Tag: #CorbynKnew

Jeremy Corbyn, Mossad

Jeremy Corbyn reviews the new Eichmann Movie
(photo credit: Wikipedia)

Today we look at the newly released film “Operation Finale“, the sad tale of a rogue nation taking so-called justice into its own hands. This movie recounts the story of Israel’s illegal and extra-judicial kidnapping of Adolph Eichmann from Argentina, a lovely country that is also home to the Malvina Islands. Apparently, Mr. Eichmann had some sort of role in the Holocaust. Now let me say clearly that the Holocaust was a tragedy (although truth be told some of my friends in Hamas whom I have hosted for tea would agree to disagree. Also, they would have put quote marks around the word “Holocaust.”) Yet Israel’s all-too-familiar use of force was to compound a tragedy with a tragedy, much like America’s illegal execution of one Mr. Bin Laden (Real World Non-Satire Alert: He Really Really said this about the death of Bin-Laden). Truly, if Mr. Eichmann were in fact guilty of a crime, why not simply notify the nearest Argentinian constabulary?

The movie depicts the commendable efforts Mr. Eichmann had made to open himself up to other cultures, to include learning the local language, and adopting the lovely Spanish name of “Ricardo Klement.” And in a singular act of proletarian solidarity, he took the bus to work every day. Yet Mr. Eichmann’s earnest attempts at multiculturalism failed to impress the Mossad, which took upon itself the task of kidnapping him and trundling him off to “Israel” for trial. And if being kidnapped by the Mossad wasn’t unpleasant enough already, Eichmann then had to fly on EL AL..

Israel then tried and executed Eichmann, another sad tally on its list of victims. Just to add insult to injury, Israel then spread his ashes in the sea, precluding any future graveside memorials, like the wreath that I specifically did NOT lay at the grave of Black September activists.

Now you may scoff at my review. You may even accuse me of willful ignorance. Yet remember this: it’s still not as dumb as what Hannah Arendt wrote about the Eichmann trial.

Jeremy Corbyn, Terrorism

“So it wasn’t a Gardening Allotment?” Corbyn explains Terrorist Cemetery visit

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 8/13/2018 at 4:45 PM

London, Islington: UK Labour Party Leader Jeremy Corbyn is speaking out forcefully after getting totally busted allegations surfaced that he attended a cemetery memorial service in Tunisia for the Black September terrorists who murdered 11 Israelis athletes at the 1972 Munich Olympic games.

“It looked for all the world like a Gardening Allotment, not unlike my very own patch of lettuce, radishes, and endive right here in Islington.” Mr. Corby explained at his local cafe as he busied himself with a red pen, striking through various sections of the International Holocaust Remembrance Alliance’s working definition of Anti-Semitism. “Although it was a bit odd that their allotment had little more than grass and flowers. And a lot of stones with writing on them. Aren’t different cultures simply fascinating?”

While taking Mr. Corbyn at his word, The Daily Freier asked Jezz just why he would attend any kind of event with Black September members, but he was adamant that the whole thing was just a giant misunderstanding. “Black September? That sounds like one of the lesser-known Bank Holidays. Or a weekend festival in Cornwall. Or possibly a Folk Music Trio from the East Midlands.” Jeremy stared into space for a moment and then wondered out loud,  “How is it that this strange series of unfortunate events keep occurring around me?”

The Daily Freier wanted to talk to Mr. Corbyn a bit more about his political beliefs, but he politely begged off, explaining “I simply MUST get to work on my response to tomorrow’s Labour Party Anti-Semitism scandal.”

EDITORS NOTE: While this is satire, it is actually somehow less implausible than his actual excuse.

 

 

Jeremy Corbyn, The Jooz

Corbyn invites Jewish Community to a Reconciliation Dinner on 18 September

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 8/5/2018 at 10:15 PM

London, Islington: Gardening allotment aficionado/Iranian TV Personality/British Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn has decided once and for all to find a way forward with the United Kingdom’s Jewish Community and has thus planned an elaborate reconciliation dinner for the evening of Tuesday September 18th. The Daily Freier caught up with Mr. Corbyn as he was weeding his radishes on the allotment, and he shared his vision with the Daily Freier.

“I am really hoping to put this whole unpleasantness behind us, as I outlined in the message I sent to the Jewish Community on Friday night. But I got to thinking: Why not break bread together, much like I’ve done with my friends in Hamas? And what better night to meet up than Mid-Week in Early Autumn, perhaps Tuesday 18 September after Sundown? We could invite everyone: Ken, Diane, George, maybe even old Roger Waters!”

When the Daily Freier asked Jezz if he had run this idea by any actual Jews, he was quick to point out that Jewish Voice for Labour thought it was “a splendid idea.”

As we wished Jeremy good luck, he asked for our opinion on whether to serve cheeseburgers or scallops.

Jeremy Corbyn, Pesach, The Jooz, Times of Israel

Jeremy Corbyn recounts the story of Passover

It is the time of year where we pause to commemorate the campaign of War Crimes and Dispossession against the Ancient Egyptian People that some refer to as “Passover.” Now many years ago, a group of Rootless Cosmopolitans known as the “Israelites” decamped to the Nile Delta, a region that my friends in the Muslim Brotherhood say is quite lovely. At first the Egyptians showed the traditional generous hospitality that I can only hope to emulate when I have the precious opportunity to offer Raed Salah tea on the House of Commons Terrace.

Yet in a scenario that would not surprise any of the members of my secret Facebook group, this gang of “Israelites” acquired an unseemly amount of power and influence over their Host Nation. This disturbing turn of events rightly frightened Egypt’s respected Pharaoh, a man I would consider a friend. Seeking to make Ancient Egypt “For the Many, Not the Jew Few”, Pharaoh chose to engage the Israelites in a constructive dialogue which included a rigorous regimen of outdoor exercise and civic improvement, a scenario that gardening allotment enthusiasts like myself would find rather refreshing indeed.

Yet despite Pharaoh’s very wise plan of action, the Israelites continued to prove a nuisance to a comprehensive Middle East peace. Therefore, Pharaoh attempted a different course of action concerning the male children of the Israelites that at first seems a bit brash, but was deemed moderate by my friends in Hamas. But once again to the surprise of nobody, the Israelites found clever loopholes to flout the legal edicts of Pharaoh’s Government. And sadly but not surprisingly, the Israelites were able to manipulate members of Egyptian society, to include Pharaoh’s well-meaning but naive daughter, who rescued the future Zionist War Criminal known as “Moses”.

This “Moses” character was offered the very best of Egyptian hospitality, yet chose to repay his hosts by murdering a somewhat zealous Union Shop Steward in the midst of reprimanding a wayward Israelite employee. The criminal fugitive then fled into the desert where he had some sort of psychedelic hallucination concerning a burning plant, upon which he got the daft impression that he was to lead a criminal work stoppage against Pharaoh. Moses then set about subjecting the Egyptian people to an escalating cascade of War Crimes that are sadly reminiscent of current events in Occupied Palestine today.

Finally, Pharaoh chose to simply wash his hands of this troublesome lot, and generously offered the Israelites a military escort to the Red Sea. Moses promptly drowned the Egyptian soldiers, showing once again a level of perfidy matched only by the Netanyahu Regime.

To add insult to injury, this War Crime is still celebrated today in a holiday involving bland crackers, excessive drinking, and children extorting their parents for cash. Now I don’t know what exactly goes into this “matzoh”, but some of my friends in the Labour Party have some very interesting theories on this subject indeed.

(Editor’s Note: first published this story on the Times of Israel in 2018)

BDS, Jeremy Corbyn, Labour Party, The Jooz

Labour MP angry she wasn’t invited into Corbyn’s secret anti-Jewish Facebook group

 By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 3/13/2018 at 6:00 PM

Camden, London: Today a very irate Labour Activist is demanding to know why she wasn’t invited to join Jeremy Corbyn’s secret Anti-Semitic Facebook Group “Palestine Live”. An  investigation by David Collier uncovered that the Secret Facebook Group “trafficked in anti-Semitic conspiracy theories, posted articles by Neo-Nazis, denied Israel’s right to exist, and called pro-Israel Jews “Zio-Nazis.” The group included Holocaust Denier Paul Eisen, as well as “the Jew who was too Anti-Semitic for the BDS Movement” Gilad Atzmon. And in a revelation that shocked people who still believe in the Tooth Fairy, the head of Breaking the Silence was also a member of the group…..Well rest assured, Labour Member of Parliament Danielle Lynne-Stephens is quite upset and wants to know why she never received an invite. The Daily Freier stopped by Momentum Headquarters in London to meet up with MP Lynne-Stephens  and have a little chat.

“I really didn’t want to ‘Go There’, but I can’t help but think there is a bit of sexism in the BDS Community. Honestly, sometimes it feels like the Anti-Israel Left has a Glass Ceiling. I mean, how else to explain why I wasn’t asked to join Palestine Live? I’ve paid my dues. The mob that attacked the Israeli Club at King’s College? I was there……I own 12 keffiyehs….. The Women’s Boat to Gaza? I was First Mate. I mean, until we got lost.….”

Danielle went on to explain just how unfair her exclusion from the group was. “How many times do I need to talk about the Rothschilds before I get an invite? And the sad part is, I could have really helped them with the quality of their memes……Like, they passed around pictures of hook-nosed Jews with demonic eyes? Big Deal. For a month my profile picture was a giant octopus with a big nose and a Star of David!”“I’m sorry, but my obsessive hatred of Israel takes a back seat to nobody in that group. Posting articles by David Duke? Hellooooo? David Duke once posted an article written by me!….Saying that 9/11 was an Israeli False-Flag operation? Please. I’ve been saying it since the days of dial-up Internet.”

“It just isn’t fair.” Danielle continued. “How many times do I have to use the word “Zio” before I start getting the respect I deserve? And don’t tell me Corbyn didn’t know I wasn’t in the group. He commented and ‘Liked’ posts all the time! I’m tempted to take a walk over to Jeremy’s gardening allotment and give him a piece of my mind.”

For his part, Mr. Corbyn says he denounces anti-Semitism in all its forms and has launched a committee to look into any wrong-doing by Labour MP’s. The Committee will be led by Ken Livingstone, Jackie Walker, and George Galloway.