Tag: fax machines

Israeli Politics, Start Up Nation

Israel in Crisis: Protesters Destroy Knesset’s Fax Machines

(photo credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 3/27/2023 at 8:30 PM

Jerusalem: The nation plunged further into crisis today as the Knesset’s precious Fax Machine room was vandalized, forcing the seat of government to close until further notice. Thousands of Israelis gathered outside the Knesset to protest the ruling Coalition’s proposed changes to the Judicial system, and some breached police barricades. As Security Guards worked frantically to expel the intruders, several protesters entered the Fax Room and wreaked havoc on this vital communications hub for Startup Nation. You see, the Fax Machine remains a vital workhorse in Israel. The Daily Freier sent documents to the Tax Authority via Fax in 2019 because our accountant warned us that “They don’t actually read their emails.” So Yeah, this was a big deal. The Daily Freier rushed to the scene to make sense of this Tragedy.

“We’ve lost everything.” lamented a Knesset Information Technician named Boaz. “We rely on these faxes for everything.” Boaz continued as he surveyed a room full of broken ink cartridges and spools of unfurled fax paper. “This is how Mr. Netanyahu finds out what kind of mood Sara is in before his Security Team escorts him home. This is how Mr. Deri’s Parole Officer would arrange their next appointment.  This is how Ms. Zandberg used to order her …uhhh…cookie ingredients.“

The Daily Freier asked Boaz if there was any workaround to prevent a paralysis of government at this crucial moment in Israeli history. Boaz leaned in closely and lowered his voice. “This hasn’t been released to the public.” Boaz intoned solemnly. “But right now we are sending out vital messages via Moshe Gafni’s Kosher phone, Noa Kirel’s Instagram, and Yair Netanyahu’s Twitter feed.“

As the Daily Freier got up to leave, Boaz was desperately trying to hook up a computer to a monitor and stopped to ask us if we had a Boot Disc for Windows 95.

 

Mossad, Start Up Nation

Israel deploys experts from El Al to cripple Damascus Airport

(Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 7/2/2022 at 13:30

Damascus: In a scene right out of spy Thrillers like “Fauda” or “Tehran“, Israel has infiltrated Damascus International Airport, crippling Iranian weapons shipments. Yet this feat was accomplished not by the vaunted Israeli Air Force, nor was it accomplished by the secretive Mossad. Rather, Damascus Airport was taken down by an elite team from El Al Airlines. You see, when it comes to really screwing up air travel, nobody comes close to the expertise of El Al. There is even a Facebook group to complain about them (Spoiler Alert: They don’t care). In order to get the whole story, The Daily Freier spoke with stranded travelers and employees at Damascus Airport via Zoom and pestered some real journalists who were actually on the scene.

“Somebody just took down our website.” complained Ahmed from the Airport’s IT office. “How do you take down a website that runs on Windows 95? Who still has access to that technology? Our country has been in a civil war for 11 years. What’s your excuse?”

“I’ve been on hold for 7 hours.” noted a frustrated woman named Fatima as she watched her 3 children while trying to reach a customer service representative. “If this sorcery is the work of the Jews, then they are even more clever than we previously believed.“

While we spoke to Fatima, another traveler joined in and noted his experience. “I finally got through on the telephone to a human.” explained Saleh. “Unfortunately, he told me that the only person who can help me is on Maternity Leave. When I told him that my luggage has been lost for 3 days, he called me a Liar.“

The International Community was quick to condemn Israel’s actions at Damascus Airport. A spokesperson for Russia’s foreign ministry declared that “The provocative Israeli attack against essential civilian infrastructure is an absolutely unacceptable violation of international norms”. (REAL WORLD NON-SATIRE ALERT: Russia really really said this.)

A Syrian official speaking on condition of anonymity stated that El Al’s attacks would have actually been much worse, but Damascus Airport stopped using Fax Machines in 2007.

Mossad, Start Up Nation

This Week on “Tehran”: Iran hacks into the Mossad Fax Machine!

By Mark Levy

Last Updated 11/5/2020 at 2:30 PM

Tel Aviv: Israeli viewers are losing their minds over Channel 11’s amazing new Series “Tehran”, the story of a Mossad agent named Tamar who goes deep undercover in Iran and the Iranian Secret Police’s attempts to find her. In fact, Apple TV just bought the rights to distribute it worldwide! Start Up Nation in the House! Here at the Daily Freier we have been watching this show on the edge of our seats, so we were really excited about this week’s episode where the Iranians hack into the Mossad’s Fax machine in order to locate Tamar. The Daily Freier spent the morning wandering around Dizengoff Square discussing the episode with random people. (Spoiler Alert!)

“The series is just so realistic!” raved Adi, a yoga instructor. “When the Iranian Double Agent pretends to be Israeli but then he says ‘Sorry’ and blows his cover? Incredible.”

The Daily Freier then spoke to Alon, who was walking 12 dogs when we met up with him. “My favorite scene was where the Iranian hackers inside Mossad Headquarters lose Internet access at the very last minute because of Hot Mobile’s poor Customer Service. It just made me feel incredibly proud to be Israeli.“

“I really liked the scene where the Iranians are about to intercept an important fax.” explained Alert Local Ronit S. “But the machine runs out of paper because the office manager was on maternity leave and left the key to the supply cabinet at home!“

Tune in next week when the Iranians hack into Yair Netanyahu’s Twitter account and decide not to change a thing!

#IsraelToTheMoon, Start Up Nation

Top Ten Surprises from Israel’s Moon Base

  1. Non-stop Matkot Games really ruined the vibe at Sea of Tranquility.
  2. Monthly resupply shuttle delayed again by Waze.
  3. Sarah Tuttle-Singer’s heartwarming blog posts about the juice guy at the Space Shuk.
  4. Mechitza running down the middle of the Geodesic Dome is really inconvenient.
  5. Astronaut burns out satellite-relay after calling her mom in Hadera 6 times in one day.
  6. Code Red Emergency after Fax Machine runs out of paper.
  7. Patrol still missing 2 days after leaving perimeter “to find the moon’s best hummus place”.
  8. Can somebody do something about these annoying electric lunar scooters?
  9. Tamar Zandberg sure is spending a lot of time in the greenhouse module.
  10. Nobody knows when Shabbat ends.
Start Up Nation, The Middle East (but not us)

“Better than a Saudi Consulate!” Misrad HaPnim unveils new slogan

By Mark Levy and Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 10/19/2018 at 6:00 PM

Tel Aviv, Derech Menachem Begin: Today the Start-Up Nation’s Ministry of the Interior revealed its new slogan: “Better than a Saudi Consulate!“, reminding its customers that despite long lines, unannounced closures, and indifferent service…… your chances of getting taken out by a Saudi hit squad are extremely low. The Daily Freier attended a press conference at their Tel Aviv office after receiving a press invite via fax.

“We are very proud of our customer service standards.” explained Ministry of the Interior spokesperson Nava K. “After negotiations between our Union and the Government broke down last week, we staged an unannounced work slowdown…. But Hey! All of our customers survived! Only in Israel!”

The Daily Freier asked Nava if, much like Israeli carrier El Al, the Ministry was perhaps suffering from low expectations. But she was insistent. “If Mr. Khashoggi had come to our office instead of the Istanbul Consulate, he would still be alive! Of course, he might not have  gotten service yet because our computer skipped the number he had taken from the kiosk…. but one should not be too picky. Welcome to Israel!”

As the Press Conference came to an end, Nava announced that the Interior Ministry has begun an Efficiency Campaign for speedier customer service….. led by experts from Israel’s High Speed Rail network.

 

 

Start Up Nation

Experts alarmed after Israeli builds gun using 3-D Faxing Technology

By Mark Levy

Last Updated 8/9/2018 at 6:15 PM

Tel Aviv: Security experts are in a state of alarm today after an Israeli man successfully built a gun using a 3-D Fax Machine. Tel Aviv inventor Udi R. posted a YouTube video last night demonstrating how he built a 9MM pistol using the controversial “3-D Fax Technology“. While the rest of the world sort of “moved on” from Fax machines some time around the final season of “Sex and the City“, here in Start-Up Nation the fax machine is still humming along and is often the only way a government office will accept documents!  In fact, Israelis have found many versatile uses for the fax machine, so it only makes sense that someone would use it to build a 3-D gun. The Daily Freier spoke with Udi about his newfound notoriety.

“The Fax machine has fascinated me, ever since the city building inspector accused me of not living in my apartment as we spoke…in my apartment.” explained Udi as we sipped Kafe Kar in a North Tel Aviv cafe. “Then I faxed my lease to his office and he was happy and left me alone after that. So I thought to myself… This device? It’s magical! It can do anything! And then I started working on building a 3-D Fax.”

Experts voiced their concerns about Udi’s invention, with American gun control groups calling for a ban on 3-D faxes, once they are able to find a working fax machine.

Udi says his next project is to fax himself a 200 gram block of decent cheese from Europe that doesn’t cost 80 Shekels.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Start Up Nation

Israel faxes angry rebuttal to Bloomberg story about its “Low-Tech Economy”

By Mark Levy

Last Updated 4/13/2018 at 8:30 AM

Jerusalem: The #StartupNation just got wind of a story making some Not-So-Nice assertions about its economy, and they are NOT happy. In February, Bloomberg Online published an article describing Israel’s economy as “Low-Tech”. And if you think Israel is going to just take this sort of disrespect, well, you’re wrong. This afternoon, the Israeli Ministry of Finance sent a very irate Fax to Bloomberg citing all of the inaccuracies and false assertions in the story. The Daily Freier stopped by the Ministry to get all the facts.

“This article is just full of falsehoods and exaggerations.” explained Ministry spokesperson, Guy H., as a Dot-Matrix Printer worked noisily in the background. “Israel’s economy is a Hub of growth and innovation. We have the Technion! And look at Wix! Don’t forget about Waze!” Guy fiddled distractedly with his desktop computer for a moment and continued. “Please excuse me, my Windows 95 is telling me I need to re-start in order to install the latest patches.”

The Daily Freier then asked Guy if there was a reason why it took his office two whole months to respond to Bloomberg’s slanderous hit-piece. “We’ve been having a lot of problems with our dial-up, and the woman who has the password for the office computer with Internet access is on maternity leave and the guy with the key to the computer room has been on a smoke break for 7 weeks and we can’t fire him because his Uncle is a Big Deal over at Histadrut.” At this moment, Guy’s phone began to ring. “Sorry, but I need to take this call. Nobody has gotten new ID cards since December and I’m hoping that’s the Reprographics Shop saying they’ve fixed the Printer.” (Editor’s Note: Based on a True Story! In real life, a certain writer finally received his or her ID Card for the University of Haifa after submitting the request in December. And they misspelled our name on the card. Not that we’re bitter.)

As the Daily Freier got up to leave, Guy asked us if we wanted to connect on MySpace.

UPDATE: In a late breaking development, the Daily Freier learned that Bloomberg disconnected its Fax Line at some point in late 2007, and thus never received the Economy Minister’s angry screed.

Start Up Nation

As Israeli Government Finally Phases Out Fax Machines, State Employees Learn that Sexting Can Also Be Done From a Phone

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(Photo Credit: Nefesh B’Nefesh)

By The Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 1/18/2016 at 2:30 PM

Tel Aviv Sarona- With the #StartupNation announcing yesterday that they are finally phasing out the mandated use of fax machines for communication with government offices, state employees are learning that sexts can not only be sent by facsimile machine, but my modern cellular phones as well.

A comprehensive training session was conducted for all employees in the Tel Aviv metropolitan area at the Government Building on Derech Menachem Begin today. Experts brought in from Histadrut explained the nuances of modern inappropriate behavior to the attentive crowd. One employee asked if they were allowed extra paid breaks throughout the day for sexting by phone. Another employee asked if they were required to send SMS sexts in triplicate. A third employee asked whether someone who purchased a phone in Haifa would be allowed to sext in Tel Aviv or whether they would have to purchase a phone locally before being allowed to do so.

Long term employees, recalling the infamous “Re-runs of Dallas and Chill” fax scandal from the 1980’s, seemed amused by the new technology. Nava K, who has worked at the Misrad Hapnim since 1982, marveled at the changes. “For years we’ve been sexting by fax, and before that by punch cards filled out inappropriately. But SMS? It’s a whole new world!” she noted with a sly grin.

Despite the announcement of the changeover, it is definitely still “Business as Usual “ for now. Alert local Ronit S. related her recent experience. “So I faxed some Arnona receipts and bank statements last week to the Taxation and Revenue office and waited for a response. And yeah….I got a response” she noted as she held up with disgust a fax with a blurry black and white, out of focus, yet still very much “Not Safe For Work” picture signed “Call Me, Yoni 053-372-5295.” (When the Daily Freier called the number, it appeared to also be a fax line) Ronit continued; ” I still don’t know how he managed to get the paper intake to……” Then she turned away, grossed out at the whole spectacle “…….never mind.”

Efficiency Experts estimate that the transfer over to inappropriate sexual banter from fax to SMS will be completed some time after the new Light Rail line goes operational.

 

Start Up Nation

New Google Glass-Israel Edition Cause Everything You See Here To Make Sense

800px-google_glass_user_at_the_wikimania_2014_opening(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By Mark Levy

Last Updated 12/18/2015 at 1:30 PM

Herzliya Pituach: Start-Up Nation has done it again, as Google unveiled the new “Israel Edition” of its famed Google Glass franchise.  Google Israel spokesperson Dalit K. addressed an excited tech media at the company’s Herzliya campus.

“With our new Israel Edition of Google Glass, the absurd things that happen to a user here are received as images, broken down into data packages, reconfigured, and received by the user’s eyes as normal every day activity. But we want to test it, so we will now drive the Google Bus around Greater Tel Aviv giving the Israeli public a chance to experience “Google Israel Glasses” first hand.”  The Daily Freier was lucky enough to tag along on this historic ride through Tel Aviv with the Google Bus.

“OMG these are Amazing!!!” shared recent Olah Rachel C.  “So right now I’m driving into the Namal Port Shopping Outlet and a heavyset 50-year-old shirtless guy holding a clipboard is now directing traffic. So I am just going to stop, slip on my Google Israel glasses, wait for the man to wave me on, and keep driving! Problem solved!  Thank you, random shirtless guy!  And thank YOU, Google Glass- Israeli Edition! Hey…. can I borrow these for a few minutes?  I need to go online and check Secret Tel Aviv!”

The Google Bus then stopped at Tel Aviv Savidor Central Train Station and spoke with commuter Yonatan S. while he debited his “Rav-Kav” transit pass at a kiosk. “So the money I load for the trains on my Rav-Kav can’t be used for buses in Tel Aviv….which can’t be used for buses in Jerusalem…which can’t be used for inter-city buses. Oh and you only have space for 8 different transportation companies. So I put on the glasses, and, <bang!> it was like, “Of COURSE it’s like that…. You know, I should’ve gotten these a long time ago.”

The Daily Freier was then able to render assistance to several confused Dutch tourists.  “I do not understand. We traveled from Ben Gurion and got out at Savidor because everyone said it’s the Central Train Station.  But it isn’t actually central to ANYTHING! What the hell?” cried a confused and exhausted Esmee G.   At this point the Daily Freier handed Esmee a pair of Google-Israel Glasses and she calmed down immediately and rallied her friends. “OK guys, let’s walk to our hotel on Hayarkon Street.  It’s only 2 miles.  Thank you Google Israel Glass!”

Not everyone was impressed with the glasses.  Alert local Ronit S. disdainfully tried on the glasses. “OK big deal. Whatever. Nothing’s changed.  What a rip-off…..Hey, I gotta go.  I need to get these documents to the Ministry of the Interior before they close at noon. And they only accept them by fax.”

Based on the early success of their “Israel Glasses”, Google plans a new version specifically for Haaretz subscribers called “The Amira” that make everything that one sees  appear to be caused by “The Occupation” and basically all our fault.

The first copies of Google-Israel Glasses will be available at participating stores early next week, except for people who have gone on Birthright, who apparently for years have been issued them the moment they get off the plane.

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Start Up Nation

The Clerks at Your Post Office Don’t Really Think You’ve Done Enough to Earn Your Package Yet

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(Photo Credit: Jerusalem Post)

By The Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 10/8/2015 at 5:30 PM

Tel Aviv, Basel: The workers at your neighborhood post office are pretty much on the same page in the belief that you haven’t done enough yet to earn the package of books, peanut butter, and Toms of Maine toothpaste that your mom sent you from America last month.  The saga started last week when you received a notice in your mailbox that a package was waiting for you at the post office.  When you went there to pick it up, things got interesting…

You (chipper and optimistic): Hi! I’m here to pick up a package waiting for me!

Employee (Motti?): What makes you think you have a package here?

You: (Holding up your notice with hope): Well I have this slip of paper, and I….

Motti: Oh, that could mean anything.

So Motti checked in the back and couldn’t find anything.  But he told you to send a fax to the customs office at the airport. “Wait“, you’re saying. “A FAX?  People still use faxes? Why? to send a message to 1992?”

Motti (deadpan): Welcome to Israel.

So you faxed the airport, and interestingly enough, got a fax back.  No package at the airport.  So you take your new fax back to the post office.  Motti looks at the fax.  Looks at you.  Looks back at the fax, then walks into the back room.  You’re not sure what he’s doing but he starts talking to the woman who usually works at the front counter.  Your Hebrew sucks, but you’re picking up parts of it. One thing you picked up: This is NOT your day. So now the lady from the front desk (Rivka?) comes to talk to you.

Rivka (suspicious): So you’re Sharon Levy?

You: Yes

Rivka: But they sent the package to Sharon Levy. She lives in Rishon LeTziyon.

So now there is a nice lady in Rishon LeTziyon making peanut butter sandwiches and brushing her teeth in an environmentally conscious way.

You: But it’s MY package!

Rivka You both have the same name.  You two should really work this out.

And you have to admit, she’s making some very good points.

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