Who among us is not beyond excited for the next season of Fauda? With Season 4 already on the streets, we now have a new excuse to stay home and socially distance from all you weirdos. Yes it is the talk of the town, and now that it’s on Netflix, it also gives you something to talk about with your relatives in Chul! But (SPOILER ALERT!) there are some crazy plot twists coming up in Season 5, and the Daily Freier has the inside scoop! Here are just a few of the twists and turns that the writers and actors have in store for us next season!
1) Doron chases suspect into Dizengoff Center but gets lost and walks around for a 3-episode story arc
2) Hamas suicide bomber thwarted after heroic scooter riders knock him over on the Tel Aviv Tayelet
3) Doron, Sagi, and Captain Ayub buy an old beat-up van and go on stakeout dressed as Nachmanis
4) Weird subplot about a cranky washed-up British rock star from the 1960’s who dislikes most Jews
5) Nurit almost gets killed after she insists on stopping at the Brussels Airport Duty Free
6) Mossad starts using Anglo Olim speaking Hebrew over the phone in order to confuse Hezbollah
7) Mossad equally confused by Anglo Olim speaking Hebrew over the phone
8) Captain Ayub yells at the Team after they all share the same Netflix password and blow their cover
9) Episode One is just Sagi waiting for an informant to come up the escalator in Yitzhak Navon train station
10) Doron suspended after he forces a prisoner to listen to John Kerry speeches for 48 hours straight
However, the most captivating (and promising) word for new Canadian Olah Emily S. was “Alan”. In fact, Emily thought that Alan was a mysterious, powerful (and hopefully single!) Jew who owns all the bars and falafel kiosks in Tel Aviv.
“No matter where you go, everyone’s greeting is ‘Alan’ which sounds more like ‘Ahla’, but maybe that’s just the accent. Who is that guy? Where can I find him?” wondered Emily, as she kept on wandering from one bar on Dizengoff street to another, until she decided to finally “ask for a friend” on Secret Tel Aviv.
After receiving 27 unrelated questions about a bus schedule on Shabbat, 56 friend requests and 116 messages offering to “Netflix and Chill” in Kfar Saba, she found out that “Ahalan” is just a greeting, meaning “Ugh, another customer is going to eat my brains, what the heck do you want from me?” (Mandatory Spoiler Alert: It actually derives from the word for “Welcome” in Arabic. So entries in the comments section explaining our ignorance are unnecessary…..but still welcome!)
This newfound knowledge definitely didn’t make Emily’s Aliyah struggles any better and she has even started thinking of moving back to Canada. Keep Olim, Nefesh B’Neshesh and some random strangers from Allenby street have decided to help Emily, but they don’t know how. Therefore, we count on your wisdom, dear readers, to help Emily solve her dilemma.
Tel Aviv, The Old North: North Tel Aviv resident Avi C. has some serious concerns. His girlfriend of four months, Tamar R. is pretty and smart and relatively easygoing. And Avi is beginning to suspect that the only reason he’s still around is that his apartment is equipped with a luxury item: a working dishwasher. “I know I must sound crazy. But I feel that she’s only keeping me around because of my dishwasher. And get this….She already has 3 dinner parties for all of her couples friends planned out through the end of January at my place. I’m losing my mind.“
When the Daily Freier tried to reason with Avi, he read us a text he received from Tamar. “Hey Avi! Wanted to bring some of my dishes over. I was thinking that tonight we could do Netflix, use the dishwasher and chill” Avi then shrugged his shoulders and threw his hands in the air. “I mean what the hell does Netflix dishwasher and chill even mean?”
In order to form a balanced picture, The Daily Freier spoke with Tamar about this troubling development. “Oh that’s just Avi, he’s being silly. He knows what he means to me. It’s just that his kitchen is just so much better laid out. With the granite counter, the kitchen island, and the dishwasher, there’s just so much potential and I really see a lot of good things in the future……with Avi I mean. Good things in the future with Avi.”
When the Daily Freier last saw Avi, he was composing a post on Secret Tel Aviv asking for advice on this same topic “for a friend”.
Live from Tel Aviv. This is like Satire and Stuff.