By Aaron Pomerantz
Last Updated 9/27/2019 at 2:30 PM
Jerusalem: Israel’s Literary Community is abuzz with news of the nation’s Latest Besteller. Titled “OMG, Can You Just Tell Me?“, the book is written by Gruff but Lovable Israeli cab driver Shlomo D. The story tells of his free-form discussions with journalist/author Ms. Tuttle-Singer and includes tales of war, love, loss, family, reconciliation, and who sells the best pomegranates.
Written over the course of 3 years, the book is entirely derived from conversations Shlomo had with Sarah as they drove around Jerusalem, and it covers the course of a friendship that started with Shlomo innocently trying to charge Sarah double the normal rate and graduated to Shlomo inviting Sarah to his niece’s wedding 40 minutes later. The Daily Freier bought a copy of the book, and it was almost as good as the advance copy of Sarah’s book that we stole from Crave Gourmet Street Food last year. So without further ado, here is our synopsis:
Chapter 1: It’s December. Where the Hell is her coat?
Chapter 2: We’re in a traffic jam & Sarah is writing her Fauda fan-fiction again.
Chapter 3: That’s a police checkpoint. Please put away your flask.
Chapter 4: I never actually said “Nu, Saralah?”
Chapter 5: Those cats are NOT getting in my cab.
Chapter 6: I don’t think she likes Bibi.
Chapter 7: The time she had me read her kid’s 6th Grade Essay about Tu B’Shvat and Feminism.
Chapter 8: What’s are edibles?
Chapter 9: No, I never asked myself whether Queen Esther was secretly bi-sexual.
Chapter 10: By all means, please tell me who makes the best hummus in Lod.
When asked about his next steps in the literary world, Shlomo told the Daily Freier that the book’s royalties mean he never has to work again. Also, last year in a fit of entrepreneurial genius, Shlomo introduced Sarah to his wife Sarit, who sells scarves.
UPDATE: Israeli literati woke up in shock this morning to allegations that Shlomo had plagiarized several chapters using a controversial algorithm to build counterfeit Sarah Tuttle-Singer stories that are virtually indistinguishable from the real thing. An angry Shlomo addressed these accusations at a hastily held Press Conference, blaming them on “jealous” neighbors and his idiot cousin Dovi who moved to Miami in the 1990’s.