(photo credit: Twitter)
So on Monday afternoon a giant sinkhole opened up in the parking lot of a Jerusalem Hospital, swallowing cars and generally behaving badly. Some people blamed it on the Shidduch Crisis. Others blamed it on the Jooz(really). But the Daily Freier went a step further, and will stop all other activity for the immediate future as we doggedly pursue multiple stories about this Enigma of a Sinkhole. So without further ado, here is a list of our upcoming Sinkhole Stories.
1. “I’m a Start-Up.” Jerusalem Sinkhole rebrands himself
2. Shas blames Sinkhole on Naftali Bennett
3. Outrage after Sinkhole goes on Secret Jerusalem and asks where he can get a bacon cheeseburger
4. “Have you wrapped Tefillin today?” Chabadnik stops by the Sinkhole
5. Bibi says he can’t leave office “until we fix the Sinkhole crisis”
6. Rashida Tlaib claims that her grandmother used to live in the Sinkhole before the Naqba
7. Leaked audio reveals Sara Netanyahu screaming at the Sinkhole about her Masters Degree
8. Sinkhole’s wife wants to move to Ramat Bet Shemesh because their current kitchen is too small
9. “Was he secretly Messianic?” The Sinkhole’s Jerusalem Minyan has its suspicions
10. Bar Rafaeli says she really wanted to pay her taxes but the sinkhole stopped her
11. CNN begins referring to the “Occupied Arab sinkhole”
12. “What about Tzfat?” Nefesh b’Nefesh invites the Sinkhole to explore their “Go North” program
13. Sarah Tuttle-Singer shares a taxi with the Sinkhole and they discuss Tamar from the Bible for 3 hours
14. The Sinkhole starts lying about his Army service to impress Taglit girls
15. Jerusalem Sinkhole canceled after his old tweets surface
16. Litzman blocks efforts to extradite Sinkhole to Australia on sex charges
17. Ariel Gold informs the Sinkhole that he’s actually from Spain
18. Sinkhole claims he’s enrolled at Or Sameach but I see him in Crack Square every night smoking weed
19. Jerusalem Sinkhole claims that Maktesh Ramon is his cousin
20. Liami is trying to Keep the Sinkhole in Israel
