By Chava Ewa
Last Updated 10/3/2019 at 10:30 AM
Bet Shemesh: The Anglo Israeli Community was paralyzed with fear today over rumors that Amazon Israel had been hacked… and turned into a website selling a poor selection of overpriced Israeli products. The eagerly anticipated launch of the online retail giant in Israel only fueled confusion and disappointment among Olim.
“I put off my yerida for this!” explained Ramat Bet Shemesh resident Dassie S. “I stopped myself from publishing an angry rant on Keep Olim In Israel announcing my departure. I let my brother come and visit from America without bringing me a suitcase of Ziploc bags! They told us Amazon was opening up here, so I decided that I could tough it out. But when I opened my computer and typed in Amazon.co.il and just saw stam overpriced Israeli products, I was sure they had been hacked or something. Why does HaShem hate us?”
The Daily Freier then went to Amazon Israel’s Headquarters in Haifa to demand answers. “No, we haven’t been hacked.” replied an exasperated Customer Service rep named Yuval. “It’s not a prank. Yes, it’s supposed to be like that. And no, I haven’t heard about your special steak spice. Can’t you just buy your spices at the Shuk? I’ve had this conversation a million times today.”
Sadly, this was indeed not an elaborate prank. After several email exchanges with Amazon Israel customer service, the Daily Freier confirmed that they do not intend to stock Montreal Steak Spice, Neosporin, or the snack-size Ziplocs that you can’t even find at Osher Ad. They do, however have t-shirts from Adika (um… whoever they are) and dishes from Naaman. We caught up with our friend Dassie to get her opinion on this business model.
“So, like instead of going to literally any Israeli mall to buy Naaman dishes, I can pay extra on Amazon and still have to wait for the Doar? Yeah….no.”
“These spoiled Americans, they expect too much.” laughed Yuval. “They want cheap prices, they want fast delivery, they want cheerful customer service reps. Who do they think we are? Next thing you know, they’ll be wanting their parcels delivered by flying robots. Hahahahaha.”
“If you don’t think I’m going to complain about this in my Aliyah Blog, you’re in for a big surprise.” warned Dassie. The Daily Freier admonished Dassie that as we approach Yom Kippur, it’s imperative not to spread malicious gossip. Yet she was adamant. “It’s not Lashon Hara if it’s true.”