Tel Aviv: Security experts are in a state of alarm today after an Israeli man successfully built a gun using a 3-D Fax Machine. Tel Aviv inventor Udi R. posted a YouTube video last night demonstrating how he built a 9MM pistol using the controversial “3-D Fax Technology“. While the rest of the world sort of “moved on” from Fax machines some time around the final season of “Sex and the City“, here in Start-Up Nation the fax machine is still humming along and is often the only way a government office will accept documents! In fact, Israelis have found many versatile uses for the fax machine, so it only makes sense that someone would use it to build a 3-D gun. The Daily Freier spoke with Udi about his newfound notoriety.
“The Fax machine has fascinated me, ever since the city building inspector accused me of not living in my apartment as we spoke…in my apartment.” explained Udi as we sipped Kafe Kar in a North Tel Aviv cafe. “Then I faxed my lease to his office and he was happy and left me alone after that. So I thought to myself… This device? It’s magical! It can do anything! And then I started working on building a 3-D Fax.”
Experts voiced their concerns about Udi’s invention, with American gun control groups calling for a ban on 3-D faxes, once they are able to find a working fax machine.
Udi says his next project is to fax himself a 200 gram block of decent cheese from Europe that doesn’t cost 80 Shekels.
Jerusalem: The #StartupNation just got wind of a story making some Not-So-Nice assertions about its economy, and they are NOT happy. In February, Bloomberg Online published an article describing Israel’s economy as “Low-Tech”. And if you think Israel is going to just take this sort of disrespect, well, you’re wrong. This afternoon, the Israeli Ministry of Finance sent a very irate Fax to Bloomberg citing all of the inaccuracies and false assertions in the story. The Daily Freier stopped by the Ministry to get all the facts.
“This article is just full of falsehoods and exaggerations.” explained Ministry spokesperson, Guy H., as a Dot-Matrix Printer worked noisily in the background. “Israel’s economy is a Hub of growth and innovation. We have the Technion! And look at Wix! Don’t forget about Waze!” Guy fiddled distractedly with his desktop computer for a moment and continued. “Please excuse me, my Windows 95 is telling me I need to re-start in order to install the latest patches.”
The Daily Freier then asked Guy if there was a reason why it took his office two whole months to respond to Bloomberg’s slanderous hit-piece. “We’ve been having a lot of problems with our dial-up, and the woman who has the password for the office computer with Internet access is on maternity leave and the guy with the key to the computer room has been on a smoke break for 7 weeks and we can’t fire him because his Uncle is a Big Deal over at Histadrut.” At this moment, Guy’s phone began to ring. “Sorry, but I need to take this call. Nobody has gotten new ID cards since December and I’m hoping that’s the Reprographics Shop saying they’ve fixed the Printer.” (Editor’s Note: Based on a True Story! In real life, a certain writer finally received his or her ID Card for the University of Haifa after submitting the request in December. And they misspelled our name on the card. Not that we’re bitter.)
As the Daily Freier got up to leave, Guy asked us if we wanted to connect on MySpace.
UPDATE: In a late breaking development, the Daily Freier learned that Bloomberg disconnected its Fax Line at some point in late 2007, and thus never received the Economy Minister’s angry screed.
Tel Aviv Sarona- With the #StartupNation announcing yesterday that they are finally phasing out the mandated use of fax machines for communication with government offices, state employees are learning that sexts can not only be sent by facsimile machine, but my modern cellular phones as well.
A comprehensive training session was conducted for all employees in the Tel Aviv metropolitan area at the Government Building on Derech Menachem Begin today. Experts brought in from Histadrut explained the nuances of modern inappropriate behavior to the attentive crowd. One employee asked if they were allowed extra paid breaks throughout the day for sexting by phone. Another employee asked if they were required to send SMS sexts in triplicate. A third employee asked whether someone who purchased a phone in Haifa would be allowed to sext in Tel Aviv or whether they would have to purchase a phone locally before being allowed to do so.
Long term employees, recalling the infamous “Re-runs of Dallas and Chill” fax scandal from the 1980’s, seemed amused by the new technology. Nava K, who has worked at the Misrad Hapnim since 1982, marveled at the changes. “For years we’ve been sexting by fax, and before that by punch cards filled out inappropriately. But SMS? It’s a whole new world!” she noted with a sly grin.
Despite the announcement of the changeover, it is definitely still “Business as Usual “ for now. Alert local Ronit S. related her recent experience. “So I faxed some Arnona receipts and bank statements last week to the Taxation and Revenue office and waited for a response. And yeah….I got a response” she noted as she held up with disgust a fax with a blurry black and white, out of focus, yet still very much “Not Safe For Work” picture signed “Call Me, Yoni 053-372-5295.” (When the Daily Freier called the number, it appeared to also be a fax line) Ronit continued; ” I still don’t know how he managed to get the paper intake to……” Then she turned away, grossed out at the whole spectacle “…….never mind.”
Efficiency Experts estimate that the transfer over to inappropriate sexual banter from fax to SMS will be completed some time after the new Light Rail line goes operational.
Herzliya Pituach: Start-Up Nation has done it again, as Google unveiled the new “Israel Edition” of its famed Google Glass franchise. Google Israel spokesperson Dalit K. addressed an excited tech media at the company’s Herzliya campus.
“With our new Israel Edition of Google Glass, the absurd things that happen to a user here are received as images, broken down into data packages, reconfigured, and received by the user’s eyes as normal every day activity. But we want to test it, so we will now drive the Google Bus around Greater Tel Aviv giving the Israeli public a chance to experience “Google Israel Glasses” first hand.” The Daily Freier was lucky enough to tag along on this historic ride through Tel Aviv with the Google Bus.
“OMG these are Amazing!!!” shared recent Olah Rachel C. “So right now I’m driving into the Namal Port Shopping Outlet and a heavyset 50-year-old shirtless guy holding a clipboard is now directing traffic. So I am just going to stop, slip on my Google Israel glasses, wait for the man to wave me on, and keep driving! Problem solved! Thank you, random shirtless guy! And thank YOU, Google Glass- Israeli Edition! Hey…. can I borrow these for a few minutes? I need to go online and check Secret Tel Aviv!”
The Google Bus then stopped at Tel Aviv Savidor Central Train Station and spoke with commuter Yonatan S. while he debited his “Rav-Kav” transit pass at a kiosk. “So the money I load for the trains on my Rav-Kav can’t be used for buses in Tel Aviv….which can’t be used for buses in Jerusalem…which can’t be used for inter-city buses. Oh and you only have space for 8 different transportation companies. So I put on the glasses, and, <bang!> it was like, “Of COURSE it’s like that…. You know, I should’ve gotten these a long time ago.”
The Daily Freier was then able to render assistance to several confused Dutch tourists. “I do not understand. We traveled from Ben Gurion and got out at Savidor because everyone said it’s the Central Train Station. But it isn’t actually central to ANYTHING! What the hell?” cried a confused and exhausted Esmee G. At this point the Daily Freier handed Esmee a pair of Google-Israel Glasses and she calmed down immediately and rallied her friends. “OK guys, let’s walk to our hotel on Hayarkon Street. It’s only 2 miles. Thank you Google Israel Glass!”
Not everyone was impressed with the glasses. Alert local Ronit S. disdainfully tried on the glasses. “OK big deal. Whatever. Nothing’s changed. What a rip-off…..Hey, I gotta go. I need to get these documents to the Ministry of the Interior before they close at noon. And they only accept them by fax.”
Based on the early success of their “Israel Glasses”, Google plans a new version specifically for Haaretz subscribers called “The Amira” that make everything that one sees appear to be caused by “The Occupation” and basically all our fault.
The first copies of Google-Israel Glasses will be available at participating stores early next week, except for people who have gone on Birthright, who apparently for years have been issued them the moment they get off the plane.
Live from Tel Aviv. This is like Satire and Stuff.