Tag: Duty Free

Israelis Abroad, Start Up Nation

El Al flight delayed after Stowaway Birds refuse Mixed Gender Seating

By Yekutiel Bornstein & Mark Levy

Last Updated 8/29/2023 at 12:50 PM

Ben Gurion Airport, Terminal 3: The Times of Israel reported Monday that an El Al flight from Tel Aviv to New York was delayed due to stowaway birds in the cargo hold. Yet the story failed to report the specific reasons for the delay: numerous birds refused to sit next to birds of the opposite gender for reasons of religious modesty. The Daily Freier rushed to get the facts that the Mainstream Media refused to divulge.

“I can’t sit next to a female.” explained Nahum, a crow from Beit Shemesh. “What if she starts singing? It would be Kol Isha….except for birds.“

Itzhik, a pigeon currently getting his Smicha at a prominent coop in Bnai Brak, patiently explained the conundrum to Irit, a confused Heloni dove from Holon. “On such a long flight passengers could accidentally touch, on the shared armrest for example. Sitting next to a male bird would just make things less complicated.“

Yet it appears that not all of the birds’ claims of religious modesty were authentic. “I told that weird seagull who tried to sit next to me that I was Dati and followed Shomeret Negiya.” explained Smadar, a hoopoe from Petach Tikva. “But honestly, I just thought he was gross“. Smadar looked furtively around the cargo hold and lowered her voice. “Also, there’s a really cute hoopoe near the bulkhead who is looking for a seat.” Smadar briefly glanced at him and then looked away. “Wait, do you think he sees me?“

The El Al flight finally took off after ground personnel promised the deplaned birds that they could still visit Duty Free.

Mossad, Terrorism

Top Ten Surprises in Fauda Season 5

 

Who among us is not beyond excited for the next season of Fauda?  With Season 4 already on the streets, we now have a new excuse to stay home and socially distance from all you weirdos. Yes it is the talk of the town, and now that it’s on Netflix, it also gives you something to talk about with your relatives in Chul! But (SPOILER ALERT!) there are some crazy plot twists coming up in Season 5, and the Daily Freier has the inside scoop! Here are just a few of the twists and turns that the writers and actors have in store for us next season!

1) Doron chases suspect into Dizengoff Center but gets lost and walks around for a 3-episode story arc

2) Hamas suicide bomber thwarted after heroic scooter riders knock him over on the Tel Aviv Tayelet

3) Doron, Sagi, and Captain Ayub buy an old beat-up van and go on stakeout dressed as Nachmanis

4) Weird subplot about a cranky washed-up British rock star from the 1960’s who dislikes most Jews

5) Nurit almost gets killed after she insists on stopping at the Brussels Airport Duty Free

6) Mossad starts using Anglo Olim speaking Hebrew over the phone in order to confuse Hezbollah

7) Mossad equally confused by Anglo Olim speaking Hebrew over the phone

8) Captain Ayub yells at the Team after they all share the same Netflix password and blow their cover

9) Episode One is just Sagi waiting for an informant to come up the escalator in Yitzhak Navon train station

10) Doron suspended after he forces a prisoner to listen to John Kerry speeches for 48 hours straight

 

Israelis Abroad

Top Ten Reasons that Israeli Woman walked into Syria last week
(photo credit: The Facebook)

So this Israeli woman wandered into Syria a while back and Israel apparently traded her freedom for Bamba, some rolling papers, and a matkot paddle the release of two Security prisoners and a large shipment of Russian Corona vaccines. It appears the woman has some issues, so this is a bit sad. But we paid a big price, she probably won’t be punished, and apparently she couldn’t care less. So here goes, the Daily Freier is going to satirize the situation with her Top Ten Excuses:

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(1) Sorry, I was using Waze.

(2) I’m still hiding from Hot Mobile because they said I never returned my router after I moved apartments in 2012.

(3) Nefesh B’ Nefesh asked me to join their “Go North!” program.

(4) Was hoping to escape those stupid automated texts asking me who I’m voting for in the election.

(5) I will do just about anything to get out of cleaning for Pesach.

(6) Hey, do you know where they keep the Duty Free?

(7) Was looking for “the best hummus place”.

(8) Wait, this isn’t Ra’anana?

(9) Syria still has better Corona numbers than Beitar Ilit.

(10) Someone said they were more relaxed about the Purim curfew there.