Khan Yunis, Gaza: The United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees in the Middle East (UNRWA) is in turmoil today after published reports revealed that one of their own maintains a Facebook page with absolutely no pictures of Hitler, Jews being hunted down, nor of religious Jews being run over with a car. Fares A., a mathematics teacher at Sayyid Qutb Elementary School in Khan Yunis, maintains a Facebook profile containing strictly pictures of his family, pictures of himself in front of somebody else’s Ferrari, a picture posted by his high school sweetheart (whom his wife can’t stand) of the two of them together in the early 1990’s, and pictures of what appears to be an outdoor barbecue event with particularly tasty lamb.
Fares’s fellow teachers at Sayyid Qutb Elementary were in a state of shock today. “You think you know a guy, and then, bang, this happens.” stated a disheartened History Teacher Hassan M. ” I mean, he’s been to my house, we talk football…..I guess next time I will be more careful with my friendships.” Geography teacher Layla R. was equally upset. “This man has tarnished the dignity of Gaza. This is even worse than when the Mossad kidnapped our Bumblebee.”
Jerusalem: The United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees in the Middle East (UNRWA) has created a hot new version of the popular Facebook game Farmville. The new game, “Naqbaville” was designed so that UNRWA’s teachers and other employees have something to do on Facebook when they are not posting over the top cartoons portraying Jews in not-so-nice ways. The Daily Freier caught up with UNRWA Spokesman Chris Gunness, who took us to the UNRWA Game Design Center to look at an exciting online Naqbaville tournament in progress.
“So you’ll see that Player One just lost a turn. It appears that a swarthy hooked-nosed man with sidelocks poisoned his well water at night. So Player One will have to sit out this round“. Mr. Gunness then turned his attention to Player Two: “Oh no! There’s a Jew hiding in his fields, but don’t worry, the trees and rocks call will call out to him: ‘Brother, there’s a Jew behind me, come and kill him!’ . Chris noted the efforts UNRWA made to ensure the game’s authenticity. “We actually pulled that last quote right out of the Hamas Charter; it took our legal team a day or two for permission, but we promised them free copies of the game and it was totally chill.”
While the game has just hit the streets, Mr. Gunness is confident of its success “Naqbaville is not yet really big, but pretty soon we expect it to really just explode…..The game I mean.”
Despite the initial excitement, there has been some dispute from a few disgruntled customers who felt the game wasn’t quite violent enough against Jews. Yet at this point UNRWA cannot provide refunds. ”Unfortunately all sales are final. You don’t have a right of return.” Chris then paused for a moment in thought and added “……of this product.”
Tel Aviv- A Local humorist faced professional humiliation and ostracism today when he was forced to retract a satirical piece he published on his Blog earlier this week. Aharon Ben Yekutiel, who publishes stories that he thinks are funny while frequenting bistros in the Yirmiyahu-Namal neighborhood of Tel Aviv, suddenly removed a humor piece from his Blog purporting that the United Nations complained that Israel wasn’t sharing the Iron Dome Missile Defense technology with Hamas. The facts on this retraction are still sketchy, but apparently his website has attracted trolls and one of these trolls pointed out that Navi Pillay, UN High Commissioner for Human Rights, did in fact earlier complain that Israel refused to share its Iron Dome with the “governing authority” of Gaza, also know as “Hamas”. Mr. Ben Yekutiel hurriedly took down the link, but not before said trolls took screenshots and posted them on Facebook’s “Secret Tel Aviv” page and the highly esteemed “Jewsnews” website.
Mr. Yekutiel then tried to defend his error. “I mean, c’mon. I know the UN is ridiculous. I know that such paragons of liberty as Sudan, Saudi Arabia, and Libya have all served on the Human Rights Council. I know they’re one step away from electing Roger Waters to be Secretary General. But really? Complain that in a time of war a nation did not share its Ballistic Missile Defense Technology with an enemy whose founding charter vows to wipe out the Jews? It’s almost as if the United Nations has moved beyond self-parody.”
When asked about his future plans, Aharon was pessimistic. “I’ve lost all credibility. I’ll never snark in this town again. I don’t know what to do with my Blog. Maybe I can post funny videos of peoples’ cats. I hear people like funny cat videos.”
Live from Tel Aviv. This is like Satire and Stuff.