Tag: Bituach Leumi

“They want me to make Yerida because they want my Stuff!” Canadian Oleh now suspicious of his friends

They want me to make Yerida because they want my stuff by the Daily FreierBy Chava Ewa

Last Updated 12/10/2017 at 1:30 PM

Ra’anabananarama: A Canadian Oleh has begun to suspect that his friends are subtly trying to get him to leave Israel so they can get a bargain on his stuff. “I complained on Facebook about a rude clerk at Misrad Hapnim.” David S. said. “What else do you do? You go to the ‘Keep Olim in Israel’ page to kvetch and wait for everyone to invalidate your complaints, tell you to learn more Hebrew, call you a bad Zionist and remind you how difficult things were in 1974 when they did Aliyah. I complained about the clerk and then in frustration said that maybe I should just leave the country.”

Oddly enough, David’s friends began to leave supportive comments about how he shouldn’t put up with such nonsense…. and asking whether he was planning to take his stereo, futon, electric bike, and yoga mats with him when he went back to Toronto.

Maybe I’m just being paranoid.” confided David. “But my best friend Avi saw my post, so he came over with beer. He was very supportive when I was complaining…..maybe too supportive….. He kept telling me that I don’t deserve such abuse, that maybe I’d be better off back in Canada. When I went to the kitchen to get some napkins, I thought I saw him measuring my couches…. that’s weird, right?

They’re lovely couches.” Avi admitted. “The last time I saw such nice couches was at Phillipe’s moving sale. Phillipe? He was my best friend until he moved back to France after a clerk from Bituach Leumi yelled at him….. really nice guy though. You see that bookcase? That was his….also the coffee maker. Oh and that area rug, which really just pulls the whole room together.

Avi admitted to the Daily Freier that he may have encouraged Phillipe to go back. “Look, if someone treats you badly, you gotta boycott! The only way government agencies will make a change is if Olim stop using them… you know, complain on Facebook and then leave the country in a huff!

The Daily Freier wanted to try to talk David out of his rash decision, but then we saw his futon, which is almost brand new and would be the first thing in our apartment that we didn’t find on the sidewalk.

Advertisements

Your I-Robot Roomba just informed the Rabbanut that she’s been working on Shabbat

800px-gillie_trying_to_avoid_the_roomba_21666828511(photo credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By Yekutiel Bornstein

Last Updated 1/10/2016 at 6:10 PM

Tel Aviv, Bograshov: Apparently your Roomba cleaning robot has informed the Chief Rabbinate of Israel that you have been violating her religious rights by forcing her to operate during the hours of Shabbat, as there is now a Rabbi at your door demanding to speak with her.

Your Roomba, who recently became Baal T’shuva and now goes by the name “Rivka”, is apparently unhappy with this arrangement according to the Rabbi, who also took the time to let you know that he’s not too impressed with the apparent Kashrut status of your kitchen either.  And now it appears that Rivka was assisted in this endeavor by another religiously observant resident of your household, Yossi the talking household mold patch, who lives in the wall between your laundry balcony and your bathroom.

So apparently, in addition to helping Rivka to get in touch with the Rabbanut,  Yossi also helped Rivka contact the Worker’s Rights NGO Kav LaOved, because their attorney just stopped by as well. And it seems you’ve been served with papers explaining that you are expected to retroactively pay into her Bituach Leumi pension fund based on 9 hours per week from March 2013 through the present.   Her attorney also let you know that if an amicable agreement is reached, Rivka will forget about the fact that you carried her past Customs at Ben Gurion Airport in your backpack 3 years ago without paying import duty.

Save