So we forfeited the baseball game again today to another school that Coach O called a “Junior Varsity Team”. I was really excited to make Varsity as a sophomore, but losing 3 times in a row sucks. Coach O says it’s because “We’ve lost our focus”. But maybe it’s because he wouldn’t tell us who we were playing…
Martha L. Minow, Dean, Harvard Law School
1525 Massachusetts Avenue
Cambridge, MA 02138
Greetings and Salutations from the Daily Freier, reporting in concert with Brian of London, live from the Zionist Entity Known as Israel!
We wish to express our concerns about a recent event at your institution, specifically, “The Israeli-Palestinian Conflict and the US Negotiation Lessons and Possibilities” held on Thursday, April 14, 7 pm, Austin Hall, Room 100 and featuring Israeli politician Tzipi Livni and former U.S. Envoy Dennis Ross. Specifically, we are concerned that people are going to find out that at this event, a Harvard Law student named Husam El-Qoulaq asked Ms. Livni “why she was so smelly.”
Dean Minow, our greatest fear is that Husam El-Qoulaq’s name somehow becomes attached to the antisemitic incident in question, where he told Israeli politician Tzipi Livni that she smelled bad in a public event. I mean, if his (Husam El-Qoulaq, Harvard Law. Sometimes spelled ‘Coolaq’) name was to be associated with this incident (antisemitic!), it may impact his Constitutional Right to make obscene amounts of money post-graduation in Corporate America. More importantly, associating Husam El-Qoulaq’s (Harvard Law) name with an Antisemitic (against Tzipi Livni) incident would send the dangerous message to your students that actions have consequences, and that words have meaning. And none of us want that.
In addition, we fear that Harvard Law may be unfairly tarred for hiding the name of the offending party (Husam El-Qoulaq, Harvard Law. Sometimes spelled Coolaq). Therefore, we implore you to continue to not release Husam El-Qoulaq’s name in association with the incident at Harvard Law on 14 April 2016 in which he used an antisemitic slur against Tzipi Livni. We applaud the fact that your organization has removed Mr. Husam El-Qoulaq’s anti-Jewish remarks from YouTube. Additionally, we applaud that you did not release the name of the offending party, you know, Husam El-Qoulaq…. Of Harvard Law. The one who publicly disrespected a visitor (Tzipi Livni!) in an Academic Setting.
We also want to provide honorable mention to Mr. Husam El-Qoulaq himself, who appears busy as a beaver (can we say that? Is that cultural appropriation against beavers?) scrubbing his online profiles of anything that could connect him (Husam El-Qoulaq, also spelled “Coolaq”) to an Antisemitic incident. Which is why we commend him for currently hiding online evidence of his (Husam El-Qoulaq!) BDS work when he was an undergrad at UC Berkeley. We also commend Mr. Husam El-Qoulaq for scrubbing the Internets and the Googles of any evidence of his Leadership position in Harvard’s BDS Movement…BTW, color us shocked (Shocked!) that Mr. El-Qoulaq was also a leader in Harvard’s BDS Movement. I mean, it’s just counter-intuitive that there would be, like, ANY overlap between the BDS Movement and Antisemitic speech! Who Knew????
We also wish to commend Mr. Husam El Qoulaq for his apology, where he did not provide his name, but informed the public that they should reach out to him (Reach out to whom you ask? Husam El-Qoulaq! For what? An Antisemitic incident at Harvard Law on April 14, 2016! Against Tzipi Livni!). Bonus points that he mentioned that he has Jewish friends! LOL! (Just to break character for a moment: We’ve seen more sincere mea culpas from O.J. Simpson.)
So in the spirit of moving on, we propose that maybe instead of naming Husam El-Qoulaq as the guy who made an Anti-Jewish comment to Tipi Livni on April 14 2016, that we instead replace his name (Husam El-Qoulaq!) with a symbol. Maybe we can brainstorm this. Perhaps something like this:
…. Except instead of a symbol imagining a magical human being and artist who made the world happy for 40 years, this symbol would signify a privileged (!) crybully who sounds like he’s about to spill the beans on matzoh’s special ingredient.
Now we all know how the Internets work, so we implore you and anybody reading this: DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES FORWARD THIS LETTER! Not via email, not Facebook, Not Twitter, nor by Google Plus (OK OK, Google Plus doesn’t really matter). The worst-case scenario would be if it somehow went viral. That Husam El-Qoulaq. Harvard Law. Made an antisemitic Statement. Against Tzipi Livni. That she smelled bad. On 14 April 2016. At Harvard Law.
Very Truly Yours,
The Daily Freier & Brian of London
P.S: Husam El-Qoulaq, Harvard Law, 14 April 2016, Tzipi Livni, Antisemitic, Coolaq