Tag: Netflix and Chill

Canadian Olah curious about this “Alan” guy everyone mentions

anadian Olah curious about this mysterious "Alan" guy Daily Freier

By Mia Deych

Last Updated 6/29/2016 at 7:00 AM

Tel Aviv: Let’s be objective – Hebrew isn’t the easiest language to learn. For some reason, “table”(shul’chan) is a boy and “chair” (kisey) is a girl. Kind of sexist, don’t you think so? At the same time, “head” (rosh) is also a boy, but “stomach” (beten) is a girl. And then it’s time to conjugate….

However, the most captivating (and promising) word for new Canadian Olah Emily S. was “Alan”. In fact, Emily thought that Alan was a mysterious, powerful (and hopefully single!) Jew who owns all the bars and falafel kiosks in Tel Aviv.

No matter where you go, everyone’s greeting is ‘Alan’ which sounds more like ‘Ahla’, but maybe that’s just the accent. Who is that guy? Where can I find him?” wondered Emily, as she kept on wandering from one bar on Dizengoff street to another, until she decided to finally “ask for a friend” on Secret Tel Aviv.

After receiving 27 unrelated questions about a bus schedule on Shabbat, 56 friend requests and 116 messages offering to “Netflix and Chill” in Kfar Saba, she found out that “Ahalan” is just a greeting, meaning “Ugh, another customer is going to eat my brains, what the heck do you want from me?” (Mandatory Spoiler Alert: It actually  derives from the word for “Welcome” in Arabic. So entries in the comments section explaining our ignorance are unnecessary…..but still welcome!)

This newfound knowledge definitely didn’t make Emily’s Aliyah struggles any better and she has even started thinking of moving back to Canada. Keep Olim, Nefesh B’Neshesh and some random strangers from Allenby street have decided to help Emily, but they don’t know how. Therefore, we count on your wisdom, dear readers, to help Emily solve her dilemma.

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Tel Aviv Man Concerned Girlfriend Only Staying With Him For His Dishwasher

dishwasher

By The Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 11/12/2015 at 11:20 AM

Tel Aviv, The Old North: North Tel Aviv resident Avi C. has some serious concerns.  His girlfriend of four months, Tamar R. is pretty and smart and relatively easygoing.  And Avi is beginning to suspect that the only reason he’s still around is that his apartment is equipped with a luxury item: a working dishwasher. “I know I must sound crazy. But I feel that she’s only keeping me around because of my dishwasher.  And get this….She already has 3 dinner parties for all of her couples friends planned out through the end of January at my place. I’m losing my mind.

When the Daily Freier tried to reason with Avi, he read  us a text he received from Tamar. “Hey Avi!  Wanted to bring some of my dishes over. I was thinking that tonight we could do Netflix, use the dishwasher and chill”   Avi then shrugged his shoulders and threw his hands in the air.I mean what the hell does Netflix dishwasher and chill even mean?

In order to form a balanced picture, The Daily Freier spoke with Tamar about this troubling development. “Oh that’s just Avi, he’s being silly. He knows what he means to me.  It’s just that his kitchen is just so much better laid out.  With the granite counter, the kitchen island, and the dishwasher, there’s just so much potential and I really see a lot of good things in the future……with Avi I mean.  Good things in the future with Avi.

When the Daily Freier last saw Avi, he was composing a post on Secret Tel Aviv asking for advice on this same topic “for a friend”.