Category: Top 10

Kerem House, Start Up Nation, Tel Aviv Living, Top 10

Top Ten Worst Kerem House Events

So there’s an exciting new Events Venue in Central Tel Aviv, and it is Off. The. Hook….. Clothing Swaps, Yoga, Modern Dance and also some events for men! They’re doing Shabbat, they did this weirdly awesome night full of Israeli Midburn enthusiasts. They’re doing Country Night. The Daily Freier may even host a meet-up there in the near future. (Stay Tuned!) But for every successful event, there have been some that were…. not so good. So without further ado, here is our Top Ten List of Worst Kerem House Ideas!

 

1.  Fyre Festival Tel Aviv

 

2. “Come wash our dishes!”

 

3. “Is it still good?” A tasting buffet of stuff that’s been in our freezer since Shavuot

 

4. Win a chance to talk to the cops at our next noise complaint!

 

5. Come dressed as your favorite angry rant from Secret Tel Aviv

 

6. “50 randoms we found on Allenby” speed-dating night

 

7. After everyone gets drunk, we’re Skyping your parents

 

8. Come trade your cash for our new Crypto Currency!

 

9. “Misrad HaPnim” theme party

 

10. “Return our Deposit Bottles” Field Trip

 

 

 

 

Shameless Self Promotion, Top 10

Top Ten Rejected Daily Freier Articles

Since 2014, the Daily Freier has scratched your collected itches for weird stuff. Sometimes we even write our stories based on tips from you, our alert readership! But what if a story is just “Too weird for the Daily Freier“? Well, it happens. Here are ten stories that we simply had to reject. Enjoy wondering what might have been.

1. The men who play pétanque on Rothschild Boulevard: without their clothes on!

2. Latest Nefesh B’Nefesh program helps you get banned from Secret Tel Aviv…. BEFORE you make Aliyah!

3.  Holmes Gym just opened membership to straight guys too!

4. Afula: Is it the new Neve Tzedek?

5. Bombshell: Two people who work in Israel Advocacy rumored to get along with one another.

6. Win a chance to be named Jerusalem’s Next Top Hot Chani!

7.  Maccabi Health offers free personal development classes to anyone in a Purim “couples costume”.

8. Strange But True: The weirdos who enjoy Tel Aviv AND Jerusalem!

9. Sarah Tuttle-Singer takes 3 bong hits and explains the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict.

10. “Have I Peed Here Yet?” An interactive street map for Tel Aviv men.

 

Abu Mazen, Our "Cousins", Top 10

Palestinian Authority’s Top Ten Excuses for skipping Trump’s Peace Conference

1. We need to prepare for our upcoming elections

2. Still kinda exhausted from Pride

3. Need to catch up on The Bachelor

4. Still haven’t forgiven Jared Kushner for those Game of Thrones spoilers

5. Our Ex just moved to Bahrain and we really don’t want to run into her

6. Frankly, John Bolton’s mustache frightens us

7. Coachella

8. We hear that Trump isn’t big on holding grudges

9. Still looking for parking

10. What part of “From the River to the Sea” don’t you understand?

 

 

 

 

 

 

#IsraelToTheMoon, Start Up Nation, Top 10

Top Ten Excuses for Israel’s Moon Crash

1. Onboard computer kept muttering “yihiyeh b’seder” & smoking a cigarette while holding the controls with just one hand.

2. Lunar Rover pushed his way to the front of the capsule before the lander had come to a complete stop.

3. The Fax machine broke.

4. Robot was busy cleaning capsule for Chometz and forgot to deploy rocket thrusters.

5. Difficult to hear commands over all the Pink Floyd music.

6. Maybe the shuttle’s Vaad Bayit could have cleaned the windows once in a while.

7. Diverted at last-minute to avoid landing on top of the Moon’s Chabad House.

8. Opening the bamba in Zero Gravity was a really bad idea.

9.  Lunar rover became Baal T’shuva and refused to deploy on Shabbat

10. Naftali Bennett kept pestering us for our ballots.

 

 

#IsraelToTheMoon, Start Up Nation, Top 10

Top Ten Surprises from Israel’s Moon Base

  1. Non-stop Matkot Games really ruined the vibe at Sea of Tranquility.
  2. Monthly resupply shuttle delayed again by Waze.
  3. Sarah Tuttle-Singer’s heartwarming blog posts about the juice guy at the Space Shuk.
  4. Mechitza running down the middle of the Geodesic Dome is really inconvenient.
  5. Astronaut burns out satellite-relay after calling her mom in Hadera 6 times in one day.
  6. Code Red Emergency after Fax Machine runs out of paper.
  7. Patrol still missing 2 days after leaving perimeter “to find the moon’s best hummus place”.
  8. Can somebody do something about these annoying electric lunar scooters?
  9. Tamar Zandberg sure is spending a lot of time in the greenhouse module.
  10. Nobody knows when Shabbat ends.
Freier from the Future, Our "Cousins", Top 10

Top Ten surprises in the Ten Year Backlog of Palestinian Mail

So Israel and the Palestinian Authority ended some sort of dispute, and now Jordan can give them some mail that’s been held up since 2008 (Anyone who thinks this is just because of “The Occupation” is welcome to help us get our $50 worth of clothes from the Gap™ out of Ben Gurion Airport Customs without paying the $30 in fees that they demanded from us). But what long-hidden truths have been revealed? The Daily Freier got one of our Scandinavian backpacker friends to check out Ramallah and come back with a full report. And what a report it was! It’s like a Time Capsule from 2008! The first iPhone! Obamamania! Taylor Swift just broke up with a Jonas Brother! If only we could…. never mind. Anyhoo, here are the Top 10 Revelations in the mail!

10) That gift we need to get Hosni Mubarak for his “30 Years as President” party? Skip.

9) That invite to Qadaffi’s 2011 Folk Dancing Expo and Film Festival in Tripoli? Same.

8) The 2012 “Bashar Assad Salute to Arab Unity Weekend” in Damascus? You seeing a pattern yet?

7) Can somebody tell Mahmoud Al-Mabhouh to watch out for women in floppy hats and guys with tennis rackets when he goes to Dubai?

6) They say that the Zionist Dogs are going to build a High Speed Rail from Jerusalem to Tel Aviv by 2016.

5) That Real Estate Investment Prospectus from Ehud Olmert? No. Just No.

4) Bibi is in BIG Trouble! There is NO WAY the Israeli Left can screw up the 2015 Elections!

3) Obama just beat McCain! We will never get a more sympathetic friend in the White House! Now is the time to really sit down for negotiations and finally get our Palestinian State living in peace next to Israel! Wait, what’s that? We’re just going to blame Israel, do nothing for the next 8 years, and wait for something to happen? OK that also works.

2) Hahahaha! Donald Trump is running for President in 2016! Hahahaha!

1) Wait, Mahmoud Abbas is still in Office???

 

 

Hamas, Tikkun Olam, Top 10

Top Ten Gaza Solidarity Events this Week that you did not hear about

By Yuval Weiss

Last Updated 5/26/2018 at 10:30 PM

London: So this week, we learned that a certain group of credulous Lefty London Jews decided to hold Kaddish for the 52 members of Hamas and Islamic Jihad who tried to breach the fence and kill the Jooz unarmed protesters killed by the Zionist Entity this week. But did you know that there were other Gaza Solidarity events this week? The Daily Freier found the ten most profound events and now is sharing them with you, our readers.

  1. Quidditch for Gaza
  2. Pimms & Tiny Sandwiches for Gaza
  3. Improv for Gaza
  4. Pub Quiz for Gaza
  5. Yard Sale for Gaza
  6. Charades for Gaza
  7. Queers for Gaza (Oops! This actually happened!)
  8. Curling for Gaza
  9. Bunko for Gaza
  10. Salsa for Gaza
Binyamin Netanyahu, Israeli Politics, Times of Israel, Top 10

Bibi’s Top Ten explanations for the Submarine Scandal

Daily Freier In bold compromise, Netanyahu promises to continue cashing Diaspora Jews’ checksSo apparently Israel’s $480 Million purchase of German submarines wasn’t entirely Kosher LaPesach, and Prime Minister Netanyahu’s friends keep getting arrested in what is no doubt just a big misunderstanding. Because the police are using some very hurtful words. Like “Bribery“. And “Tax Evasion“. And “Fraud“. But the intrepid journalists at the Daily Freier knew that there had to be a good reason for all of this, and sure enough, The Prime Minister provided us with 10 amazingly convincing explanations. So without further ado, here they are:

(The Daily Freier is published on the Times of Israel today. Check us out!)