Tag: Margot Wallstrom

New App alerts you whenever Ariel Gold says something stupid

By Mark Levy & Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 9/10/2019 at 5:00 PM

Tel Aviv: Startup Nation has done it again, releasing an exciting App this week to great fanfare. ‘That’s Gold!’ is an application for Iphone and Android users that alerts you whenever noted BDS supporter/Deep Thinker Ariel Gold says or does something ridiculous. The Daily Freier wandered down to that WeWork office near Rothschild (no not that one, the other one) in order to meet the creators of this amazing application.

With our ‘That’s Gold!‘ app, we provide our customer with a one-stop shop to stay up to date on the latest dumb shit that Ariel came up with.” explained lead engineer Pinchas G. “Our state of the art algorithm pulls data from Ariel’s Twitter feed, Code Pink press releases, and the comments section for Hen Mazzig’s pet rabbit’s Instagram page.” Pinchas feverishly typed a line of code on his Macintosh and continued. “The 2.0 version even has a feature that notifies you whenever she uses a Yiddish phrase incorrectly.

Well if you think this App is selling like latkes in December, you are correct. The Daily Freier ran into a number of happy customers on Rothschild Boulevard.

OMG This is A-Ma-Zing!” extolled Arielle (NOT Ariel) C. “This gives me something to do whenever the Daily Freier is going through Writer’s Block.

Changed my life!” enthused David S. “I really like the feature that alerts me whenever she takes a selfie with Neteurei Karta.

Unfortunately, not all of the feedback was positive. The Daily Freier stumbled upon Alert Local Ronit S. as she desperately tried to silence her beeping Iphone at the coffee kiosk on the corner of Allenby. “Ariel just got into a one-way argument with Jason Greenblatt and now my phone won’t shut off…..thanks a lot.”

The Daily Freier looks forward to Ms. Gold’s inevitable response to this story, because it would no doubt trigger this app, thereby becoming the most Meta thing like ever.


p.s. Yes, we wrote a similar story about Margot Wallstrom back in 2015.

p.p.s. With Margot retiring, we saw a chance to reuse a theme.

p.p.p.s. At least someone around here is bothering to recycle. What, do you hate the Planet or something?

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Khameini is in trouble! Quick, let’s fly him $1.7 Billion stacked on pallets!

SCENE: Headquarters, Justice League of Unemployed Lefty “Experts”

Former President Barack Obama: People, let me perfectly clear. These protests. In Iran. Are contributing. To instability. In the Middle East. And more importantly. They are. Endangering. My Legacy. Which is. The Iran Nuclear Deal.

Former Secretary of State John Forbes Kerry: I actually was for these protests, before I was against them.

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton: (Stumbles in dressed in hiking gear and clutching a bottle of Chardonnay): Let’s tell everyone to be quiet and not voice support for the protesters. I mean, it worked last time.

(The Daily Freier is published on Israellycool today. Go Check it out!)

Eurovision descends into farce after Israel Boycott and Ukraine beats Russia

Daily Freier Eurovision By Lee Saunders

Last Updated 5/18/2016 at 1:20 PM

Stockholm: Debates over the Boycott Israel movement raged across Europe today after millions of fans were left traumatized by the decision to ban all things Israeli in Saturday’s grand finale of Eurovision. The chaos began when outspoken Swedish Foreign Minister, Margot Wallstrom, a strong supporter of the BDS movement aimed at economically crippling Israel, made a series of blunders that left hosts Sweden red-faced. Firstly, she moved the singing competition from the 16,000 all-seater Ericsson Globe arena in Stockholm – after discovering that the mother-in-law of the Ericsson CEO had once eaten a pomegranate on an Israeli kibbutz in 1954. “We were left with no choice. We really can’t be seen to support that level of aggressive Zionism.” Ms. Wallstrom stated defiantly, as the venue was changed to an old IKEA warehouse in the tiny northern village of Dooberguberfloozer. Coaches were then arranged to transport the 42 competing nations after the Israel-developed GPS app Waze had been blocked, sending the lost Azerbaijanis on a wild-goose chase around Denmark. Meanwhile, Israeli start-up GetTaxi, the world’s second largest Taxi app, was switched off, forcing the Spanish to hitchhike to a place they could not even say.

Eurovision is one of the few European cultural events that reinforces regional differences and continuously raises the prospect of a third World War. Amidst all the kitsch of cheesy dancing fairies and Viking heavy metal bands, this year’s show was once again mired in controversy. Greece was devastated after failing to make the final for the first time and immediately blamed German-imposed cuts. Neighboring Turkey was thrilled to have negotiated its inclusion in next year’s semi-finals, in exchange for building more Syrian refugee camps. Fights and beheadings broke out in this year’s semi-finals after a romantic ballad sung by ISIS boy band, the Caliphatties failed to melt judges’ hearts. Canada too was left ticked off by Australia’s inclusion in Eurovision for the second year running. Quebec-born diva Celine Dion, who won Eurovision for Switzerland in 1988, offered to sing but new Prime Minister/heart-throb, Justin ‘Donnie Osmond’ Trudeau vetoed her offer, sending a giant wave of relief across Canada.

Not since the official breakup of Abba in 1982 has Sweden been so widely vilified for allowing such a cultural disaster. From the moment the show went live on air, buzzing social media forums began to grind to a halt. Facebook, created by renowned Zionist/Nice-Jewish-Boy Mark Zuckerberg, went offline for the first time ever, pushing a frantic 1.6 billion account-holders across the planet into actually talking to each other. But with Microsoft’s operating system, the Intel processor, and the technology behind What’s App, Messenger, Viber and voicemail all pioneered and developed in Israel, mobile phones and laptops around the world all fell eerily silent. When it came to broadcasting the actual results, Eurovision’s voting system was hit by the sudden ban on Israel-inspired satellites, forcing judging panels to dig out dusty walkie talkies not used since the Cold War.

When the networks finally managed to broadcast the rest of the show, it appeared that bookies’ favorites Russia – which had threatened to turn off the gas and lights in Eastern Europe – had done predictably well. Also surprising was the Great Britain entry, sung by reality TV superstars Joe and Jake. The last time a British duo scored so well abroad, there was a pubic lice outbreak in London. Their upbeat song “You are not alone,” dedicated to former London Mayor Ken Livingstone, was nevertheless ridiculed in Germany. “Zay bloody will be soon if zay vote to leave ze EU next month, ha, ha!” Angela Merkel chuckled to reporters, as she faxed through the votes from Berlin.

Nervously awaiting the Eurovision results aboard Air Force Trump, the man formerly known as Donald, warned: “This is what happens when you have no real defensible borders, political or cultural.” The Republican rebel immediately called for the US-Mexico fence to be built six meters higher and promised a tax on burritos…..

(Note: Ukraine stole it from Russia and Australia. The UK did shit and the Israeli entry, which arrived late, held up by squabbles over the last kosher meal on El Al, finished about half way.)

Las Estrellas de la Nueva Serie de Detectives Femeninos de la BBC Serán Hanin Zoabi y Margot Wallstrom

wallstrom-and-zoabi

Londres- La BBC dio a conocer su más reciente serie detectivesca para la primavera que se titulará “Wallstrom & Zoabi: Causas profundas“, un fascinante drama protagonizado por Hanin Zoabi y Margot Wallstrom, representando a dos poco escrupulosas detectives que resuelven crímenes mientras tratan de encontrar un perfecto equilibrio entre su trabajo y su vida en un mundo dominado por hombres.

Además de la canciller sueca Wallstrom y la miembro de la Knésset Zoabi (por el partido árabe Balad), la serie también contará con George Galloway (un conocido y estrafalario político antisionista británico) como su adorable y gruñón jefe de Policía, así como el diputado Jeremy Corbyn representando al colaborador fiscal del distrito, aunque algo cómicamente inepto, recibiendo ambos una importante e inexplicable promoción en la primera temporada. (También se rumorea que ambos podrían desarrollar un posible interés amoroso con las protagonistas en futuros episodios)

Producida por Roger Waters, la serie tiene un toque único en el que no importa cuál es el delito o quienes son los sospechosos, ya que el constante resultado final es que Israel es el culpable. El Sr. Waters explicó sus primeras preocupaciones para esta serie. “Al principio tenía miedo de que el hecho de que Israel siempre fuera el malo de la serie pudiera ser excesivo incluso para los ejecutivos de la cadena, pero entonces me dije, !! Tío, esto es la BBC !!“.

Por su parte, la BBC se siente segura de que ha tenido un golpe de suerte con la presencia de esta serie en su programación.  “Sentimos que a pesar de la leve previsibilidad de su enfoque, tendrá un fuerte atractivo para su objetivo principal: la audiencia“. El portavoz de la BBC, Stewart P. señaló que “ahora que Al Jazeera America cesa sus emisiones, vemos ahí una oportunidad real para capturar a su audiencia“.

En el episodio piloto, “!!! Spoiler !!!“, Hanin y Margot investigan las “razones de fondo” para una serie de asesinatos en París. Tras una hora de agotador trabajo detectivesco y de una persecución en coche, el dúo determina que el culpable “era Israel“.

La química entre las estrellas sueca y palestina sin duda brillará a lo largo de la serie, con la impetuosa Zoabi llamando a los policías árabes israelíes “traidores“, y la más matizada Wallstrom encontrando la manera de conseguir ser declarada persona non grata tanto en Arabia Saudita como en Israel. Mientras tanto, ambas utilizarán el enfoque de “cerebro más que fuerza física“, aunque sin miedo de patear algún culo cuando sea necesario. En una escena del segundo episodio, un guardia de seguridad intenta escoltar a Hanin Zoabi para que salga de una habitación, siendo empujado violentamente por Hanin.

Un episodio ya planificado que mostraba a la pareja investigando si el “asesinato policial en Suecia de un asaltante que con un arma asaltó violentamente una escuela violaba el derecho internacional“, fue cancelado debido a su falta de interés.

Citing International Law, Israel Charges Margot Wallstrom with “Illegal Occupation” of Her Stockholm Apartment

(AFP:TT News Agency:Henrik Montgomery

(Photo Credit: AFP/TT News Agency/Henrik Montgomery)

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 1/20/2016 at 2:30 PM

The Hague- In a dramatic move at the International Criminal Court (ICC), the State of Israel filed formal charges against Swedish Foreign Minister Margot Wallstrom, citing the “Illegal Occupation” of territory her Stockholm apartment.  The Legal NGO Shurat Ha Din filed a “Friend of the Court” brief on behalf of the State of Israel’s charges, outlining the illegal nature of Ms. Wallstrom’s unilateral land grab queue-jumping acquisition of a subsidized apartment from a Swedish Labor Union.  Attorney Robert F. outlined the charges.  “By illegally acquiring this property and the dispossession of the rightful renters, Ms. Wallstrom committed a clear criminal act under International Law.” When asked by the Daily Freier how he defined International Law, Robert replied, “We are adhering to the common-use ‘Brussels Standard’ for International Law violations, meaning it can be defined as ‘stuff that makes me personally unhappy or uncomfortable’.  Ms. Wallstrom’s actions clearly meet or exceed these standards. Oh and we’re pretty sure that she chopped down some olive trees in order to expand her patio last year.”

For her part, Ms. Wallstrom was defiant in declaring her innocence of wrongdoing. “I was treated equally. Just a little more equally than everyone else.Ms. Wallstrom continued; “These charges are simply not true.  I must remind the plaintiff that while European politicians may invoke ‘International Law’, we are by no means bound by it. I mean, really. This is like EU 101.”

In addition, Ms. Wallstrom’s attorney argued that the rush to condemn the apartment purchase in the international arena was circumventing the legal process of Sweden.  “This obsession with ‘International Law’ is truly counterproductive.  And what is with Israel’s obsession with labels anyway??”

Despite the severity of the accusation, the Israeli public is definitely not united in its support for these charges, with noted Real Estate Law expert Ehud Olmert sharing a dissenting point of view. “So she used her political influence to land an insider real estate deal?  I really don’t understand what your point is.”

 

BBC’s Newest Detective Drama Stars Hanin Zoabi & Margot Wallstrom

Wallstrom and Zoabi

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 1/15/2016 at 12:30 PM

London- The BBC unveiled its newest show for the Spring lineup with the coming premier of “Wallstrom and Zoabi: Root Causes“ a riveting drama starring Hanin Zoabi and Margot Wallstrom as two no-nonsense detectives who solve crimes while trying to find the perfect work-life balance in a male-dominated world. In addition to Swedish Foreign Minister Wallstrom and Member of Knesset Zoabi (Balad Party), the series also features George Galloway as their gruff but lovable boss at the Police Precinct, as well as MP Jeremy Corbyn as a comically inept Crown Prosecutor who inexplicably receives a big promotion in the season premier. (It is also rumored that he may develop into a possible love interest in future episodes)

THIS ARTICLE IS FEATURED TODAY ON THE TIMES OF ISRAEL! READ THE REST OF THE STORY AT:

http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/bbcs-newest-detective-drama-stars-hanin-zoabi-margot-wallstrom/

 

 

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New App Alerts You Each Time the Swedish Foreign Minister Says Something Stupid

Screen Shot 2019-09-10 at 4.48.01 PMBy The Daily Freier Staff

Last Updated 12/6/2015 at 6:20 PM

“I don’t know how I lived without the Mar-Go” noted alert local, Ronit S. My phone has been beeping off the hook. I think she’s being interviewed at the Hague about the most the proportional way to deal with  somebody who is busy stabbing you with a butcher knife”.

The Mar-Go rocks” added Natan G., as his iPhone played a ringtone of “Dancing Queen” by ABBA. “Except….the whole thing leaves me in the bizarre situation of wishing she was as tactful and diplomatic as… Avigdor Liberman

If you haven’t installed Mar-Go, you’re just missing out!” enthused Alon N. “Wait…. She’s starting a press conference on the ‘root causes’ of the European refugee crisis. Sorry,”  he said settling down with a Goldstar and a bowl of hummus on a park bench on Rothschild Boulevard, “but I need to watch this.”

The Mar-Go, available on iTunes and also at participating IKEA stores, ran into a bit of a problem this evening when Minister Wallstrom sat down with the BBC to discuss the Separation Fence, and the app crashed.

We originally published this article on Times of Israel back in 2015!

 

 

 

 

 

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