Tag: Google

Google launches new App: “Israeli Standard Time”

Google launches Hot New App: “Israeli Timing” Daily Freier
(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By Mia Deych

Last Updated 6/15/2016 at 3:00 PM

Herzliya Pituah: You are coming to a party half an hour late, because you don’t want to pay the cover charge/wait in line/because on Facebook it says that the party starts at 9….. and the door is simply locked and a brutal looking security guy is trying to explain that you arrived too early. Like “half an hour late early“???

Ok, lesson learned! But the next week you are invited to a house party, you show up an hour (fashionably!) late, and the host is on his way to the shower wrapped in a towel and looks at you as you as if you had just fallen down from the moon. Sound familiar? Google Israel decided to solve this Olim problem and launch a new application “Israeli Standard Time“.

The app will get access to your calendar, Facebook, and WhatsApp in order to adjust your perceptions of time and space to the “more flexible” Israeli reality-based local timing based on the Middle Eastern traditions of punctuality. Now you don’t need to worry if you should come to an event two or three hours late to be on time – the application tracks Facebook “check-ins” and selfies posted to Instagram to let you know when the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire and it’s about time to show up.

Having trouble setting up meetings with Israelis? Let Israeli Standard Time do the job for you. The app automatically changes ETA based on the historical tardiness of your phone contacts. Next time, when you are supposed to meet at 7 pm, and you are getting a message at 6.58 PM that “I’m running 5 minutes late”, you don’t need to figure out if you should leave your apartment or if you can read a few more posts on Secret Tel Aviv. Israeli Timing automatically adjusts the message to read “I’m running 30 minutes late”. Winning!

The Application can be linked into Moovit, Waze and GetTaxi to make sure you are always “on time” in the amazing Startup Nation.

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Mossad: We Sabotaged Iran’s Missile Guidance Systems by Giving them Waze

Waze is Awesome!

By Mark Levy

Last Updated 3/6/2016 at 3:50 PM

Herzliya Pituach- World leaders woke up this morning to the shocking revelation that Israel’s famed Secret Service had crippled Iran’s guided missile program by  giving the Iranians the popular and sometimes also accurate navigation App “Waze”.  Waze, an Israeli start-up success story that in 2013 was sold to Google for $1 Billion, was secretly uploaded into the Iranian missile guidance database through an unknown Third Party working in coordination with the Mossad.  The Daily Freier was able to speak to a shadowy guy named “Tzvi” outside Google’s Herzliya campus.

This was a difficult assignment. We wanted a program that would spoof the Iranian missile software into calculating the supposedly shortest route, but in reality it sends the projectile on a boondoggle.  So I talked to a friend, who talked to a friend, who copied Waze onto their server.  Now the navigation system directs the missiles aimed at Tel Aviv to first swing by a Tim Horton’s Doughnut Shop just north of Saskatoon.

Iran reacted in undisguised panic this morning at the revelation.  A Revolutionary Guard Corps Spokesperson, speaking on condition of anonymity, described the chaos. “This is worse than Stuxnet.  We’ve lost at least six months.  To add insult to injury, we just found out that our Al Quds Force homepage works off of Wix.”

For its part, Waze strongly denied any part in the current crisis. “I must stress that Waze is a useful community-based application that seeks to improve the common good regardless of politics.” explained Waze spokesperson Arielle C. “I got to get back to work. Please excuse me while I direct an IDF patrol to take a shortcut through Nablus.

 

 

 

 

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New Google Glass-Israel Edition Cause Everything You See Here To Make Sense

800px-google_glass_user_at_the_wikimania_2014_opening(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By Mark Levy

Last Updated 12/18/2015 at 1:30 PM

Herzliya Pituach: Start-Up Nation has done it again, as Google unveiled the new “Israel Edition” of its famed Google Glass franchise.  Google Israel spokesperson Dalit K. addressed an excited tech media at the company’s Herzliya campus.

With our new Israel Edition of Google Glass, the absurd things that happen to a user here are received as images, broken down into data packages, reconfigured, and received by the user’s eyes as normal every day activity. But we want to test it, so we will now drive the Google Bus around Greater Tel Aviv giving the Israeli public a chance to experience “Google Israel Glasses” first hand.”  The Daily Freier was lucky enough to tag along on this historic ride through Tel Aviv with the Google Bus.

“OMG these are Amazing!!!” shared recent Olah Rachel C.  “So right now I’m driving into the Namal Port Shopping Outlet and a heavyset 50-year-old shirtless guy holding a clipboard is now directing traffic. So I am just going to stop, slip on my Google Israel glasses, wait for the man to wave me on, and keep driving! Problem solved!  Thank you, random shirtless guy!  And thank YOU, Google Glass- Israeli Edition! Hey…. can I borrow these for a few minutes?  I need to go online and check Secret Tel Aviv!”

The Google Bus then stopped at Tel Aviv Savidor Central Train Station and spoke with commuter Yonatan S. while he debited his “Rav-Kav” transit pass at a kiosk. “So the money I load for the trains on my Rav-Kav can’t be used for buses in Tel Aviv….which can’t be used for buses in Jerusalem…which can’t be used for inter-city buses. Oh and you only have space for 8 different transportation companies. So I put on the glasses, and, <bang!> it was like, “Of COURSE it’s like that…. You know, I should’ve gotten these a long time ago.”

The Daily Freier was then able to render assistance to several confused Dutch tourists.  “I do not understand. We traveled from Ben Gurion and got out at Savidor because everyone said it’s the Central Train Station.  But it isn’t actually central to ANYTHING! What the hell?” cried a confused and exhausted Esmee G.   At this point the Daily Freier handed Esmee a pair of Google-Israel Glasses and she calmed down immediately and rallied her friends. “OK guys, let’s walk to our hotel on Hayarkon Street.  It’s only 2 miles.  Thank you Google Israel Glass!”

Not everyone was impressed with the glasses.  Alert local Ronit S. disdainfully tried on the glasses. “OK big deal. Whatever. Nothing’s changed.  What a rip-off…..Hey, I gotta go.  I need to get these documents to the Ministry of the Interior before they close at noon. And they only accept them by fax.

Based on the early success of their “Israel Glasses”, Google plans a new version specifically for Haaretz subscribers called “The Amira” that make everything that one sees  appear to be caused by “The Occupation” and basically all our fault.

The first copies of Google-Israel Glasses will be available at participating stores early next week, except for people who have gone on Birthright, who apparently for years have been issued them the moment they get off the plane.

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