Category: Dating and Relationships

Dating and Relationships

Tel Aviv Man Concerned Girlfriend Only Staying With Him For His Dishwasher

dishwasher

By The Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 11/12/2015 at 11:20 AM

Tel Aviv, The Old North: North Tel Aviv resident Avi C. has some serious concerns.  His girlfriend of four months, Tamar R. is pretty and smart and relatively easygoing.  And Avi is beginning to suspect that the only reason he’s still around is that his apartment is equipped with a luxury item: a working dishwasher. “I know I must sound crazy. But I feel that she’s only keeping me around because of my dishwasher.  And get this….She already has 3 dinner parties for all of her couples friends planned out through the end of January at my place. I’m losing my mind.“

When the Daily Freier tried to reason with Avi, he read  us a text he received from Tamar. “Hey Avi!  Wanted to bring some of my dishes over. I was thinking that tonight we could do Netflix, use the dishwasher and chill”   Avi then shrugged his shoulders and threw his hands in the air. “I mean what the hell does Netflix dishwasher and chill even mean?”

In order to form a balanced picture, The Daily Freier spoke with Tamar about this troubling development. “Oh that’s just Avi, he’s being silly. He knows what he means to me.  It’s just that his kitchen is just so much better laid out.  With the granite counter, the kitchen island, and the dishwasher, there’s just so much potential and I really see a lot of good things in the future……with Avi I mean.  Good things in the future with Avi.”

When the Daily Freier last saw Avi, he was composing a post on Secret Tel Aviv asking for advice on this same topic “for a friend”.

Dating and Relationships

“Let Me Walk You Home, It’s Dangerous” Nominated City’s New Cheesy Pickup Line by Tel Aviv Municipal Council of Guys

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(Photo Credit: Vandelay Industries)

By The Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 10/14//2015 at 12:30 PM

Tel Aviv, Kerem HaTeimanim: In a hastily called emergency session, the Tel Aviv Municipal Council of Guys opted to respond to the current security situation by naming “Let me Walk You Home, It’s Dangerous” as the city’s top cheesy pickup line. Spokesperson Tal H. explained the change at a press conference following the meeting. “In peacetime, it’s perfectly alright  to say ‘Come up for a cup of coffee‘ or ‘I know the best hummus place‘, but these are difficult times.” In addition, Tal urged members of the Council to utilize the following banter while running game: “You can feel the tension in the air. Maybe it’s time we go home”, or “Let’s stay in tonight. It’s dangerous“. Tal conceded that “I was in the IDF” is still an acceptable line, but only on or around Birthright tours.

The new campaign, while promising, has seen decidedly mixed results, with a posting by one “Tal H.” to the popular forum Secret Tel Aviv asking the following question: “What is the easiest way to get pepper spray out of your chest hair? Asking for a friend.”

Dating and Relationships

Taking a Stand Against Racism, Tel Aviv Man Vows To Also Hit On Foreign Women

Taking a Stand Against Racism, Tel Aviv Man Vows To Also Hit On Foreign Women Daily Freier[Editors Note: When the real-life individual who was the inspiration for this story learned that we wrote this article, he was upset…….that we DIDN’T use his real name!  So here it is again, with his real first name! #becauseisrael]

By Emily Goldstein and Aaron Pomerantz

Last Updated 9/6/2015 at 1:30 PM

Tel Aviv, Shuk HaCarmel:  Local guy “Tzion” is taking a stand. Taking a stand against racism, xenophobia, and discrimination…..by vowing to hit on women he meets in Tel Aviv regardless of race or background or national origin or even whether or not they seem interested at first. “What can I say?”, noted a shy and modest Tzion as he sized up a group of what appeared to be attractive Italian backpackers.  “For me to limit my attention to just one group of women just seems…..bigoted and exclusionary.”

Tzion’s one-man ambassadorship of goodwill has not gone unnoticed. Mexican tourist Yanet V. talked to the daily Freier about her recent encounter with Tzion. “Me and my girlfriends were sitting in this amazing bar off of Allenby which was playing the best music: Johnny Cash, Dionne Warwick, even old Springsteen. So Tzion came over and took the time to patiently explain the meaning of the songs to me. He said that “Ring of Fire” was really actually about sex……Come to think of it, he said that all of the songs were about sex.”

Scandinavian graduate student Caty V. also discussed Tzion’s selflessness. “When I told him I wanted to try scuba diving, it was amazing that he was willing to tell me he had his instructor’s license and that we should go to Eilat for the weekend and do some dives. And also that his cousin was out of the country and we could stay at his place. I mean, I’m not Israeli and he doesn’t even know me that well so for him to volunteer his time like this was just incredible. Plus, Tzion seems kinda religious so I know the fact that his cousin’s studio only has a fold-out futon must make him a bit uncomfortable.”

When the daily Frier called Tzion a mensch and a tzadik, he again turned shy and reserved. “I’m doing my best, but I’m just one man. We can make this world a better place. I mean, imagine if more men in Tel Aviv shared my outlook.”

 

Dating and Relationships, Pride Week

Popular Tel Aviv Bartender Rumored to be Straight

Daily Freier Tel Aviv Pride Week Popular Tel Aviv Bartender Rumored to be Straight

(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By The Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 7/29/2015 at 1:20 PM

Tel Aviv, Kikar Rabin: Gossip is circulating in Central Tel Aviv of a potentially scandalous development, that the new bartender at that cool place off of Ibn Gavriol Boulevard is, in fact, heterosexual.  Well-regarded bartender David S. has found himself subjected to a whispering campaign by his customers and co-workers.  The Daily Freier Cultural Affairs reporter was on the scene hearing the word on the street.

“I just feel that there’s been a lack of honesty,” noted concerned patron Avi T.  “I always thought that we had a good rapport.  I even planned to introduce him to my Cousin Brian when he visits in late August.  But last night after I got up to go to the bathroom, I’m pretty sure he started macking on my girlfriend.”

Co-worker Devorah C. was also  looking for answers.  “I’ve known David for almost a year and he’s just the best.  But I don’t know what to think. Ever since I made Aliyah, my gaydar is way off.  It’s like the Mossad is jamming it or something.  I mean just last week at the Namal Boardwalk I was hassled for 10 minutes by a sleazy guy wearing capri pants.  Capri……pants.”

As the Daily Freier departed , a German tourist with a goatee informed us that if David is in fact straight, he wasn’t last night.

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Dating and Relationships, Facial Hair

Rothschild Area Woman Gives Boyfriend 2 Weeks to Grow a Decent Beard or the Relationship is Over

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By Emily Goldstein

Last Updated 7/25/2015 at 11:20 AM

Tel Aviv, Rothschild: Local web designer Tamar B. has given her boyfriend Natan an ultimatum: either grow a decent beard within 2 weeks or they are breaking up.  Tamar opened up to the Daily Freier’s Lifestyles and Leisure reporter: “When I first met Natan, I really thought he had potential.  It was summer and he had some stubble that looked really good with his tan. Then time went by and I started dropping subtle hints about a beard, but he just didn’t get it. I mean HELLO, not only do I live in Tel Aviv, but I live on Rothschild. Should I have made this a bit more obvious and just moved to Florentin???”  Tamar went on to note just how embarrassing it was that all of her girlfriends knew she was dating a beard-deficient man. “I can’t take this.  Everyone’s starting to talk. Like, Naomi’s boyfriend has the full Tel Aviv hipster beard.  She’s basically dating Theodor Herzl.  And me? I’m stuck with Mister ‘I can’t help it, it’s genetics’.”

Daily Freier caught up with Natan for his take on this troubling development. “I really don’t know what to do” shared a visibly shaken Natan.  “I’ve tried everything.  I asked the Yeshiva Bochers at the booth outside Shuk HaCarmel, I mean they’re only like 19 with beards twice as thick as mine, but they just told me to lay Tefillin and the problem would solve itself……It didn’t.”  Natan went on to explain the potentially dangerous procedures he was subjecting himself to; “My Vad Bayit, Shlomo might be the hairiest man who can still be classified as human.  He told me to apply a mixture of hummus and motor oil to my face before bed each night…….nothing. But now I smell like a snack bar in a Be’er Sheva gas station.”

As the story went to press, there were unconfirmed sighting of Natan outside of the Jaffa Scientology Headquarters, gesturing to his face  and talking to a sympathetic woman wearing khaki pants, a denim shirt and carrying a clipboard.

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Dating and Relationships, Hamas

Guy in Missile Shelter Says He’s Only One Or Two More Alerts Away From Asking Out Girl From Second Floor

stock-footage-man-and-woman-talking-outside-at-night1By Emily Goldstein

Last Updated 7/17/2014 at 6:20 PM

Ramat Aviv– Summer TAU student Ethan Schwartz told sources today that he is “like this close” to asking out an attractive coed known simply as “Melissa from Rockland“.  Mr. Schwartz noted, “I saw her during the first alert last Tuesday, and each alert I’ve been able to throw a little light banter.  You know, a joke here and there. ‘Where’d you go to school?’, that kind of thing.  I even showed her the Red Alert App on my Iphone.  Yesterday after the All Clear, I laughed and said ‘See You Soon!’ as I was leaving and she kinda giggled.”

Concerning recent peace efforts, Mr. Schwartz expressed reservations; “If this current ceasefire holds through the weekend, my entire timetable is thrown off“.

When contacted by Daily Freier Staff about Mr. Schwartz’s overtures, “Melissa from Rockland” had no idea in fact who he was.