Tag: Bezalel Smotrich

Binyamin Netanyahu

Israel’s Satirists & Comedians demand Yair Netanyahu return to Twitter

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 5/14/2023 at 12:30 PM

Tel Aviv: Israel’s humor community is in a funk today, thanks to the continued exile of their biggest meal ticket: Yair Netanyahu. According to The Jerusalem Post, the Prime Minister’s son has been banished to America and barred from social media by his family. That’s right, The Netanyahus have shipped their Prolific Tweeter/Shitposter to the USA. You see, Mr. Yair has proven to be a bit of a distraction to our Prime Minister, who has been busy himself keeping together a coalition/bad sitcom featuring such wacky character actors as Bezalel Smotrich and Itamar Ben Gvir. So for political expediency, Yair’s been temporarily banished. Naturally, this is causing a huge crisis among Israel’s humorists. The Daily Freier reached out to members of the Community as they struggled with this loss to their livelihoods.

“My recent article about Yair and Prince Harry is in serious jeopardy.” whined The Mystery Man Who Writes the “Pre-Occupied Territory” Blog. “Things can’t go on like this. Bibi, please think of the satirists. I have a mortgage.”

“We need him on Twitter.” admonished distraught local comedian Benji Lovitt.  “And not just because Israel doesn’t have Truth Social. If he stays in America, I’m filing for unemployment insurance.”

The Daily Freier then walked around our own office in Dizengoff Center and asked Tel Aviv Culture reporter Aaron Pomerantz about his thoughts. “This is worse than the Corona Lockdown when we were trapped indoors and forced to satirize ourselves.” complained Mr. Pomerantz as he drank his coffee hafuch. “Between this and Secret Tel Aviv being way less weird these days, I may have to get a real job. But I won’t.“

As the Daily Freier went to press, Israel’s satirists breathed a sigh of relief on news that Sara is yelling at The Help again.

 

 

Israeli Politics, Start Up Nation

Tel Aviv Pub hires Smotrich to Write their English Menu
“The Elephant is in the Room!”

(photo credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By Yuval Weiss & Aaron Pomerantz

Last Updated 3/19/2023 at 6:30 PM

Tel Aviv, Dizengoff: Start-Up Nation has done it again! Basking in the amazing success of his Speech at the Israel Bonds Conference in Washington, Israeli Politician Bezalel Smotrich is now in high demand as a translator of Tel Aviv menus. But one lucky Pub on Dizengoff Boulevard drew first honors. You know the Pub. It’s the one with the really long benches outside and the hot but indifferent wait staff. Not that one. The other one.

You see, Israeli restaurants have to endure the VERY UNFAIR stereotype that their English menus were written with a combination of Google Translate, Indian Tech Support, and reruns of “Friends”. Anyhoo, The Daily Freier spoke to Alon, one of the Pub’s 12 owners about this new business model.

“This menu will be the best for tourists who want to sit on a beer, no?” enthused Alon. “Maybe they can order a plate of laziness.”

“Do you mean lasagna?” inquired The Daily Freier. But Alon looked at us like we were high.

Finally, The Daily Freier contacted Mr. Smotrich himself about this exciting new business opportunity.

“Thanks for you face in me. My land Grandmeizer would be so proud.” stated Mr. Smotrich. “There is a sorting way that these Menus must be wrote. The Elephant is in the Room!“

As the Daily Freier went to print, we learned that Prime Minister Netanyahu has hired former President George W. Bush as an English Language tutor for Smotrich.