Tag: Lone Soldier

Daily Freier’s Alert Readers Solve the Mystery of the Giant Balloon That Floats Over Ramat Aviv

ramat-aviv-balloon-daily-freierBy Aaron Pomerantz

Last Updated 9/15/2015 at 9 AM

Ramat Aviv, Rakevet Ha Universita: After last week’s request for help identifying the mysterious balloon in the sky above Ramat Aviv, the Daily Freier’s alert readers swung into action, revealing a dogged search for the truth, and for some, a clear need to get back on their prescribed medication.  Here is what our alert readers had to say:


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“It’s where Buji hides his charisma.” – Ron, policeman


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“It’s where the city keeps all the polite, good looking straight guys who will call you back” – Cathrine, web designer


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“Where’s Ramat Aviv????” – Shuki, playwright


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“I’ve been dating a Sabra girl for 2 years and I just told her over dinner that I want to break up with her…..so……Can I hide in the balloon for a few weeks? – Binyamin, Lone Soldier


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“Actually the Palestinians say it was originally theirs.” – Shoshanna, Optometrist


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“I’m sick of Tel Aviv. Will it take me to Berlin?” – Ashleigh Shapiro, actress


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“I don’t know, but the U.N. is about to pass a resolution against it”. – Adi, entrepreneur


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“Space Aliens…..except they’re also Jewish”. – Dana, stockbroker


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“Hot Cable’s Walk-In Customer Service” –Yonatan, Independent Contractor


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“It’s where Netanyahu has been hiding his good ideas all this time”. – Yuda, musician


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“Kanye is going to parachute from the balloon onto stage next month. ” – Yossi, teacher


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“Remember that nice inexpensive 3-room apartment near Hayarkon Park without a realtor fee that you saw advertised on Secret Tel Aviv?….. It’s up there.” – Howard, stock algorithm designer


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“Probably some Birthright shit.” – Reuven, mechanic

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In Great News for the City’s Hypochondriacs, Hoarders, and Those Just Trying to Find a Nice Sweater for Their Pet Chicken, Website Secret Tel Aviv Now Has an Interactive Map

 

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By The Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 8/31/2015 at 12:00 PM

Tel Aviv, Sheinken:  The city is going crazy about popular local website Secret Tel Aviv’s new interactive map, with Secret Tel Aviv’s key demographic groups leading the way. The doctor-phobic, who previously had to crowd-source their medical diagnosis on the site, can now meet up and consult with like-minded people as a completely suitable and safe substitute for actually, like, you know, going to the doctor and stuff.  In addition, strangers can now find the exact location of that piece-o-crap couch you’ve been trying to sell for 100 ₪.  Most importantly, Tel Aviv residents finally have a better way to source a sweater for their pet chickens.   The Daily Freier talked to some of the map’s biggest fans yesterday at that coffee shop on Ben Yehuda near Frischmann.

This new map is AMAZING!!!” enthused MASA Program participant Melissa C. as she consulted with several like-minded residents whom she had just met through the map. “Now, let’s say you met a really nice guy who is a Lone Soldier?  And you had an amazing time with him last week at the beach before he had to go back to the Negev? But now, you have, like, a persistent rash on your  left arm and stuff? Now maybe you can find out, like, what it is?”  Melissa’s voice trailed off as she continued; “…….Asking for a friend.”

Despite the enthusiasm for the new product, not everyone in the community shares in the excitement.  The Daily Freier caught up with its old friend, Yossi the Talking Household Mold, and talked to him about his views on this new application.  As he tidied up his new place on Bograshov and hung a framed picture of Rabbi Ovadia Yosef (Z”L) up on the wall, Yossi shared some of his observations about the Map.  “When I first heard about the Map, I gotta admit, I was kind of excited.  Like, now I can learn prevailing wind conditions for the coming weeks, the addresses of prominent shputzniks and how to avoid living near them, maybe find out which buildings in Central Tel Aviv contain sub-standard weather proofing around their windows.  That kind of stuff, news I can use….. But when I open up the map, it’s all henna tattoos and bracelet bars. So yeah; if me and my fellow bridesmaids want to get white-girl wasted the night before our best friends’ Indian-themed wedding on the beach, I’m all for it.  But until then? Thanks but I’ll pass.”

The Daily Freier wanted to continue mocking Secret Tel Aviv’s new map, but is secretly hoping to get some sort of widget for its newspaper included in this exciting and ground-breaking new application.