Last Updated 9/8/2021 at 2:30 PM
Jerusalem: Geula is upon us! As the month of Elul continues, Israelis have miraculously united. Instead of the Internets being filled with Lashon Hara, Sinat Chinam and endless debates about vaccines, Israelis of all stripes have come together in the spirit of Ahavat Yisrael. That’s because they’re sharing Amazon links for free shipping on fluffy towels, kitchen gadgets, and jumbo sized boxes of those little Ziploc bags that you still can’t find in Israel.
“This free Amazon shipping is like the Beis haMikdash.” explained Jerusalem Yeshiva Bochur Uri L. “Am Yisroel got it, but we didn’t deserve it, so it got taken away. We cried and repented and mercifully we got it again, but our Averios caused us to lose it again.” Uri grabbed a handful of sunflower seeds and continued. “Now, it’s like the 3rd temple has been given to us.”
Desperate for answers, the Daily Freier asked Uri for his theory on exactly how we managed to merit such miracles like free shipping. “It’s because we Sephardim were getting up for slichos.” Uri’s roommate Yaakov chimed in. “No, it’s because of kabbalistic reasons.” Nachman, Uri’s other roommate argued “You see, Elul has a special mazal.” Hearing their discussion from the hallway, their classmate Shneorr Zalman interjected by quoting a Maamar from the Rebbe. Frustrated at his friends, Uri cried out “No, all of you guys are wrong! We got this bracha because Am Yisroel is totally unified!”
As the Daily Freier got up to leave, Uri asked us if we wanted to join him in a vitamin multi-level marketing balagan “after the Chagim.“