Bikes to Tel Aviv

john-kerry

(Photo Credit: TV Center)

By The Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 8/11/2015 at 3:30 PM

WashingtonUnited States Secretary of State John Francis Kerry issued a chilling ultimatum to Israel earlier today according to credible sources.  Per these sources, in a closed-door session Kerry informed Israel’s Ambassador Ron Dermer that if Israel continued to oppose the Iran nuclear deal, that Kerry would personally deliver 10,000 electric bikes to downtown Tel Aviv.  “10,000 effing bikes, Ron.  You think I’m bluffing?  C-17 baby.  I can bring all the electric bikes I want.”  Kerry continued, “I will personally hand out these bikes.  Then just try walking down the sidewalk or crossing the street….. But I’m not finished.  You cross me and my Embassy will sponsor a week-long 24/7 matkot tournament.  With mizrahi pop music.  Lots and Lots of mizrahi pop music.  How you like them apples, Ron?”  Kerry went on to promise that if Israel continues to oppose the deal, he would  kick off the matkot tournament, give away the electric bikes by hand, and then go windsurfing.

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