Tag: Taglit

Dear Daily Freier

Dear Daily Freier: “Bigly Taglit Woke” Edition

Dear Daily Freier!Welcome to yet another edition of the Dear Daily Freier advice column! An outlet that has already allowed YOU the reader to gain needed advice about such pressing subjects as the Israeli bus system, relationships, and pétanque! So without further ado, here are the answers you did not want to the questions you already regret asking!
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Dear Daily Freier,

Hi, so I went on Birthright last month and it was A-MA-ZING. But here’s the thing. The soldier on our bus? Danny? From Hadera? Well when we were down at that big crater in the desert….Mizpe Ramon? Well Danny and I (“may have”) wandered off for the night together. I mean, he was so romantic! He even wrote me a poem! In English and Hebrew! But the thing is, later on the trip I’m pretty sure he also “wandered off” with that girl from LA who pretends to be spiritual but is actually just an idiot. Also the girl who went to Amherst. And maybe the girl from Texas with Israeli cousins. And just now I saw on Facebook that Jess from Seattle posted a poem of his. So anyway, I skyped Danny and confronted him about it, and all of a sudden it’s like he forgot how to speak English. He was just mixing up random words in Hebrew and English and I think Spanish. Anyway, what’s the deal? I mean, is he really a romantic or did he just want to hook up with all the girls on the trip?

Signed,
“Alyssa from Rockland”
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Yes & Yes.
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Dear Daily Freier,

OK, So I just graduated from NYU. And I’m Jewish. But not Jewish-Jewish. Honestly, I’m not too big on the Temple I grew up in anymore. Or Trump. Or Israel. Because my Intersectional Feminism Professor said that Israel is bad. Like really bad. Anyway, I’m looking for career advice and wondering if you can help me. Like, if you were a Jew who disliked Israel, most Israelis, and also about half of American Jews…. what career field would you go into?

Signed,
“Woke in Connecticut”
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Have you thought of becoming a Professor of Judaic Studies at any given University?
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Dear Daily Freier,

So suppose you are an amazing leader. A great leader, Very great. The Best. And let’s say you just did something Very Big for a country in the Middle East. With a lot of Jews in it. Nobody loves the Jews like I do. I have the best Jewish grandchildren. Just the best. So again, let’s say you just did something very big for the Jews there. And the Jews in Israel? They Love it. “It’s the Best.” All of them told me that. And Bibi? Great guy. Great, great guy……..But then there’s the Jews in America….. Some of them say thank you. But, gotta admit, some of the others? Not so thankful. No gratitude. Sad. Very Sad. Anyway, I think I lost my train of thought. But do you know what I’m saying?
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Bigly.
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Guest Writer Wednesday, Tel Aviv Living

Noah returns in new Ark to save us from the Heatwave

Noah's Ark Daily Freier(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

By Lee Saunders

Last Updated 7/5/2017 at 2:30 PM

Tel Aviv: With the mercury in Tel Aviv matching the temperature on Mars, biblical hero Noah has returned to Eretz Yisrael to save locals from the unbearable heatwave.

Today, hoards of confused and melting Tel Avivians were oddly seen rushing INTO the Dizengoff Center Mall AND the Post Office just to get OUT of the heat. Once roads began to crumple and people were being thrown out of the chiller cabinets in Shufersal, the 4700-year-old pensioner decided to act.

Noah and his oldest remaining son, Shem (a mere 4200 years young) have fitted the Convertible Ark Turbo Cruise ship with 2 air conditioning units in each compartment, phone chargers, the Waze GPS Iceberg Locator, and driverless technology.

“My hands are still tied by the Torah so I can still only take two of everything – so 2 Israelis (rumors say Gal Gadot has already bagged one spot), 2 stray cats, 2 non-complaining olim, 2 mosquitoes, 2 jellyfish, 2 European backpackers, and 2 girls on Taglit who just love love love Israel. No politicians or HOT Cable customer service representatives are allowed.”

Cabin prices start at NIS 5,000 for a  double. But long lines are expected all the way to Haifa as The Ark, called “Mazgan Miracle II“, is due to set sail tomorrow for Scotland, arriving at its first port in Cardiff before Shabbos.

Israellycool, Peter Beinart, Tikkun Olam

Peter Beinart Criticizes Israel For Its Lack of Interest in Peter Beinart

Peter Beinart Criticizes Israel For Its Lack of Interest in Peter Beinart

By Aaron Pomerantz and Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 11/15/2016 at 1:00 PM

Tel Aviv, Dizengoff: Peter Beinart, the conscience of modern Progressive Judaism and all around Liberal Zionist Bad Boy, is not too thrilled with the choices that Israel has been making lately. And he’s not afraid to tell us. In fact, Pete is currently quite cross with us for ignoring his amazingly prescient advice about the Peace Process, to the extent that he now takes press junkets to Judea and Samaria with J-Street in order to pester goats.  His powerful voice has hit Israel like a bombshell, compelling everyday Israelis to stop what they’re doing and ask themselves “Just who does Peter Beinart think he is? No, Really. We’re kinda drawing a blank right now. Who is he again?”

(The Daily Freier Appears on Israellycool Today! Stop by and Check it Out!)

Fashion, Start Up Nation, Tel Aviv Living

Tel Aviv is going crazy for new Perfume “Sherut Number 5”
sherut-5(Disclaimer: Our lawyers say that this font really doesn’t resemble anything.)

By Emily Goldstein and Aaron Pomerantz

Last Updated 10/25/2016 at 12:30 PM

Tel Aviv, Dizengoff: The city’s “Who’s Who” are just about losing their minds about the hot new perfume hitting the streets: “Sherut Number 5“, inspired by the smell of a Tel Aviv shared taxi. The Daily Freier’s very own Emily Goldstein and Aaron Pomerantz attended the product launch today by Dizengoff Square and spoke with the designers of this hot new product.

Lead designer Orit K. explained the origins of the perfume. “So last year, we launched ‘Tahanah Merkazit’, the cologne for men who want to smell like the Central Bus Station. And the reaction was great. But a lot of women in Tel Aviv were left asking ‘So when will there be a product that also lets US smell like cigarette smoke, B.O, and poor decisions?’ So here we are. Welcome to Israel.”

Product testing Team Leader Stav C. then interjected to explain how they created the specific ingredients for Sherut Number 5. “On Thursday nights, our teams would get on the Sherut at Rothschild and ride all the way to Ibn Gavriol. They took atmosphere samples as they picked up and dropped off passengers. We really wanted to capture the sights, the sounds, the secretions, and the smells that make Sherut Number 5 so special“.

Orit cautioned us that the product was incredibly powerful and offered the testimony of local guy “Yoav”, who initially attended today’s product launch because he saw women and a table of free food. “I don’t know what happened, but when I smelled the perfume on the spokesmodels, all of my critical thinking skills went out the window. I felt as if I needed to hit on them no matter how ridiculous my game was or how inappropriate the timing. It was like…. like….. like I ran into a busload of girls on Birthright.”

Sherut Number 5 will be in stores early next week, and they offer shipping to Europe and North America for Chanukah.

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Arts & Literature, Tel Aviv Living

Neve Tzedek Gallery Exhibits Pictures of People Taking Pictures of Cats in Neve Tzedek

Neve Tzedek Art Gallery Exhibiting Pictures of People Taking Pictures of Cats in Neve Tzedek Daily Freier

By Aaron Pomerantz

Last Updated 8/14/2016 at 11:10 AM

Tel Aviv, Shabazi Street: Neve Tzedek’s latest Gallery is taking the Tel Aviv Art World by storm, and with good reason.  The Krakonowsky Gallery on Shabazi Street has cleared all of its walls in order to exhibit nothing but photos of people taking photos of cats in Neve Tzedek. The Gallery’s Chief Docent Yair G. explained.

“What we are trying to do is capture the essence of place. And that place is Neve Tzedek. Which has a lot of tourists. And a lot of cats. Everything else kinda fell into place.”

The Daily Freier asked Yair how long the Krakonowsky Gallery has been open, and he explained that it opened six weeks ago. Yair, who hails from Ashkelon, then went on to explain the name of the Gallery. “We were looking for something that sounded sufficiently Old World, sufficiently Ashkenazic, and sufficiently Pretentious. And then, BAM! The name hit me. Inspiration is like that sometimes.”

The Daily Freier then took the time to follow the patrons throughout the Gallery to get a feel for their reactions. Film Graduate Student Naomi P. admired one photo of a Birthright participant taking a photo of a Calico cat as it wrestled with an empty bag of Bamba. “Amazing. She seems perfectly at ease with being in front of the camera. No fear of humans whatsoever….. The Birthright participant I mean.”

Local collector Arielle C. shared her enthusiasm on the exhibit. “Wow. Just wow. This is just superb. And now my obsession with artistic depictions of pop tarts just seems so…..so…… June 2016.”

The Krakonowsky Collection’s Exhibit will continue through September, at which point it will switch over to pictures of tourists trying to find their way out of Neve Tzedek.

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Birthright, The IDF

Soldier assigned to Birthright Tour kinda uncomfortable with all the American Girls flirting with Him

 

soldier-assigned-to-birthright-tour-feeling-kinda-uncomfortable-with-all-the-american-girls-flirting-with-him-daily-freier

By Yuval Weiss 

Last Updated 8/10/2015 at 11:40 AM

Mitzpe Ramon, The Negev: IDF soldier Yair G. is currently not feeling completely Okay about all the attention he is receiving from the women on the Birthright Israel trip that he is escorting.  “I’m just not really feeling like I’m in a safe space.” noted a visibly distraught Yair. “I feel like they aren’t interested in me as a living breathing person with real hopes and fears, but rather with an artificial avatar of myself based on my current mode of existence as a young adult fulfilling his mandated national conscription duty.”

Yair went on to explain that he has resorted to lying about his service in an effort to make it seem less glamorous. “I mean, I serve in Golani, but I told ‘Alyssa from Miami’ that I was assigned to the personnel office making copies. Still didn’t change anything.”  As another tour group attendee, known only as “Jess from L.A.” approached Yair, he quickly broke away, saying only “That’s it, I’m telling “Breaking the Silence”.

As the article went to print, approximately 47 members of Yair’s battalion volunteered to take his place, with 10 of them volunteering to extend their military commitment if necessary.