Tag: fax machines

Israel faxes angry rebuttal to Bloomberg story about its “Low-Tech Economy”

By Mark Levy

Last Updated 4/13/2018 at 8:30 AM

Jerusalem: The #StartupNation just got wind of a story making some Not-So-Nice assertions about its economy, and they are NOT happy. In February, Bloomberg Online published an article describing Israel’s economy as “Low-Tech”. And if you think Israel is going to just take this sort of disrespect, well, you’re wrong. This afternoon, the Israeli Ministry of Finance sent a very irate Fax to Bloomberg citing all of the inaccuracies and false assertions in the story. The Daily Freier stopped by the Ministry to get all the facts.

This article is just full of falsehoods and exaggerations.” explained Ministry spokesperson, Guy H., as a Dot-Matrix Printer worked noisily in the background. “Israel’s economy is a Hub of growth and innovation. We have the Technion! And look at Wix! Don’t forget about Waze!” Guy fiddled distractedly with his desktop computer for a moment and continued. “Please excuse me, my Windows 95 is telling me I need to re-start in order to install the latest patches.

The Daily Freier then asked Guy if there was a reason why it took his office two whole months to respond to Bloomberg’s slanderous hit-piece. “We’ve been having a lot of problems with our dial-up, and the woman who has the password for the office computer with Internet access is on maternity leave and the guy with the key to the computer room has been on a smoke break for 7 weeks and we can’t fire him because his Uncle is a Big Deal over at Histadrut.” At this moment, Guy’s phone began to ring. “Sorry, but I need to take this call. Nobody has gotten new ID cards since December and I’m hoping that’s the Reprographics Shop saying they’ve fixed the Printer.” (Editor’s Note: Based on a True Story! In real life, a certain writer finally received his or her ID Card for the University of Haifa after submitting the request in December. And they misspelled our name on the card. Not that we’re bitter.)

As the Daily Freier got up to leave, Guy asked us if we wanted to connect on MySpace.

UPDATE: In a late breaking development, the Daily Freier learned that Bloomberg disconnected its Fax Line at some point in late 2007, and thus never received the Economy Minister’s angry screed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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As Israeli Government Finally Phases Out Fax Machines, State Employees Learn that Sexting Can Also Be Done From a Phone

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(Photo Credit: Nefesh B’Nefesh)

By The Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 1/18/2016 at 2:30 PM

Tel Aviv Sarona- With the #StartupNation announcing yesterday that they are finally phasing out the mandated use of fax machines for communication with government offices, state employees are learning that sexts can not only be sent by facsimile machine, but my modern cellular phones as well.

A comprehensive training session was conducted for all employees in the Tel Aviv metropolitan area at the Government Building on Derech Menachem Begin today. Experts brought in from Histadrut explained the nuances of modern inappropriate behavior to the attentive crowd. One employee asked if they were allowed extra paid breaks throughout the day for sexting by phone. Another employee asked if they were required to send SMS sexts in triplicate. A third employee asked whether someone who purchased a phone in Haifa would be allowed to sext in Tel Aviv or whether they would have to purchase a phone locally before being allowed to do so.

Long term employees, recalling the infamous “Re-runs of Dallas and Chill” fax scandal from the 1980’s, seemed amused by the new technology. Nava K, who has worked at the Misrad Hapnim since 1982, marveled at the changes. “For years we’ve been sexting by fax, and before that by punch cards filled out inappropriately. But SMS? It’s a whole new world!” she noted with a sly grin.

Despite the announcement of the changeover, it is definitely still “Business as Usual “ for now. Alert local Ronit S. related her recent experience. “So I faxed some Arnona receipts and bank statements last week to the Taxation and Revenue office and waited for a response. And yeah….I got a response” she noted as she held up with disgust a fax with a blurry black and white, out of focus, yet still very much “Not Safe For Work” picture signed “Call Me, Yoni 053-372-5295.” (When the Daily Freier called the number, it appeared to also be a fax line) Ronit continued; ” I still don’t know how he managed to get the paper intake to……” Then she turned away, grossed out at the whole spectacle “…….never mind.”

Efficiency Experts estimate that the transfer over to inappropriate sexual banter from fax to SMS will be completed some time after the new Light Rail line goes operational.

 

New Google Glass-Israel Edition Cause Everything You See Here To Make Sense

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(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By The Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 12/18/2015 at 1:30 PM

Herzliya Pituach: Start-Up Nation has done it again, as Google unveiled the new “Israel Edition” of its famed Google Glass franchise.  Google Israel spokesperson Dalit K. addressed an excited tech media at the company’s Herzliya campus.

With our new Israel Edition of Google Glass, the absurd things that happen to a user here are received as images, broken down into data packages, reconfigured, and received by the user’s eyes as normal every day activity. But we want to test it, so we will now drive the Google Bus around Greater Tel Aviv giving the Israeli public a chance to experience “Google Israel Glasses” first hand.”  The Daily Freier was lucky enough to tag along on this historic ride through Tel Aviv with the Google Bus.

“OMG these are Amazing!!!” shared recent Olah Rachel C.  “So right now I’m driving into the Namal Port Shopping Outlet and a heavyset 50-year-old shirtless guy holding a clipboard is now directing traffic. So I am just going to stop, slip on my Google Israel glasses, wait for the man to wave me on, and keep driving! Problem solved!  Thank you, random shirtless guy!  And thank YOU, Google Glass- Israeli Edition! Hey…. can I borrow these for a few minutes?  I need to go online and check Secret Tel Aviv!”

The Google Bus then stopped at Tel Aviv Savidor Central Train Station and spoke with commuter Yonatan S. while he debited his “Rav-Kav” transit pass at a kiosk. “So the money I load for the trains on my Rav-Kav can’t be used for buses in Tel Aviv….which can’t be used for buses in Jerusalem…which can’t be used for inter-city buses. Oh and you only have space for 8 different transportation companies. So I put on the glasses, and, <bang!> it was like, “Of COURSE it’s like that…. You know, I should’ve gotten these a long time ago.”

The Daily Freier was then able to render assistance to several confused Dutch tourists.  “I do not understand. We traveled from Ben Gurion and got out at Savidor because everyone said it’s the Central Train Station.  But it isn’t actually central to ANYTHING! What the hell?” cried a confused and exhausted Esmee G.   At this point the Daily Freier handed Esmee a pair of Google-Israel Glasses and she calmed down immediately and rallied her friends. “OK guys, let’s walk to our hotel on Hayarkon Street.  It’s only 2 miles.  Thank you Google Israel Glass!”

Not everyone was impressed with the glasses.  Alert local Ronit S. disdainfully tried on the glasses. “OK big deal. Whatever. Nothing’s changed.  What a rip-off…..Hey, I gotta go.  I need to get these documents to the Ministry of the Interior before they close at noon. And they only accept them by fax.

Based on the early success of their “Israel Glasses”, Google plans a new version specifically for Haaretz subscribers called “The Amira” that make everything that one sees  appear to be caused by “The Occupation” and basically all our fault.

The first copies of Google-Israel Glasses will be available at participating stores early next week, except for people who have gone on Birthright, who apparently for years have been issued them the moment they get off the plane.

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The Clerks at Your Post Office Don’t Really Think You’ve Done Enough to Earn Your Package Yet

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(Photo Credit: Jerusalem Post)

By The Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 10/8/2015 at 5:30 PM

Tel Aviv, Basel: The workers at your neighborhood post office are pretty much on the same page in the belief that you haven’t done enough yet to earn the package of books, peanut butter, and Toms of Maine toothpaste that your mom sent you from America last month.  The saga started last week when you received a notice in your mailbox that a package was waiting for you at the post office.  When you went there to pick it up, things got interesting…

You (chipper and optimistic): Hi! I’m here to pick up a package waiting for me!

Employee (Motti?): What makes you think you have a package here?

You: (Holding up your notice with hope): Well I have this slip of paper, and I….

Motti: Oh, that could mean anything.

So Motti checked in the back and couldn’t find anything.  But he told you to send a fax to the customs office at the airport. “Wait“, you’re saying. “A FAX?  People still use faxes? Why? to send a message to 1992?”

Motti (deadpan): Welcome to Israel.

So you faxed the airport, and interestingly enough, got a fax back.  No package at the airport.  So you take your new fax back to the post office.  Motti looks at the fax.  Looks at you.  Looks back at the fax, then walks into the back room.  You’re not sure what he’s doing but he starts talking to the woman who usually works at the front counter.  Your Hebrew sucks, but you’re picking up parts of it. One thing you picked up: This is NOT your day. So now the lady from the front desk (Rivka?) comes to talk to you.

Rivka (suspicious): So you’re Sharon Levy?

You: Yes

Rivka: But they sent the package to Sharon Levy. She lives in Rishon LeTziyon.

So now there is a nice lady in Rishon LeTziyon making peanut butter sandwiches and brushing her teeth in an environmentally conscious way.

You: But it’s MY package!

Rivka You both have the same name.  You two should really work this out.

And you have to admit, she’s making some very good points.

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