Tag: Natalie Portman

BDS, Israellycool

Natalie Portman’s new film set in a Parallel Universe where Natalie Portman doesn’t say dumb sh*t

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 8/4/2018 at 2:15 PM

Hollywood: Critics and audiences are raving about the new Sci-Fi hit starring Natalie Portman. The Film titled “Being De-Woked“, is set in a reality where Natalie Portman does not feel the need to constantly make statements about current events that make Snooki sound like Margaret Thatcher. In the film, the Israeli Government notices that Hollyweird is turning Natalie dangerously “Woke“,  so they dispatch a crack team of time-traveling Frechot Commandos (names: Maytal, Maygal, Roni, Meirav, Moran, and Stav) to find Natalie in the year 2008, kidnap her, and bring her to a secret Mossad laboratory in the Mojave Desert where she undergoes a controversial “De-Wokeification” process, thus preventing the current reality of a “Woke” Natalie from ever taking place. (Spoiler Alert: the mission is almost compromised when Roni diverts the Time Machine so she can visit the Duty-Free at LAX).

(We’re published over on Israellycool today. Check us out!)

Fashion

Israel’s Fashion World Turns Out For Gala Launch of the Hot New Cologne: “Tahanah Merkazit”

images(Photo Credit: Some French Girl)

(Models From Left to Right: Shlomo, Shlomo, Shlomo, and Shlomo)

By Emily Goldstein

Last Updated 9/21/2015 at 9:00 PM

Tel Aviv, Opera- It’s literally a “Whose Who” of the Israeli fashion world at tonight’s product launch of the hot new cologne for men: “Tahanah Merkazit”. Tahanah Merkazit is billed as “Summoning up the Sights, the Sounds, the Smells….of Tel Aviv’s Central Bus Station.” With such luminaries as Bar Refaeli and Natalie Portman in attendance, anyone who is anyone does NOT want to miss tonight’s launch. The Daily Freier talked to local Fashion expert Emanuelle H. for her take on the event.

As several sweaty men wearing short sleeve shirts unbuttoned to the navel walked down the fashion runway, Emanuelle explained what she saw. “See how the first model exudes a raw virility as he strides the runway and shows off the musk of ‘Tahanah Merkazit’… Now this model’s name is Shlomo…..Actually, I believe that all of the models are named Shlomo.”

While the ingredients of “Tahanah Merkazit” are a closely guarded trade secret, rumor has it that it is brewed on-site in the basement of the Central Bus Station. Emanuelle shared some industry gossip on the ingredients. “Rumor in the fashion world is that it is a mix of sweat, sunflower seed husks, cigarette butts, falafel, and I believe, pee.”

Tahanah Merkazit is slated to be in stores as early as next month, and advance orders are piling up. Yet Emanuelle stressed that men should proceed with caution before purchasing this product. “As a woman, let me tell you that the effect of this stuff is powerful” as she furtively eyed the second model named Shlomo.

Based on the early success of “Tahanah Merkazit”, the fashion world can look forward to a late Fall release of the cologne “Number 5 Sherut”

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