Tag: Labour

Jeremy Corbyn, Labour Party, The Jooz December 14, 2019December 14, 2019

Three guesses who is to blame, and the first two don’t count. By Jeremy Corbyn

Yesterday the Progressive Community was hit by a Disaster, a Naqba if you will. Labour lost huge swathes of Districts across the Nation. You see, Labour’s loss affected me deeply. I truly felt pain. A stabbing pain. In the back to be precise. But today we must take stock of our losses and identify just how this happened to us. Or more appropriately, who did this to us. Walking in the Heath yesterday, I had some time to reflect, and had an epiphany. I believe that I know the root cause of our loss. I will give you three guesses who is to blame for our calamity, but the first two don’t count.

Perhaps there is a group of people out there. A bit different. Unfamiliar with British irony. Perhaps they live clustered along a certain rail line in London. Just for the sake of argument, let’s say the Northern Line. I had a chance to discuss this with Ken Livingstone last night at Momentum’s weekly potluck and he seemed to be two steps ahead of me. He truly has a talent for seeing hidden truths. I believe the younger people would call this “being Woke”. But anyway, we agreed there was a group of people out there. People with a knack for finances. People who also live in a certain country along the Western Mediterranean Coast. But not Lebanon or Syria.

Our friends in Hamas and Hezbollah have perhaps an even keener insight into this group of people. In fact I was simply delighted to learn that Hamas even included folktales about these people in their Charter. I simply did not know how ecologically-minded Hamas was until I heard their folklore about the group of people whom we are currently discussing and how even the rocks and the trees of Palestine knew what we in Britain are just learning now. Fascinating. Simply fascinating.

Have you guessed yet?

Election 2018, Jeremy Corbyn, The Jooz February 20, 2019March 30, 2019

Exciting times for The Democratic Party! By Jeremy Corbyn

I just wanted to take a moment from my day to reflect on some simply amazing developments across the Atlantic. For too long, the Democratic Party pushed all of the same sad old Center-Left/Clinton-Blair themes. But today there are some exciting new faces shaking things up! It is in this vein that I have looked on with much fondness and anticipation at the exciting young voices in the Party, especially Rashida Tlaib and Ilhan Omar. Now Ms. Tlaib has created a very robust coalition, consisting of the Many not The ~~Jew~~ Few, and her friends have some very innovative solutions to the crisis in Palestine. Indeed, some of their Solutions seem rather Final. If this was not exciting enough for one day, finding out that Ms. Tlaib used to write for Louis Farrakhan’s newspaper was quite simply delicious. Minister Farrakhan and I share so much, particularly in our views concerning “The People of the Book”.

Yet in much the same case as with today’s Labour Party, there are unseen powers working against Rashida, Ilhan, and our other friends in the Democratic Party. Who are these Unseen Powers? We really don’t know for sure, but we have a pretty good idea who (((They))) are. Speaking of which, Ilhan quickly determined the source of Power wielded by a certain group of Rootless Cosmopolitans who claim to come from the Levant. As the Young People would say, it is in fact “All About the Benjamins“. (Isn’t the Vernacular of the Street simply delightful in its ability to turn a phrase? Fascinating, really.) Finally, we had a voice pointing out what so many of us on the Progressive Left have known for so long: that Israel has been hypnotizing the World. Furthermore, watching Ms. Omar’s vociferous cross-examination of ~~that Zio~~ former Reagan and Bush Administration appointee Elliot Abrams was quite simply a breath of fresh air. And while she did not know his actual name, and would not let him respond to her questions, her fighting spirit reminded me of the best of George Galloway (who may be back in Labour sooner than you think. You heard it here first!). This was almost as refreshing as my Comrade McDonnell informing us this week that Winston Churchill was a villain!

Yet as much as I admire Ms. Tlaib and Ms. Omar, I would be remiss to ignore the great achievements of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez! Her astute views on the merits of a Socialist Command Economy are a clear indicator of her bright future in politics. We even Tweet to one another sometimes! So while Ms. Ocasio-Cortez may not yet be as far along as Ms. Tlaib and Ms. Omar when it comes to the Jewish Question, all of us in Labour have confidence that she will soon see this issue as we see it.

So while I am not one to blow my own horn, to the extent that any of their new direction was inspired by today’s Labour Party, well I am right chuffed. In fact, I look forward to inviting Ms. Tlaib and Ms. Omar for Tea at the House of Commons some time this Spring!

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Jeremy Corbyn, Mossad September 20, 2018September 20, 2018

Jeremy Corbyn reviews the new Eichmann Movie

(photo credit: Wikipedia)

Today we look at the newly released film “Operation Finale“, the sad tale of a rogue nation taking so-called justice into its own hands. This movie recounts the story of Israel’s illegal and extra-judicial kidnapping of Adolph Eichmann from Argentina, a lovely country that is also home to the Malvina Islands. Apparently, Mr. Eichmann had some sort of role in the Holocaust. Now let me say clearly that the Holocaust was a tragedy (although truth be told some of my friends in Hamas whom I have hosted for tea would agree to disagree. Also, they would have put quote marks around the word “Holocaust.”) Yet Israel’s all-too-familiar use of force was to compound a tragedy with a tragedy, much like America’s illegal execution of one Mr. Bin Laden (Real World Non-Satire Alert: He Really Really said this about the death of Bin-Laden). Truly, if Mr. Eichmann were in fact guilty of a crime, why not simply notify the nearest Argentinian constabulary?

The movie depicts the commendable efforts Mr. Eichmann had made to open himself up to other cultures, to include learning the local language, and adopting the lovely Spanish name of “Ricardo Klement.” And in a singular act of proletarian solidarity, he took the bus to work every day. Yet Mr. Eichmann’s earnest attempts at multiculturalism failed to impress the Mossad, which took upon itself the task of kidnapping him and trundling him off to “Israel” for trial. And if being kidnapped by the Mossad wasn’t unpleasant enough already, Eichmann then had to fly on EL AL..

Israel then tried and executed Eichmann, another sad tally on its list of victims. Just to add insult to injury, Israel then spread his ashes in the sea, precluding any future graveside memorials, like the wreath that I specifically did NOT lay at the grave of Black September activists.

Now you may scoff at my review. You may even accuse me of willful ignorance. Yet remember this: it’s still not as dumb as what Hannah Arendt wrote about the Eichmann trial.

BDS, Jeremy Corbyn, Labour Party, The Jooz March 13, 2018March 13, 2018

Labour MP angry she wasn’t invited into Corbyn’s secret anti-Jewish Facebook group

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 3/13/2018 at 6:00 PM

Camden, London: Today a very irate Labour Activist is demanding to know why she wasn’t invited to join Jeremy Corbyn’s secret Anti-Semitic Facebook Group “Palestine Live”. An investigation by David Collier uncovered that the Secret Facebook Group “trafficked in anti-Semitic conspiracy theories, posted articles by Neo-Nazis, denied Israel’s right to exist, and called pro-Israel Jews “Zio-Nazis.” The group included Holocaust Denier Paul Eisen, as well as “the Jew who was too Anti-Semitic for the BDS Movement” Gilad Atzmon. And in a revelation that shocked people who still believe in the Tooth Fairy, the head of Breaking the Silence was also a member of the group…..Well rest assured, Labour Member of Parliament Danielle Lynne-Stephens is quite upset and wants to know why she never received an invite. The Daily Freier stopped by Momentum Headquarters in London to meet up with MP Lynne-Stephens and have a little chat.

“I really didn’t want to ‘Go There’, but I can’t help but think there is a bit of sexism in the BDS Community. Honestly, sometimes it feels like the Anti-Israel Left has a Glass Ceiling. I mean, how else to explain why I wasn’t asked to join Palestine Live? I’ve paid my dues. The mob that attacked the Israeli Club at King’s College? I was there……I own 12 keffiyehs….. The Women’s Boat to Gaza? I was First Mate. I mean, until we got lost.….”

Danielle went on to explain just how unfair her exclusion from the group was. “How many times do I need to talk about the Rothschilds before I get an invite? And the sad part is, I could have really helped them with the quality of their memes……Like, they passed around pictures of hook-nosed Jews with demonic eyes? Big Deal. For a month my profile picture was a giant octopus with a big nose and a Star of David!”“I’m sorry, but my obsessive hatred of Israel takes a back seat to nobody in that group. Posting articles by David Duke? Hellooooo? David Duke once posted an article written by me!….Saying that 9/11 was an Israeli False-Flag operation? Please. I’ve been saying it since the days of dial-up Internet.”

“It just isn’t fair.” Danielle continued. “How many times do I have to use the word “Zio” before I start getting the respect I deserve? And don’t tell me Corbyn didn’t know I wasn’t in the group. He commented and ‘Liked’ posts all the time! I’m tempted to take a walk over to Jeremy’s gardening allotment and give him a piece of my mind.”

For his part, Mr. Corbyn says he denounces anti-Semitism in all its forms and has launched a committee to look into any wrong-doing by Labour MP’s. The Committee will be led by Ken Livingstone, Jackie Walker, and George Galloway.

Chanukah, Jeremy Corbyn December 12, 2017

Jeremy Corbyn recounts the story of Chanukah

As we enter the Holiday Season, once again we are reminded of a truly shameful episode in history: the Celebration of Zionist violence and dispossession known as “Chanukah”. Approximately 2200 years ago in Historic Palestine, the Jewish people were fortunate enough to fall under the wise leadership of Syria, a nation whose current leader I consider a friend and which I have visited in the spirit of bonhomie and brotherhood. Syria was then ruled by a most dynamic and motivated man, King Antiochus Epiphanes. Now Antiochus was a rather forward-thinking leader who encouraged the Jews to engage in physical exercise at the well-appointed leisure centres known locally as “Gymnasiums”. The tradition at the time was to exercise naked, which may strike some as unorthodox, but not anyone who has ever visited me in my Gardening Allotment during Mid-Summer. Additionally, Antiochus did his best to encourage the Jews to participate in group activities within the Syrian polity, but again and again he was rudely rebuffed. They even declined to take part in the Community Pig Roast and Pot-Luck that Antiochus sponsored at their Temple.

Just when Antiochus seemed to be making serious headway in terms of showing the Jewish Community a path toward peace, a gang of Likudniks known as the “Maccabees” began agitating and detracting from the shared sense of community in Palestine. The clique’s leader, one Judah Maccabee, felt compelled to attack his Syrian neighbors, a trend that sadly continues to this day. And in an incident that really should be brought to the attention of the RSPCA, the Maccabees engaged in wanton cruelty toward the Syrians’ pet elephants. Finally, despite the noble resistance of the Syrians, they were expelled from Palestine by the Maccabee war machine.

Then the Maccabees returned to the Temple and proceeded to undo all of the improvements made by Mr. Antiochus. Tellingly, they first sought fuel to light their lamps, sadly marking this as just another War for Oil. Today, this unfortunate episode in the Struggle of the Dispossessed is celebrated with such crass spectacle as unhealthy fried foods, doughnuts filled with empty calories, and encouraging children to gamble. Stay tuned next month when I decry the Imperialistic Land Grab known as “Tu B’Shvat”.

Jeremy Corbyn, Labour Party May 30, 2017

No, I’m serious. Just what must I do to get kicked out of Labour?

By Jeremy Corbyn, MP

May 30, 2017

Finsbury Park: So far 2017 has been a rather trying year for me. The Islington People’s-Socialist-Fair-Trade-Third-World-Food Co-Op has been quite simply in an uproar since last month’s “Venezuelan Quinoa Incident“. The Food Co-Op’s whatsapp group has become veritable torture for me. To be honest, I am quite the Luddite, so I only took an iPhone under duress because Party Leadership said I needed to be “more accessible” when I go on my morning walkabouts in the Heath. And it is not only the Quinoa Incident that they debate endlessly in the chat group. Of course there is the NGO “Palestinian Lesbian Anarchists against the Wall” that wants to sell their wares in our shop. So far so good, but what is their position on Climate Change? And the NHS? And manspreading?

Then there is my bicycle, which continues to break at the most inopportune moments, like when I was on my way to the Marwan Barghouti Benefit Concert in Tower Hamlets last week. Of course, one would be remiss without mentioning my garden allotment. Ms. Bannister insists that it was my kale crop that introduced the weevils that seem poised to make quite a snack of her corn crop. Incidentally, a certain Mr. Goldstein continues to illegally occupy encroach upon my radishes with his rather arcane crop of chick peas and red peppers. So you can see, Mr. Corbyn’s (very vegan) plate is rather full. I am burning the (vegetable oil) candle at both ends. Jezz needs a break.

With all of my responsibilities, I simply do not have time for all of the nonsense in Parliament. “Votes“. “NATO”. “Protecting the citizens of the United Kingdom“. Therefore, for the past several months I have done everything in my power to get myself removed from office so that I may return to focusing on the important things, like the problematic gear shift on my Schwinn. And the sorry state of my lettuce crop. And improving my attendance for the Yoga Classes at the Leisure Centre. But it appears to be all for naught. I have tried everything.

So visiting Syria as the guest of Bashar Assad was not enough? How about if my travel-mate was Jenny Tonge? How about that I attended a wreath laying ceremony for the lead architect of the 1972 Munich Olympics….misunderstanding? Then I refused to apologize for inviting the Irish Republican Army for tea at the height of their 1980’s bombing campaign. For goodness sake, I blamed the Manchester attack on British Foreign Policy

Now it appears that even if Labour loses next month’s election, I still won’t be allowed to step down. I am simply at my wit’s end. Once again…. Just what must I do to get kicked out of Labour?

ISIS, Jeremy Corbyn March 14, 2017March 15, 2017

ISIS and the West: moving past the name-calling, by Jeremy Corbyn

(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

What I am about to say may cause some discomfort, but perhaps it is time that we move beyond the Neo-Thatcherite/Neo-Blairite visions of the world and find a new approach. Today the West finds itself once again mixed up in a war in the Middle East, and once again we are hearing the name calling of our so-called enemies. Words like “fascist”, “murderous”, and “evil”. But I used those words just last week to describe proposed changes to the NHS. So perhaps it is time to step back, take a deep breath and try to understand “The Other”. To work toward a more even-handed vision.

Again, the usual suspects continue to use quite slanderous words about ISIS. Yet right here in London, we can witness genuine outreach on their part, with the very real example of Anjem Choudary, who has made sincere efforts to work with the Progressive Community by defending a Labour MP when she got slightly ahead of herself and suggested that Israel should be dismantled and the Jews shipped off to the United States. In fact, one can even compare ISIS to Israel, which I have been known to do in the past.

So today I stand before you as a proud member of the Progressive Left and say: It is time for us to look at ISIS objectively and see it for what it truly is. A community that is ethnically diverse, dissatisfied with the status quo, critical of Western Imperialism, and clearly motivated enough to take direct action. They embrace the philosophy of Said Qutb. But so do many people whom I count among my friends. They are fond of their beards, as am I. They have some serious problems with a certain group of people clustered along the Levant and the London Northern Line. As do I.

And to those of you who think this speech is crazy and something I can’t possibly have really said, please think long and hard and ask yourself: ‘If Jeremy Corbyn said this would I actually be shocked?‘

Jeremy Corbyn, Labour Party July 13, 2016

Corbyn Hires Bianca Jagger as Social Media Director

(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By The Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 7/13/2016 at 11:20 AM

London: Noted rock star ex-wife and activist Bianca Jagger got into a bit of a pickle yesterday when she inadvertently (we think!) tweeted out a list of British Members of Parliament who had voted for the Iraq War. The list, helpfully compiled by the White Nationalist site Metapedia, included such pertinent information as the race, sexual orientation (with details!), and sometimes even the religion (We’ll give you three guesses which religion they singled out, and the first two guesses don’t count) of individual MP’s. But it’s all good because she tweeted at 4 AM and forgot to like read the link and stuff.

Yet out of Crisis comes Opportunity. Upon seeing Ms. Jagger in action, Labour Party Leader Jeremy Corbyn reached out to her and offered her the position of Social Media Director. Labour Spokesperson Liam C. explained. “With Mr. Corbyn, the strategy is all about keeping his opponents off-balance as they try to figure out if he’s malicious, obtuse, or just inept. And Ms. Jagger’s tweet certainly demonstrated that she has what it takes to join our team.”

Bianca, who is a reminder of just how much blow they must have done at Studio 54 in the 1970’s President and Chief Executive of the Bianca Jagger Human Rights Foundation, promised to hit the ground running. “I am very excited to join Mr. Corbyn’s team as we work toward true equality for all.” Ms. Jagger then sought to put to rest any lingering doubts from yesterday’s tweet. “Along with Labour, I stand four-square against any form of racism. Today’s inadvertent tweet certainly does not represent my true feelings. And neither will the next inadvertent tweet……Or the one after that.”

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Jeremy Corbyn, Labour Party July 5, 2016March 21, 2018

The Entebbe Raid as recounted by Jeremy Corbyn

Forty years ago, an ad-hoc troupe of Palestinian activists and Germans with a passion for Social Justice staged a direct-action work stoppage, temporarily disrupting and re-routing scheduled air transportation from Occupied Yafa Tel Aviv to Paris. This protest was not unlike how some of our more boisterous Trade Unionists might temporarily shut down the Bakerloo Line in an attempt to draw attention to the cutbacks enacted by today’s Neo-Thatcherite Government under Mr. Cameron.

The activists then took the passengers on an impromptu excursion to Uganda where they were hosted by a man I considered a friend, Idi Amin. Mr. Amin, who was in the midst of taking his country on a somewhat accelerated course toward true equality (with the unfortunate side effect of several hundred thousand deaths and the expulsion of the Indian minority), proved a gracious host. In order to better achieve a sense of Solidarity, the activists separated the passengers into “working groups“, to include “Jews and Israelis” and “Everyone Else“. In order to better focus the Collective toward the goal of reducing Palestinian incarceration rates, “Everyone Else” was sent home, allowing for a true emphasis on the interaction between the Social Justice activists and the “Jews and Israelis“.

Mr. Amin received his guests with the traditional hospitality that he was known for, and allowed everyone to camp out at the Entebbe Airport, not unlike the Occupy protests around St. Paul’s Cathedral in 2011, but somehow not as filthy. Unfortunately, for reasons not entirely known, Israel did not appreciate the gesture and planned to disrupt Mr. Amin’s Conclave. Instead of meeting with the Activists in the spirit of constructive dialogue, Israel went down a path that is all too familiar to those of us who care for Justice. The Israelis chose to violate the laws of an African State through an act of piracy. Incidentally, the man in charge was named “Netanyahu“. There are so many things that one could say about this gross violation of sovereignty, but I feel one must focus on the quite frankly racist Israeli action of disguising one of their soldiers as Mr. Amin.

Once again, Israel chose to go down the path of violence, missing a genuine opportunity to dialogue with those with whom it has disagreements. My friends in Hamas and Hezbollah could tell you more about this subject. If you will excuse me, I need to go. A MOMENTUM activist at a Labour Press Conference is about to harangue a female Jewish Labour MP until she leaves the room in tears and I need to be on hand in order to do nothing to help her.

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Jeremy Corbyn, Labour Party July 1, 2016July 5, 2016

“I can’t believe Corbyn would say that” said by Nobody after yesterday’s Corbyn speech

(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By The Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 7/1/2016 at 1:40 PM

London: Reaction was mixed after yesterday’s Labour Party Press Conference on Anti-Semitism where Jeremy Corbyn compared Israel to ISIS, with his supporters and detractors divided as to Mr. Corbyn’s true intent with the remarks. The Daily Freier put on its peasant hat, messenger bag, and corduroy blazer and interviewed attendees as they departed the Labour/MOMENTUM Press Conference.

(We guest-wrote this today for IsraellyCool! Read the entire story here!)

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(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

Live from Tel Aviv. This is like Satire and Stuff.